Anyone in the mood for some arguing? Good, because it’s time for part two of the Vanderpump Rules reunion. Last week’s part one quickly paid homage to Kristen dipping into Brittany’s lady pond, Katie’s wedding planning and James Kennedy’s cheating but, at heart, it was all about Lala. We revisited all of the horrible things Lala said about the mean girls and all of the horrible things they said about her. Katie, Stassi and Kristen vehemently denied they shared a brain then proceeded to shout in unison that Lala is a lying whore. When the episode wrapped up with an unexpected, seemingly heartfelt apology from Katie, no one knew how to react. Will the newly brokered truce carry good feelings through to this week? Yeah, I didn’t think so either.
We start discussing James’ final days at Sur. Andy asks Lala if anyone was responsible for his firing. Before she can respond, James shouts out, “Yeah, his name’s Jack Daniels.” Wow. All season James blamed Jax so it’s great to see him finally taking some responsibility. But the enablers are quick to jump in. After viewing the footage, Lisa is upset with Jax. When he points out you can’t get someone else fired, she starts yelling about him winding James up. Sigh. Jax is a meddling, shitstirring asshole but no one is to blame for James’ actions but James. And he doesn’t need anyone making excuses for him. He is seriously crushing this reunion. It’s the first time audiences are enjoying him. So let’s encourage James on whatever path he’s on now. It’s clearly working.
Moving on, we get to review the dueling birthdays. The Montauk discussion is just an excuse for the mean girls to pile on Scheana for being a whiney wet blanket. I’m torn on this one. The mean girls are bitches but I’d lose my mind if I had to listen to Scheana complain all weekend. And I don’t even want to think about how foul that Nascar RV smelled. Even though Lala didn’t make it to Sonoma, they still spend the whole segment talking about her. Ugh.
Which brings us back to Lala. Of course. Andy mentions all of the sources of income Lala claimed during her brief stint on the show and asks for the truth. She’s typically vague and I’m annoyed that I’m even writing about this again. He asks if she’s dating a married man and she’s vague again. I’ve never seen anyone plead the fifth on a reunion to this extent other than Kim Richards. Let that sink in for a minute. Lala absolutely refuses to talk about her boyfriend. Stassi tries to explain that you can’t lie about your life if you’re going to be on a reality show. Lala doesn’t care. Stassi lost Patrick. Lala isn’t going to follow her lead. Sandoval tries to clarify why everyone’s mad about the lies. It would be a lot easier for everyone if they didn’t share their personal lives. Katie and Schwartz got a lot of shit for showing their asses all season. But that’s what they signed up for. Lala is fed up. “Well that’s why I walked off so you don’t need to worry about it.” Stassi bitchily reminds her that she’s still participating in the show. “I’m still looking at you.”
Andy asks Kristen about using James to take Lala down. She’s quite proud of it. Hi, crazy Kristen. We miss you! James is furious that they lied to him but he should be angry at himself for taking the bait. I mean, he crumbled faster than wet sand. Which leads us to the NDA. First, Andy has to explain to Brittany what an NDA is. Lala doesn’t understand all the fuss. In her world, non-disclosure agreements are necessary. She learned this the hard way when someone posted video of her naked in a bathtub, high as a kite. Sandoval points out that she wouldn’t need an NDA if she hung out with trustworthy people but he obviously doesn’t get Lala Land. Andy thinks the NDA is really to protect her boyfriend and Lala freaks. She’s a celebrity. She needs an NDA. And she’ll knife anyone who mentions her boyfriend again. Alrighty then.
Andy wants to know if this is the last we’ll see of Lala now that she’s done with Sur. She pretends to get a little teary. She apologizes for the harsh things she said to everyone. Awkwardly, Kristen is the one to accept her apology. Did she even say anything about Kristen this year? After spending the entire season hating on Lala for what she said about Katie, I guess it’s fitting that Kristen take the apology on her behalf. Kind of. Schwartz lets her know that she came into the situation a little too “hot” and that he wishes he’d met this Lala. She makes excuses for herself (it’s always someone else’s fault) and makes her exit. Bye, girl, bye.
With Lala gone, we can now talk about the rest of the cast. First up is Ariana and Sandoval’s epic fight over the cocktail book. After Ariana makes a strong case for why doing the book alone meant so much to her, Sandoval admits that they’re doing it together. Sigh. Andy brings up my least favorite VPR topic: Ariana’s reluctance to marry Tom Sandoval. Listen, Ariana is my girl. I love that she doesn’t buy into the mean girls’ bs and I enjoy her feminist leanings. But I don’t believe her when she says she doesn’t want to get married. I think she says it because it’s part of her cool girl persona. And now it’s becoming her main storyline. Ugh.
