We are back on the island with the final four. We have the horrible, disgusting young Makani who has many survival skills, great athletic ability and a true head for the game. Then there is Cody, who has a highly unpleasant personality, a firm grasp on the game and how to win it, and the ability to delay gratification in order to attain a larger reward in the future. These two monsters have united to form #TeamMakody who plan to further themselves in the game long term while taking out the competition whenever the opportunity arises.
Then we have God’s chosen people. They would fit right in a prosperity church. They are certain that God wants them to defeat the evil monsters of #TeamMakody, Their skills include wasteful spending, eating pizza until they cannot eat any more, tent camping, waiting for the drone to bring sandwiches, and constantly whining about their current condition. There is Gina, who refuses to carry anything heavier than 7 pounds and misses the girl who used to braid her hair. And Alex, whose primary activity is wondering if he can go on, and hoping that #TeamMakody is suffering while declaring his allies “the good people”. They are #TeamSnowflake
When last we left them, Alex was crying on the beach for his mommy, and Gina was wishing there was a microwave on the island. Let’s see what gifts God has planned for the good people. It’s day 28. Gina feels like when they didn’t allow #TeamMakody to eat or have shelter that they were just playing the game, but now that they are on the bottom, they fell like Team Makody is playing dirty. Yeah, torture is always more fun when you are the one doing the torturing. Just ask Hitler. Sorry had to throw that in there since CNN has said a billion times in the last 24 hours that you can never compare anyone to Hitler. Don’t think about pink elephants.
It’s time for the next hike, this means it is time for Gina to complain that there is no one to carry her. Last week, Cody had to save Gina from drowning while Alex struggled not to die himself. Team Snowflake is more dead weight on these trips. Team Makody are already carrying 64 pounds of gear while team snowflake carries a tent and a machete. Gina has 9 pounds and Alex has 16. Alex thinks it is funny to see Team Makody struggle “BECAUSE THEY HAVEN’T CARRIED THEIR WEIGHT SO FAR.” Does he know he is full of crap or is he Sheree Whitfield levels of delusional?
Why aren’t they rolling the backpack and the pot down the damn hill? I wish that Cody would stop saying that Makani is not going anywhere. Every time he says that I am more convinced that she gets injured and has to flare. I don’t want Cody to be left alone with the good people. Speaking of the good people, they are in their tent declaring Team Makani evil and psycho. Alex is a very nice guy though, according to Alex.
Alex decides to rip up all the money. How the hell did Cody let Alex get control of the bag of money? Alex says they want two jars of peanut butter and two bags of carrots and a small pot or they will start ripping up all the money. What no pizza or sandwiches? Was crème brûlée not on the menu today?
There are several decent responses to this stupidity. I’d probably go with “you do that.” and then go back to my tent. Don’t give crazy an audience. Or Cody could just go squat in their tent. Unfortunately, I don’t think pounding Alex in his head with a fist until some sense returns is an option.
Team Makody goes with the first option, but they miss the crucial step of walking away. Finally they sit down and enjoy some peanut butter with a nice cool glass of water. Cody points out that this is no different from what they do when they buy pizza and other dumb stuff. Cody and Makani have enough food to get to day 40 because they are able to ration and plan. Alex and Gina are becoming a bit morose ripping up cash. Once again, Gina is shocked she didn’t get her way. She forgot the first rule of politics, never negotiate with terrorists. The special snowflakes tantrum resulted in them tearing up over $65,000 before they got tired. Now they want to start a fire. So they do. As Gina throws wads of cash into the fire, she complains that she is being bullied. Aren’t snowflakes charming? It doesn’t occur to them that now they really have zero reason not to flare. So they decide to play cards.
So Team Snowflake is completely out of touch with reality. So what does production do? They give them a challenge that includes giving both teams a hatchet, a saw, and fifty feet of rope. Basically everything we need to turn this little show into a slasher movie. It’s a logic challenge, so do we even need to watch?
It took a lot of bitching, moaning and screaming at Makani from Cody, but they eventually get the basket. Alex’s branch was just too limp, and Gina was worthless. Another loss from the God people. Why hast God forsaken them? After Alex throws another tantrum, Gina tells him that Team Makody has a dysfunctional relationship because Cody was screaming. Meanwhile, the dysfunctional evil people are giggling and munching on fruit. Alex can’t stand to see the evil people thriving. He doesn’t think it is worth the money. WHAT MONEY, TWATWAFFLE? If you weren’t planning on flaring then burning the money was even more ridiculous. God, this dude is dumber than a box of hair. Surprisingly, Gina is trying to convince Alex not to flare. I suppose if she has to carry more than a lipstick on future legs, her feelings might change.
Gina gets the temptation and takes Alex. This is perfect for Team Makody, now they can take all the stuff. I hope they slice up the tent. The producers literally give them a pizza buffet. Good play, production! Team Snowflake returns, burping and fat as ticks, to the campsite. DAMMIT CODY! Why didn’t you slash up the tent! Why is there still money in their tent? What the hell did they do while Team Snowflake was gone? Before they nap, Alex says, “We can’t let the bully win.” I just can’t believe how deluded Team Snowflake is. If they are not being handed things, they are being bullied. The next morning Team Snowflake counts the money in the tent before giving it to Cody to carry. Then he cuts the rope off of the flare case to make it harder to carry. Cody tries to explain to Gina that if she thinks she is going to make it to day 40 she just burned her own money. She doesn’t get it. She just wants peanut butter. Someone needs to tell her that if she flares, she can have all the peanut butter her food stamps allow. At least Gina starts to get that Alex is not going to make it and she will have to either work with Team Makody or flare.
It’s time for the next journey and no one will carry the flare case. Cody is trying to convince Gina to do it. I do not like this foreshadowing of Cody saving Gina from dying last week and now trying to sweet talk her. I’m telling you, something is going to happen to my girl Makani. I feel it coming. Alex goes on a rant about….wait for it… being bullied.
Production gives them harnesses because the journey is the hardest one yet. No one is willing to take the flare case. If the case doesn’t make it to camp, they do not get the $100K. Once again, the recording ends before things are settled and I didn’t see the previews. Please tell me what happened on previews.