It’s time for another ridiculous episode of Catfish where I ask the question, is a new couch and a fresh coat of paint for your living room, really worth this level of humiliation? I mean have you seen this show?
Danny is being catfished this week by someone claiming to be a girl named Rosa. Danny and Rosa both live in Orlando, but they have never met. That’s because Danny is a fucking idiot. Rosa supposedly moved from Connecticut to Orlando on a job transfer during the time that they were talking after meeting on social media. Danny is ready to start a family with someone on Instagram he is not even sure is a female.
So Danny saw the beautiful girl on Facebook named Rosa and tried to get her attention but she ignored him. He kept searching for her and found two other pages for the same girl. The third one responded. Clearly, someone he knows started a fake page to entrap him based on his obsession for more than a year with this Rosa girl who was magically transferred just outside the Magic Kingdom. Nothing suspicious at all here. I can’t wait for the happy ending and the final check-in where she is pregnant with his baby.
Rosa regaled Danny of stories about how “feisty” Rosa is. She is so beautiful so of course her coworkers are jealous and she occasionally has to beat a few of them down and bang heads on the floor. She also mentioned a childhood molestation. Danny encouraged her to go to church. She’s even been arrested for it. BUT, Danny says… wait for it… “I don’t judge a book by its cover. Sometimes you have to open the book and read it.” If Danny learns anything tonight, I hope it is what the expression, “Don’t judge a book by its cover means.” I seem to recall having to explain this to a Catfish reader here once before. Danny picking a chick who looks pretty on the Internet is judging a book by its cover. And the boys are about to read it to him.
The Required Perfunctory Google Search
The results of the random Google search lead the guys to find Brandy. It’s probably this Brandy who ended up being fat. That was one of my first Catfish Recaps and apparently I sucked at recapping then because there is very little information. Rosa only has 15 friends and Brandy is one of them. So they call Brandy, who lives in Dallas and she says she has no idea who that Rosa is. Do we believe her? No, no we do not.
Downloading the Sucker
Danny seems quick to accept the fact that Rosa is not the girl in the photo. Too quick if you ask me. Max and Nev suspect that Brandy is the catfish. I really think that might be a coincidence. I think it is someone that Danny knows in Orlando who was aware that he had a thing for the Rosa in the photos. Remember he liked Rosa for a year before she ever responded to him and the fake Rosa only has 15 friends.
Nev Makes the Call
Nev makes the call to the catfish who will pretend to be nervous about the meetup but in fact she has already been in touch with production and has cleared her schedule for the upcoming filming. In an unusual twist, Nev makes the call right in front of Danny instead of stepping outside. Also, Rosa is pissed that Danny called them and says they are basically calling her a liar. Um, yeah. Yeah we are. Rosa is in Connecticut. Danny has the sads.
I’ve been interrupted during this recap so many times I forgot my whole point for watching this show. The FURNITURE. It looks like the wall colors this year are either lime green or white. Still unsure if it is paint or CGI this season. The new thing is everyone gets pretty plants this season. Also, Danny got some cool shelves attached to his wall. He doesn’t seem to have a couch at all.
Confronting the Catfish In a Park Near a Large Body of Water
Wow, the go straight to the catfish’s house. That rarely happens. Nev goes to the door while Max and Danny wait outside under a tree. When the catfish sees Danny she has a breakdown and starts crying. Nev goes in to comfort her and ultimately drag her out into the backyard.
And out comes José. José is a rather large guy who clearly didn’t dress up for this encounter. I get the feeling José has been in those same clothes for days. Don’t ask me how I know this. José went to school with the real Rosa, whose name is Natalie, and she bullied him. Danny says he needs to get out and go to church and stop hiding in the house. Danny is heartbroken, embarrassed and hopefully less naïve.
José is a hot mess. Surely Nev and Max are going to try to get him some help. The next day Danny goes with Max and Nev to talk to Danny. Danny prays for José in Spanish asking God to show him is plan and to help him out of the darkness. Okay, I’m bawling like a baby. I love Danny. It looks like José got the new furniture.
They check in with Danny four months later. He’s been dating, nothing serious. Danny said he has sent José some texts for spiritual guidance, but he hasn’t done that in a while. José has his own place, a new job, and a new church. José has met someone. Sounds like a male someone. He seems happy and looks so much better.
I’m pissed I didn’t get to see the park in Hartford.