You would think running a website would be a great idea for a hermit. But I have been overwhelmed lately with conversations with lawyers. Tax lawyers. Entertainment lawyers. Branding lawyers. Local journalists in a variety cities discussing Internet trolls in their towns. It’s been a lot. Some folks are going to feel kinda funny in Sunday school in a few weeks. Others are going to have media on their door step.
So I am a bit exhausted as I go into this RHOA recap. Let’s do this! We’re still at the campsite up the street and things are ratchet as usual. Kandi is leaving in her own ride. She is not going to be on the bus with any of them. I should point out that this is in fact the kind of trip to use your Louis Luggage if you must indeed have it. It’s fine if it basically never leaves your supervision. I have a pretty fabulous piece of leather luggage that doesn’t have LV all over it that is perfect for trips to the cabin and even a weekend domestic trip for checked baggage. When checking a bag you need to try to be inconspicuous, without being that same black canvas bag everyone else has. The best way to do that is to tie a ribbon somewhere or put a UGA tag on it. #TravelTipsByTamara
Meanwhile the people on the bus going to the Chateau Sheree bus stop all start denying. Phaedra denies saying that Kandi is fucking Shamea. Can I ask an inappropriate question related to my plans to be a late in life lesbian like Meredith Baxter Birney, is it still called fucking when it is two girls? I mean straight folks fuck, gay men fuck, but I really think a penis is key to fucking. Am I wrong? Misinformed? Politically incorrect? I seriously need to know because I think my dramatic ass would be a great above the waist late in life lazy lesbian.
Porsha thinks getting caught on her lies is hysterical. She does say she finally owned up to it. Sort of. Marlo must be all kinds of upset that her fashions were not shown on the trip. Because that bitch had 92 looks from her skills. Or maybe this. Allegedly. They really were spectacular. I will try to include one as the lead photo. Marlo is a lot of things. But a fashionista is certainly one of them.
Cynthia has a steep downward driveway just like Kenya’s and a lot of folks in Atlanta. We are in the foothills of the Appalachians so there are few flat spaces. So for whatever reason her driver left her at the top of the driveway to navigate her bags on wheels. I have to say when I went to Paris the Christmas before last I used a car service that was so luxurious it was one of the best parts of my trip. Then the breeze through our International terminal had me in the Delta lounge for hours with free food and alcohol! I am a horrible backseat driver after letting my boyfriend at the time drive my car off a cliff …it’s a long story. But I loved these guys. If I ever get up again, I will never pay $15 a day for airport parking again.
I love that Cynthia has the “what is a lesbian?” conversation in front of Noelle. She makes it clear that most women have dipped their toe in the lady pond and that does not make you a lesbian.
Later, Cynthia does and Atlanta launch of her Cargo line with Noelle. She wants to include Kairo but it is not a paid booking. He will get a Cargo bag. Sheree is not amused. She needs a hundred dollars at least lol.
When Kandi comes home she tells Don Juan about how Porsha has been trying to get with her. Porsha is texting with Kandi about the whole situation and the way Kandi is telling it is that Porsha doesn’t want her own swims in the lady pond divulged. Suddenly I wonder if Porsha and Kordell married as two gay people in a double beard situation. I actually had a friend like that. She didn’t think I knew but my gaydar with American men is impeccable and her situation was obvious. The were about having babies.
I am not commenting on this Better Late Than Never video by Riley. It’s SAD. In every possible way. I’m not sure if it was mean or nice for Bravo not to autotune.
Kenya is taking Cynthia and Mal out for a … pussy party. It’s a vaginal rejuvination party for Cynthia’s 50th birthday. I am over this. I didn’t like it when Sonja did it, I am not into it for Cynthia. BTW, today is Cynthia’s birthday. But Cynthia actually did it. And it was filmed.
Phaedra is off to visit her divorce attorney. Will this be a real scene? I doubt it. Here is the real story. She has done so many shady things with this divorce that even I don’t know what is going on. ROFLMAO this attorney’s career is forever ruined. She tells Phaedra the divorce is final. BWAHAHHHAAHAHHAH
The attorney says that Apollo does not know. Phaedra says she will tell him. As it turns out, she filed under fraudulent names and Apollo is now the plaintiff in the divorce. Literally none of Phaedra’s scenes are true.
It’s time to see Porsha’s Brothel. I’ve already said all I have to say about that here. Phaedra brought Porsha a bottle of Hennessy OMG. It’s Chateau Sheree all over again. The house is empty and they play the realtor footage with the playground for the kids and the empty rooms. Production is very shady.
Porsha’s fake unemployed boyfriend brings her a necklace that was a product promotion and not something great. It’s sad.
Next we meet for a Kandi and Porsha showdown. They are at a restaurant that uses the blue glasses that I saw on the dollar store and only bought two of. I wish I had bought more. I love them and they hold 12 ounces even though the are short.
Kandi is pissed that Porsha pretended she didn’t know she was the one spreading rumors. Kandi says that she needs to own her shit about having sex with Block. Kandi says that Porsha has sex with all kinds of girls. Kandi denies having a sex dungeon. Kandi goes for the jugular saying that Porsha wanted to give her oral sex.
Porsha accuses Kandi of having a lesbian relationship. I am bored. Really? Porsha says that Todd’s alias is Marvin. Look both of the bitches fuck a lot. More power to them. The slut shaming of the other one is ridiculous.
Next Week: It’s the trip to Maui.