On last night’s WWHL, we got to see the newlyweds for the first time after the wedding. Let’s see if the wedded bliss Schwartz talks about is true, or of the have the body language of Nick Viall and his newly betrothed.
It’s been 250 days since the wedding. Also the 21st has always been considered the first FULL DAY of spring. I hate when people act like it’s the 20th just because it starts on that day technically. #petpeeve. It’s a GLORIOUS day in the ghetto and my mood has been profoundly improved over the last couple of days. Windows open in the shack, sunroof open in the hooptie, y’all!
In the first poll, 58% of voters still think this marriage is doomed.
There was a disgusting Stassi scene that Andy just had to replay on his show where Stassi is giving intimate details about her sex life with someone. I headed over to Lady C’s fabulous recap of the show to try to figure out who she was talking about. Lady C, kindly ignored the whole scene, reinforcing my gut reaction of “the less we think of that scene the better.”
Next we are reminded that Scheana lied her face off to LVP about her blissful marriage. She leaves out the part where Shay is a suicide washerwoman whose life revolves around doing Scheana’s laundry and whatever self-medications he can find. And Matt Jordan thinks he has something to bitch about?
On the finale, Scheana tells LVP that Shay disappears for days at a time and that he cleaned out their entire back account leaving her with only $32. She’s already got a divorce attorney. Andy says that things got really heavy at the reunion when Shay came.
The newlyweds actually took Stassi on their honeymoon, so Andy wants to test their limits on what they will include Stassi in.
They say yes to a threesome (probably happened on the honeymoon), a GYN check up, couples massage, tantric sex couples workshop, and delivery room. Katie said probably not to, couples therapy (but Tom was okay with it).
How old do I have to be to sound like an old lady on the phone? I don’t think I’m there yet, but this lady that just called got me to thinking that if I want a career as a phone sex operator in the future, my window of opportunity may be closing.
Andy always asks questions where the answer requires breaking the fourth wall. Everyone wants to know why they spent $10K on flowers instead of flying out Tom’s family. The truthful answer is that Bravo paid for both. Let’s see what Katie says. Katie is trying to think of a way to respond and Tom bails her out saying he had no idea how much she spent on flowers. She paid for that. Katie, just nods and says, “Yeah, I paid for those.” I wish Andy would not ask questions that require the guests to lie. And I seriously doubt the flowers even cost Bravo $10K. Then Andy gives another promo to 20 Mile house saying they should give them half their money back because everyone is going to want to get married there when they see the wedding next week, Seriously, I know the normals are naive but the people who watch WWHL are not down with this bullshart.
Poll: Who should get married next? Ariana & Tom? 80% Jax & Kentucky? 20% James &Raquel? 0%
I think it will be Kristen and Carter.
Andy asks when they are going to have a baby. I should point out that on social media “Katie looks pregnant” is a regular talking point. Just because Katie is not anorexic like the other girls doesn’t mean she is pregnant. But I must admit in some photos I’ve kind of wondered myself. She is wearing a form fitting dress tonight and looks stunning with no signs of a bump. Katie is ready to be pregnant though and so is Tom.
They did not have sex on their wedding night. Katies passed out in their bed and Schwartz passed out on the stoop of the main house. #Klazzy
Stassi and Kristen call in together. Kristen wants to know why she wasn’t in the wedding poll, but James was. I found that odd myself. Stassi asks what the kinkiest thing they have done since they got married. Andy sort of interrupts before they can answer.
Andy was apparently in a hurry to get the male stripper out he bought himself Schwartz.
Their biggest fights are about where to eat. Tom admits he doesn’t have a real job because the show takes up so much time.
I couldn’t wait for this show to end. I just can’t with the threesome. Seriously, how sad is all this? They are so awkward it is painful to watch. Wasn’t Stassi in the audience? I can’t believe that she would miss an opportunity to have a few seconds with a camera on her. She must be deathly ill.
I am not surprised at all that Scheana lied to anybody. This is just so sad. She looks like a total fool. LVP is setting herself up to say, I didn’t know anything about it. Absolving herself of looking like a fool too. She was all about Scheana and Shay. Just like (until recently) she was all about Katie and Tom.
