Finally have a moment to recap Feud. There is so much on Sunday night’s I can’t possibly get through it all and there comes a time where trying to do one more recap would result in a recap even more incomprehensible and typo ridden than the ones you are accustomed to. As someone with no idea about this feud at all, I think I am probably enjoying it more than those of you who know the real story and how everything turns out. This week is Oscars night and this should be good!
First of all, I need all of Kathrine Hepburn’s signage to go the hell way from her house. I love it. Also, wow, the nominations were all such big names. These days there are usually tons of people I’ve never heard of in the running. Poor Joan, snubbed again. Joan being Joan was not going to allow the Academy Awards to happen without her, so she demanded to be a presenter.
Bette calls Olivia de Havilland in Paris for moral support. This week we introduce another feud between Olivia and her sister Joan Fontaine. Again, I had to Google to see who these characters were. I do recognize the name but both were before my time and believe it or not, I wasn’t exposed to TV much at all until the end of high school. Once I finally moved out of my parents house, I was the rebellious one who could now watch all the TV in the world. This is how I became addicted to television. And well also kind of slutty, but that’s another story. Let this be a lesson to the strict, religious parents out there, that technique often tends to backfire.
Mamacita walks through a scene with Joan and I am mesmerized. I truly need a spinoff of just Joan and Mamacita. She doesn’t even have to say a word and she is fascinating. Joan’s guest, Hedda is sitting on a couch covered in heavy plastic. Even the throw pillows. lol. Hedda devises a strategy for the two of them to poison the well with the academy voters encouraging them not to vote for Bette. Women are such cunts. Joan is so jealous of Bette she can’t see straight. She’s having a drunken breakdown with Hedda. Joan tells Hedda she can’t believe she “agreed to be a presenter.” She can’t do it. It will humiliating. But Hedda says she must.
I am missing the point of Joan calling another nominee and freaking her out. Oh, she wants Paige to stay home so that she can accept the Oscar on her behalf. And the poor woman agrees! Her next stop is to see Anne Bancroft. Joan compliments her performance to a half empty house. Such dedication. Oh, such condescension. Anne has to miss the ceremony because she is on Broadway and doesn’t want to let her fans down, so Joan convinces her to let her accept her award on her behalf even though Anne is on to her. Anne gives her a huge compliment on her role in Baby Jane, and seemed to be a true fan.
On Oscar Day, Mamacita runs a tight ship with a glam squad of at least a dozen people arriving midday to begin the process of getting Joan camera ready. For reasons I do not understand, her hair person covers her head in powder making it appear gray. It appears she was going for a head to toe silver look. Literally. I’m going to let Eric, or one of you tell me who the nice man is that tries to talk Joan out of trying to steal the night from Bette. I am mesmerized by the gown Joan is wearing. I want it. I could wear it to the ghetto liquor store or something.
Meanwhile, everyone is setting up Bette to feel confident of her win. This is making me nervous. Olivia does indeed arrive from Paris to sit with Bette at the ceremony. Both women bond over the glory of winning an Oscar making them feel loved. Bette admits it is kind of sad, but Olivia gets it. Olivia is a great hype girl for Bette on the red carpet.
Joan has completed a full takeover of the green room replete with a team of waiters, full catering and Mamacita at the helm, and at the bar. This is against the academy by laws and she is reprimanded but not stopped. I mean how do they even try to stop her? She brought cold cuts for everyone!
When Bette finds out that Joan is playing belle of the ball in the green room, she busts in like a bat out of hell. But before anyone takes of their earrangs for the brawling, Joan is called out to present best director. She does so with grace and aplomb and then leads the winner on a circuitous route through the mens room to the press room. I suppose she just wanted as many people as possible to see her?
Joan actually goes right back to the stage where she hovers behind the curtain during the best actress award hoping that one of her two choices wins so that she can accept the best actress award herself.
Holy shit! Anne Bancroft wins and out walks Joan to accept the award. Then she goes to the press room and has her photo taken with the Oscar. Wow.
Bette is devastated. Joan takes the Oscar home with her.