If you just come here for the Southern Charm recaps, you missed a whole lot this week. The day after the show aired I received a link to a post on Daily Mail that went into a lot of detail about Kathryn’s ongoing struggles with addiction. I wrote a long, depressing post about that here. I was just digesting the fact that perhaps Thomas is not all bad, when K. Cooper Ray told me that my harsh commentary about Shelby Dennis on last week’s recap was not justified. Lord knows I hate to be wrong, but I was. I did an interview with Shelby, that turned into a very long piece about why Shelby, K. Cooper Ray and even Jennifer Snowden are no longer friends with Kathryn, It was quite the eye opener. Several readers said they were done with Southern Charm after that. But now that I am getting ready to start this episode, I admit I can’t ever view it in the same way. Oh and Thomas let us all know that he spends his nights in the guest house with the kids and the nannies do not sleep over. I’m not sure I believe that, but I don’t know what to believe anymore.
Well, we are two for two with Whitney being on the episodes this season. He’s not a main cast member this year and I presumed the only reason he was filming at all was to roll his decrepit mother out for the camera. Now that Andy Cohen knows the truth about Phaedra, could someone tell him about Patti? I could actually live with Whitney now that he isn’t dragging lesbian actresses on the show to play his beard. But they need to throw mama from the train. Kathryn didn’t sign on until weeks after filming began so they are going to refer to her in flashbacks from last season a lot. Or so it appears. Oh, Whitney announces the breakup with the beard. I guess two seasons was a long enough contract for her. She does live in Sweden or Yugoslavia, or Transylvania or something. Shut up. I still call it Yugoslavia. It sounds so much better than all the new little countries. Anyway, upon hearing that Whitney is single, Thomas insists he start to have sex with women at bars in the bar bathrooms. Because, southern gentleman.
This was filmed so out of sequence I have no idea how this will all fit together. Kathryn stops by to film with one of the few allies she has left, Danni. Danni’s house is really great. Is that Shem Creek? Kathryn looks great in her scene with Danni. In her confessional? Not so much. Even in her scene she is evasive about whether or not she has seen the kids since she got back. She also seems to have a lot of animosity toward Jennifer.
The theme for Cameran since last season is about whether or not she wants to have kids. I think this is a good story arc for Cameran. It’s something a lot of young women go through. There is a lot of pressure on women by their families and society to start reproducing the moment they get married. It’s often expected when in reality, it’s an option. She’s on her way to visit Jennifer Snowdon who has just had Ascher after struggling through some really serious conditions with him during her pregnancy. Cameran’s mother is great and supports Cameran’s decision either way.
Jennifer tells Cameran all of the people who have been calling and checking in on her and the baby. Cameran asks if Kathryn has reached out to her. She says no. She texted her the night before she had the baby, which was at least a month after Kathryn’s return to Charleston and told her she hoped she was doing good. Jennifer’s sip and see has to be soon if it’s been four weeks since the baby was born. Kathryn’s lack of an invitation was the reason for her tirade against Jennifer.
Cameran’s mission this season is to get Chelsea and Shep together. Chelsea brings up Shep’s drinking. I’ve heard that Shep’s drinking and everyone else inserting themselves into his life is going to be a central story arc this season.
I do not understand Shep lately. He seems to really have his hate on for Craig. So why does he keep hanging out with him? Craig is allergic to cats, so he sleeps with one on his pillow. I am starting to get why Shep just wants to slap him around. We see lots of lies from Craig about his law school problems through production flashbacks. I do agree with Craig that Shep needs to leave Craig alone to make his own decisions.
Again, Whitney and an unnecessary scene. Shep could still be having this conversation with Austen. Isn’t that what his role is? Drinking with Shep? Shep and Whitney turn their conversation to Landon and Thomas. Their consensus is “People Fuck in America.” Shep tells Whitney a story about Landon while Austen sits there like a neglected ficus in an Elk Lodge. Shep is thinking about investing in an app with some local guys and they had met Landon and had nothing but terrible things to say about her. She was critical of their product, and she said that everywhere she goes everything is paid for because she doesn’t hang out with millionaires, she hangs out with billionaires.
Landon’s Embarrassing Event
I haven’t even gotten to this part yet but I feel confident she will embarrass herself so I went with that header. I did want to point out that Thomas loves a purple shirt he also likes periwinkle. Landon picked up on this early on and would compliment him on those shirts. I say all this to say I think it is a calculated move on Thomas’ part to wear the purple shirt he did to this function. I also don’t believe he has any interest at all in Landon other than to get under Kathryn’s skin. The more she reacts the more he does it. He may be the better parent of the two at the moment with his round the clock nannies, but it’s a low bar and he’s still a scumbag regarding women. Which really makes him perfect for Landon.
Drew, production’s third choice to be cast for the role of Landon’s fake boyfriend, arrives in a rented tuxedo. As one does for a website launch. Whitney arrives and introduces his escort, Daisey. He actually slips up and uses the word escort when introducing her. She doesn’t look high end. One of the blondes thinks she looks like a stripper. She also appears to have needed some sort of self medication to prepare for the event.
Craig is pissed at Shep, Cameran and Whitney because Shep said that they have all excluded them from their email chain because he’s a loser and none of them are his real friends. Or something. Sorry. It was a very juvenile comment and I didn’t pay attention because I didn’t think it would be on the test Remind me again what Whitney’s job is? Is Cameran still messing with the real estate thing? Because there are a lot of glass houses filled with losers on this show. Sure Craig may be at the top of the pile, but it’s still a pile of losers.
Cameron says that the group email is where they make fun of Craig’s Instagram.
One of the girls asks to Landon to show her the new website. She doesn’t seem to know how to get anywhere except for the page with Shep on it. Meanwhile, the girl who created the website, shows it to Whitney. Thomas who is wasted chats up Whitney and says that Landon’s site should do fine. She has really good oral skills. They laugh and laugh at Landon. Then they leave together. I’m just saying.
Shep pulls Landon aside to tell her what the App guys said about her. Landon tries to deny it. Landon is drunk. In her confessional, Landon is apparently told to jump on the Shep drinks too much and doesn’t have a job train that is headed his way. Everyone on this show drinks too much and doesn’t have a job outside the show. Except the new kid whose job is literally drinking beer. Landon thinks going on vacation is a job.
Later, Shep and Chelsea meet up with Cameran to get drunk. They order a bottle of “Weekend At Bernies” a very high octane concoction. Shep tells Cameran about his talk with Landon. Cameran doesn’t stay long because she has to go home and plan their wedding. Shep laments that no one wants to take his advice. I wonder why these people feel the need to run everyone else’s lives.
Those of you who decided not to watch this show, you are not missing a thing.
Next week: Kathryn tries to get a modeling job and meets more resistance than she expected. During this time period she was posting a lot of “modeling photos” on Instagram while Thomas continued with his good father campaign on Instagram. Shep apparently hooked up with Chelsea after the bottle of Weekend at Bernies. Then he is out picking up new fucktoys. One of them decides mid reel-in to drop the bait and run to Thomas. Craig and Naomie fight. Austen is own the prowl for women again. I hope they all run for safety.