Andy asks Jax about Kristen using a photo of his dick in her standup. Jax was mostly concerned about Brittany’s feelings. Kristen denies that. He only cared that he got in trouble. LVP, never one to pass up an opportunity to slam Kristen, says it was tacky and hurtful. Which segues nicely into talking about Jax’s roast. Andy can’t understand why Brittany brought her mom. I mean, sure, she was going to see it on tv but it had to be worse in person. Andy confronts my biggest issue with Brittany’s mom: Jax lies, cheats and steal but she’s only bothered by his kissing a man? Jax tries to deflect by minimizing his gay past but Andy doesn’t let him off the hook. Jax admits that, in her shoes, the cheating and drugs would have been a bigger deal. Brittany starts to get defensive and LVP jumps in to say that any mother would be curious if their future son-in-law was bisexual. “Now I’m bisexual?” Jax asks. Yeah, now. Brittany gets emotional talking about the social media backlash her mother got for being a total homophobe. She’s a great person, y’all. She doesn’t hate gay people. As long as they stay in their place and out of her family.
Andy whitewashes over the whole issue because he has a new spinoff to promote: Jax & Brittany Take Kentucky. Now’s not the time to alienate your conservative audience, Andrew! We get footage of Jax being an idiot on the farm and getting pressured to marry Brittany. They go to her church where people are speaking in tongues and he fights with her best friend, her family and, most vehemently, with Brittany herself. The final cliffhanger makes it look like they break up which means they don’t break up. At least not during filming. The only saving grace is Brittany’s mom’s makeup is a little bit better than it was on VPR. Marginally.
Nikolai, Stassi’s twelve year old brother, joins the reunion as the sassy mascot. We get a flashback to the first time we met him, giving advice to Jax on how to win Stassi back. It didn’t work but don’t blame Nikolai. Jax isn’t very good at following directions. Nikolai scolds Stassi for expecting Patrick to treat her like a princess. It’s her thing but you can’t sustain an one-sided relationship. In typical Andy style, he asks Nikolai to give each cast member a piece of advice. Schwartz: don’t call girls bitches. Katie: control your drinking and you’ll have more friends. Jax: you’re a drunk who only thinks about having sex. Ariana: think about other people or you won’t have any friends. Scheana: picking sides is stupid. Scheana argues that she wants to be friends with everyone but the mean girls make her pick sides. Nikolai scolds them and Scheana is smugly justified. He has no advice for Brittany. She’s perfect.
Andy wants to talk about the bridal shower planning and Scheana starts complaining about being left out. She didn’t get to help plan, she had to spend too much money, blah blah blah. Andy brings up Katie Cougar, the blow up doll LVP gave Katie. Everyone giggles picturing LVP at a sex shop. Katie gushes about how generous Pandora was for throwing a spa day that was almost ruined by Scheana. Scheana justifies her actions by saying Katie is a mean drunk. And they’re both right! Scheana tries to explain the difference between having a drinking problem and being an alcoholic. Katie refuses to admit she has any issues with alcohol. Full stop.
Andy mentions Ariana telling Stassi she she doesn’t give a fuck about her. Everyone laughs because it’s a great line and something everyone in that room has wanted to say to her at least once in their lifetime. Stassi tries to play victim. Ariana isn’t having it. She accuses the mean girls of manipulating fights with her. “You ask me questions, knowing you’re not going to like the answer, I give you an honest answer and then I’m the asshole.” Katie says Ariana is basing her opinion of Stassi on how she used to be and she isn’t that person anymore. Ariana brings up their drunken conversation at the wedding. She thought they were finally being real with each other but in her talking head, Stassi just gloated about cracking her. I knew letting her guard down around Stassi would come back to haunt Ariana. But it was just a joke! British humor (oops, wrong show). There’s a lot of screaming back and forth but they finally accept that Ariana and Stassi aren’t friends. And that’s okay. Until they decide it’s not.
Next week: Part Three of the reunion wraps up with hints of a Kristen engagement, jokes about a Schwartz and Sandoval double date with new bff’s James and Jax, how the mean girls encouraged Tyrant Katie, and the return of Michael Shay.
Thanks the the review! I missed the show last night.
This show absolutely did not need a three part reunion!
I agree but their ratings were REALLY high this season, so they are going to drag it out as long as possible.
It is such a pet peeve of mine when everyone talks over each other and you hear nothing. Reunions are so bad regarding this. Just hoping Andy controlled RHOA and RHOBH a bit better.
James is hilarious on this reunion! He is calling out the mean girls, especially Stassi every chance he gets! It’s so good. She even has to laugh a few times!
I loved James on the reunion, he was so funny
It was a very different James from the past. He seemed insightful and was eager to take a poke at himself. I thought he was the funniest person at the reunion. (He needs to loose the t-shirt/blazer though or at least the t-shirt, it’s not doing him any favors)
I thought James was funny and just great on the show too! He had me laughing on both reunions.
Great recap! Did anyone notice that Nikolai had no advice for Kristen? Or did I miss it? Funny, this reunion she’s the forgotten one. First Andy forgets her, now Stassi’s brother.
