It seems like April the Giraffe has either had or is about to have her calf and of course this happened right at 9 p.m. so I am a bit scattered.
This is the finale party and everyone seems to be there so we are in for a full hour of fighting. But first, LVP needs to rile up her foot soldiers Dorit and PK. I can only imagine how disappointed LVP has been in her army this season. And yet, she is winding them off for one last toddle into battle and pointing them at Rinna. That last part is quite unnecessary because my girl Rinna is more than will to draw fire to herself.
Despite everyone being told to wear pink, LVP herself goes very sparkly. Rinna is already killing it in the talking heads. “I like to let LVP think she has the power. For some reason that makes her happy, so I like to give her that. She doesn’t have a whole lot.” Yaaas Rinna.
There is a weird greeting between Eileen and LVP that indicates a truce could be possible. Ken is kind to Rinna during their awkward greeting despite his trash talking of her at every turn. Everyone’s greeting of Dorit is awkward because as Rinna says,”it looks like a big gold goose took a big gold shit all over her head.” LVP and I both love Erika’s pink wig unless the rest of you humorless fucks. LVP continues her fascination with Erika’s chuckalina by asking if it is pink too. It’s not. It is as hairless as Dina Manzo’s kitty cat Mrs. Wrinkles. And LVP should know this since it hasn’t been that long since she plunged her arm up to her elbow under Erika’s dress. LVP is obsessed with that puss.
And …Kim Richards has arrived. sigh. I must say she looks fabulous in pink and is sporting a diamond necklace that has to be Kathy’s because I can tell from here that it is real and it is stunning. She looks very healthy and happy. I’m bored. Let’s get to the main event.
Oh Dorit, do you really need to recruit Kim Richards to go against Rinna with you? I have an idea where that battle plan came from. This conversation is very tweedle dee, tweedle dum.
LVP, Eileen and Erika are the only ones that eat food on this show.
Kim is stirring up the pot to cause drama for Rinna. LVP literally feeds lines to Kim. And not the kind that you get in Dorit’s bathroom that make you feel confident and above it all.
Drunk PK is WAY too close to Maurico telling him the blow-by-blow of the women’s drama. We are 26 minutes in and it’s been a snoozefest of rehashed drama. Why did I expect anything better?
Eileen seems to be instigating the confrontation between Rinna and Dorit from the Rinna side. Which is odd. LVP is instigating Dorit from her side. In her talking head LVP says, ” You don’t go to a party at my house and ignore one of my good friends.” She was speaking about Dorit. Seriously. And yes, LVP that is exactly what one does if one doesn’t care for the person. Would you prefer she start a brawl as you are encouraging Dorit to do? Then she makes a random comment about Erika’s vageen for the tenth time this episode. Seriously, is she a closeted lesbian?
Wow, Rinna is being very soft-spoken with Dorit asking her what her issue is. She explains that Eden told her that Dorit was discussing Rinna with the girls claiming she has a Xanax problem and that was hurtful. Kyle jumps in on team Dorit of all things saying Dorit never said that to her. Eden waffles about saying it in the first place. LVP tells Rinna she is being paranoid.
Speaking of paranoid. There was just some weird gunfire in the hood. Not like the normal caliber we’re used to seems to have stopped. Sorry back the program currently in progress.
Rinna is being so well-behaved. Erika gets up to watch the fight. Kim follows her. Eden totally backpedals on Rinna. It’s everyone on Rinna. LVP is stepping in to rile things up bringing back her victimization routine from last year as if she was not the ring leader of the bring down Yolanda campaign. And just like tonight she’s acting like she has nothing to do with the drama. Eileen is apparently in charge of refereeing this fight and she calls a low blow with a point deducted from LVP. Kim is tagged in for the mob. Kim says Rinna has gone after her, LVP, Brandi, Yolanda and Dorit. Yes she has. Name one of those people who was not being a duplicitous bitch to the group. Rinna is the only one on the whole series that will get her hands dirty and call out the biggest shit stirrers. Please at Eden to that list as well and then sit down and shut the fuck up Kim Richards. You are not on the show, you were not their and your old victim routine is ridiculous as you are the victim of your own bad decisions. You have gone after Brandi , you have gone after LVP, you have gone after Rinna. So just shut the fuck up.
