This is not a recap. I just want a spot to talk to y’all about how big of a douchenozzle Nick is. We are down to four. He has to send someone home before the bang cards are given out.
Before he eliminates one, Andi Dorfman arrives to give him her blessing on banging whoever he wants to with his bang cards. She says unless he really knows she is not the girl for him, he can bang them all. Because Lord knows she did. She had sex with Nick, and then sort of mocked his sexual prowess in her book, and lied to Josh, the man she gave her final rose to when he asked her about it. This was part of the reason they broke up. So clearly, Andi is now the go to girl for how to handle the bang cards.
Josh sends Corrine home, because he’s already banged her. That leaves Rachel in the final three. If she makes final two, this entire season is spoiled since she has already been announced as The Bachelorette. I wish he would have picked Corrine. I think she was perfect for him. Corrine went straight into character on her car ride home. She was fake from start to finish. Again, perfect for Nick.
Apparently the banging will happen in Finland. Finland is so gorgeous. I don’t think I have ever been to Scandinavia. I’ve been to Denmark, and for some reason I think that counts, but not really.
Why is this episode only an hour? It’s usually two. Raven tells Nick she loves him. She hasn’t ever said that to anyone. She’s only had one sexual partner and is ready to have two. She tells Nick that she has never had an orgasm during sex. I love Raven. I don’t want her to have sex with Nick. I hope he sends her home and doesn’t use his bang card. She basically tells him he is the first person she has been in love with. This is breaking my heart. Raven, YOU ARE WAY TOO GOOD FOR NICK.
Please Nick, have some human decency and don’t bang Raven.
Next week, The Bachelor is three hours. One with each of the two remaining bang cards plus THE WOMEN TELL ALL. I am not sure how this will jive with my DVR. But if I can, I’ll try to put up a post.
I NEED YOU GUYS TO TALK TO ME. Because who else would I admit watching this to?