That kid shouldnt even watch that show. Scheana and Brittany both said they had no input on the bridal shower. Here they hold it in a beautiful home and serve Taco Bell. What dolts
“With Lala gone, we can now talk about the rest of the cast.” You make that sound like a good thing.” Lala and James are the only age appropriate people on this show. The rest Bravo execs love this show so much is because of the young, coveted viewers, how long are they going to watch the old people pushing 40 date and take adderall?
Hell the sixth grader is closer to the right target age. And I’m stuck agreeing with Spunky that he should be allowed to watch the show let alone be on it.
Lala is some dumb pretty wanna be fake gangsta girl from Utah who got plucked from obscurity to be on a show in Hollywood where some married man showed up and started buying her Range Rovers. This pissed off the washed up whores who all did the same thing and they came at her like a flock of harpies. Stassi of all people trying to out her boyfriend was the height of hypocrisy because she dated a guy in exactly the same situation. Lala was told to chose her man or the show and she chose her man and left.
That pissed off the cunts even further and they continued to try to put Lala’s private business on front street. I don’t care if Lala is dating Vladamir Putin and is giving US secrets to the Russians, it’s not the show’s business to put her private relationship on the show. She signed up for the show. She gave a version of events regarding who she is dating and left it at that. He did not sign up for the show and should be left alone. I don’t see the argument that she should have to give all of his intimate details.
If the show is stupid enough to want to get rid of her for that, then they should hold the rest of the cast to the same standard. Scheana and Shay’s relationship has been a total fraud from the outset. LVP is on a show about her restaurants and she doesn’t talk about the sexual harrassment suits from Villa Blanca.
I say you are all a bunch of Meanie McMeanersons. GIVE ME LALA!
I think she will be back.
Miss Kent will return.
I can’t stand Lala & I’m not going to apologize for it. But considering the first 2 reunion episodes were all about her, she’s clearly the star.
Don’t tell Sandoval. He thinks he’s the star.
I’m with you on Lala. Can’t stand her, don’t want to watch her.
Stassi acts like she’s the star. She interjects herself in most situations and then makes it all about her.
I love Ariana, she’s doesn’t cave when it comes to Stassi.
I’m a Lala fan and not ashamed of it. She’s simply stunning. James and Lala gave the interest injection to this reunion show, and the rest of the cast looked tired and used. Poor Brittany is so out of place and she seems to be such a sweet girl. Lord, though, she needs to quit fussing with those huge boobs. Crazy Kristen is no longer psycho because she apparently has found love. Good for her … bad for the show.
Lala’s return is the only way they can keep this ship afloat. Unless Crazy Kristen returns & kills someone (allegedly) this ship has sunk. Or maybe a Gillian ‘s island take on surviving Vanderpump Rules cast members ? Giggys Island of Neanderthals?
I agree with T about Lala. She agreed to do the show, not her boyfriend, much like Stasi and Patrick and like Cameran and her husband on Southern Charm. She’s younger than the rest of them and she’s having fun living her life. To me, she seems like someone I would have been friends with back in the day. The rest of those harpies – Hell no. They aren’t capable of actually being happy and loving people. Lala has a tough exterior but she’s all about love.
As far as NDA’s, they can be common depending upon the folks one is associating with…even personal assistants have been known to need to sign NDA’s. And shoot, depending upon the kind of occasion, one might actually WANT an NDA. I know I would!!! LOL
Lala is way to self important. NDA’s are not “common” here is Los Angeles, unless there is something significant to hide like a married man/woman.
All kinds of folks can be required to sign NDA’s…like I said before, personal assistants sometimes need to sign them, sports figures and celebrities utilize them…even some nannies are required to sign them. I’m sure it wasn’t Lala’s requirement but it would have been someone else’s’.
Agreed, I meant among regular people.
Thanks for recap, had the sound off reading a book! Cringed when I saw stasis brother on there, sad, he has no business being on nor watching show! Turned the sound up when Ariana was talking to stassi and she’s correct the girls want her to conform to their rules, and stassi was not joking, she was gleefully rubbing her hands together!
Pushing 40? Maybe Jax is………Stassi is 28, Arianna & Scheana are 31 and Katie just turned 32. Kristen is the old lady at 34. I don’t know how old the Toms are.
Sandoval is 33, and Schwartz is 34. Jax is 37. Brittany is 28.
But most of them act like they’re in their early 20’s, so the show premise (immature people partying and getting into personal conflicts) works for me in spite of their ages.
For me, the cast didn’t appear so old and jaded in the beginning. Now, I think they all look much older than they actually are, so I think we kinda forget we’re watching 20 & 30 year olds…time flies!!!
I dunno, I kinda see Lala (stupid bloody name) and her point with the NDAs. Sure, she may not be famous, but clearly she wants to work in the entertainment industry.
What if she BECAME famous and then someone was all, “I’m gonna sell these pictures of you getting gangbanged on ketamine.”
Rather prudent considering her hopes and dreams, I should say. I might start taking some with me on nights out.
Stassi crawled back from New York, on her face (twenty eight?) and James needs to swim back across the pond while he’s still in the tadpole stage. Froggy went a courtin’.