That explanation about the flowers made no sense at all. NONE. Even if she had her hands full she could have asked someone (Stassi is always around, yes?) to find a way to get Tom’s family there IF they really wanted to come. His Mom was there. Are his parents still together? Maybe there was a conflict there? Maybe it’s just reasonable to guess that since she didn’t go out of her way and they didn’t go out of their way that there is where the conflict lies. I don’t know.
I need to focus on important things now, like the questions of the new SC nominee. I am spending waaaaayyy to much time on things that have nothing to do with real life. :}}}}}
I just found out that next week is the season finale. Am I the only one who missed that? Duh.
An no! to the Stassi story. I refuse. #Thirsty.
It’s light at the end of the tunnel for the three recaps a week thing starting for you this week. 🙂
And The Walking Dead ends in 2 weeks. I keep fluctuating between feeling overwhelmed with 3 recaps & figuring out what I can write about when they’re done. At least we’ll get a couple of weeks of VPR reunions…
Oh anytime you are low on stuff to post, I can certainly help you out! 🙂 I’ve got a hot smart guy in the wings for Potomac, well other than the fact he recently left the country. Hopefully he’ll be back in time! lol
Versailles season two?
Yeah, Kristan and Carter. He actually seems like a real adult. But what will Sandoval and the bobblehead bitch about then?
I thought what is the story line going to be next season going to be? but it might have just been answered. Katie gets pregnant and Stassi moves in with them as I think she is Katie’s true love, the same way Tom Sandavol is Schwartz’s true love. These people just keep getting more drunk, high and strange every episode. I hope Tom Schwartz doesn’t end up with a drinking issue, he was drunk far more then he was sober this season and now he has 2 wives, 3 if you include Kristen’s part time interference.
I asked Andy on twitter why he wants us to continue to believe that the #WeddingByBravo was paid for by the broke Tom & Katie? I will let you know if he answers me. It’s so frustrating that both Lisa and Andy keep talking about how “poor these kids are” but they can find $50.000.00 just like that? Weren’t they just laughed at by the pre-nup guy about how little money they had? We had to hear Scheana lie and lie and lie all season and she actually thinks we believe her, and if you don’t you get… #BlockedByScheana like I did..lol So the truth needs to come out about this wedding and why his family really wasn’t there.
Thanks as always for this TT
I really appreciate the WWHL recaps xo
I had a Jax moment in my first sentence of my previous comment..running on confusion..sorry
OMG your comment made me imagine a PREGNANT KATIE storyline. That would be just awful. I mean want her to be a mom, I just don’t want to see hormonal Katie.
lillybeth53, it would appear from the filings in Tom’s parents’ divorce, his father “may” have had a drinking problem at the time of the divorce. The father was only allowed to come to the marital property for up to 2 hours per week to perform repairs or chores and when he was on the property he was prohibited from consuming or being under the influence of alcohol. This was in an agreed order extending a temporary injunction against domestic violence signed in August, 2012.
Those two procreating?
I’m surprised that the finale is so soon and only features the wedding, because when Stassi went on Katie and Tom’s honeymoon in real time (and complained about how perfect it was for couples–no shit, it’s a honeymoon destination–and she was single) Kristen had snapped that the “producers” weren’t letting her go on the honeymoon as well, which led me to believe it would be featured on this season. I actually half expected some tea on here about it, but I guess in the end it wasn’t filmed. Maybe Katie and Tom fakes an excuse so Kristen wouldn’t join ??
I sort of remember that. But I’m just commenting to say I love your user name. 🙂
Most telling fact: Tom saying he has no full time job because the show takes up too much of his time.
Really? Imagine Katie pregnant and not working? What’s next EBT cards?
Um you do realize that being on this show is a high paying job. That’s why they don’t work at SUR anymore except for the cameras. Both of them get salaries from VPR that they are saving while being stuck in the small apartment for the sake of the show, so they can buy their house.
Not to mention all the promotional events they get paid for.
Maybe LVP will buy them a house as a wedding gift. I so want to be adopted by Ken and LVP!
How much is Tom paid? Didn’t he make a joking comment on the show recently that he doesn’t get out of bed for less than $20,000? I assumed he was talking about his modeling “career”.