Dorit starts screaming and pointing in Rinna’s face about how she doesn’t enjoy attacking people. Um. Okay. When Rinna steps toward her we get the grand breath comment that has been played a million times as if that is the highlight of her big read on Rinna. Rinna seems bored by the unworthy opponent. So she turns the topic from Rinna is so mean to everyone to another example of Dorit being a cunt, specifically to Erika who is read to be tagged in for the right reunion couch team.
Dorit tries to deny she said some things about Erika by saying that she only called her “frigid.” I don’t think the she knows the complete definition of the word but everyone else does and they giggle. Except Erika who is not a giggler. She’s playing with her food a little before she kills it. LVP jumps in to help out Dorit, who desperately needs it. Erika doesn’t remember Dorit apologizing in Hong Kong. I actually believe Erika. She’d been drinking a good bit which is why she let her emotional guard down in the first place.
Here comes PK. Erika asks him if he ever said that she deliberately didn’t wear panties so she could attempt to seduce him. He says he doesn’t have a photographic memory so if he said it he doesn’t remember. I can’t even recap PK. He gives me the creeps. Then Dorit tries to blame Eileen for the constantly bringing up the pantygate thing. Eileen says she can’t imagine Vincent ever talking to a woman like that. Everyone disperses and Erika and Dorit seems to make up.
The only thing worse than the gold poop on Dorit’s head is the greasy mess that is the back of her head.
Just when things were all better, Eden wants to come for Rinna. Rinna tells Eden the situation between them is quite simple. The moment she ran to LVP to talk about her was the moment their friendship ended. Eden starts screaming about giving Rinna her heart and soul and then scream at her that she’s a bitch. #EdensLoveStory Eden goes on and on and on with a laundry list of things she has given Rinna, her heart, her liver, her soul, her kneecaps and she has been there for her unconditionally with all the support in the world! Eden’s rant sounds like a deranged woman after she finds out her fiancée slept with the maid of honor at the bachelor party. Rinna is perplexed. She points out that she barely knows Eden. She wants to say something like we’ve shot like five scenes together all season. I can feel it. She says she didn’t ask Eden to “be there for her.” Well she was there for her with the Kim stuff and Rinna was never there for her! Rinna keeps pointing out to her that she seems really angry. Which is a bitch move because Rinna knows full well that make the crazy worse. Everyone else is sitting in stunned silence because Eden hasn’t said much of anything all season. I guess it was obvious at this point that Dorit had stolen her diamond. The best part is Eden is wearing a tulle ball gown which she holds up like a Disney princess when she flounces off. #EdensDisneyLoveStory #ImCallingMyInternetBoyfriendWhoMayBeASerialKiller #PinkCrystalsAndUnicorns
Rinna is hold back laughter and then asks the entire party, who’s next in line to scream at her. I’m pretty sure she did take a Xanax for this evening because she has been cool as a cucumber all night. Eileen says Eden told her before the party that she feels dismissed by everyone and no one ever listens to her. #EdensSadLoveStory
Erika, has had enough. She’s the first to get her exit time. The only thing of import on her end notes is she has been asked back to Y & R. Which is awesome. #LVPsDreamJob
I forgot to mention Camille is there. She is pushing hard to come back. She is putting it out there that they are asking her and that she is not sure if she wants to because of her new man. But she’s full of it, if they ask her she will be back and I hope she is. And Dorit is not.
Eileen’s end notes were about Erika not asking her to be on one of her videos but she’s working on her dance moves just in case.
Dorit’s end notes were total rubbish.
LVP ‘s notes were about her fabulous new dog rescue center in Weho. It’s quite posh.
Rinna and Harry went to Italy to watch their girls walk in fashion week and recently celebrated their 20th reunion. Take that, Hollywood!
Kyle’s scripted series is ready to roll. Kyle and Maurico have decided to spend some of his increasing income on a major home renovation rather than buying another house.
And the season comes to a merciful end.