There is a spoiler at the end of this story. Not about who wins, but about who goes home next. Proceed at your own risk. It was IMPOSSIBLE for me to miss tonight. Please don’t discuss any other spoilers in comments. If you do not know what a spoiler is, please to not post a comment at all.
I would say that Nick Viall is the worst bachelor EVER, but then, I remember Juan Carlos. You remember Juan Carlos, he was the one that said, “It’s okay.” every time one of the women let him know that some of the things he was doing, like making it clear to them all that he used all four bang cards, was totally NOT OKAY.
I do not normally post about The Bachelor here because there is a very credible site that spoils the winner (or loser depending on your perspective) every single season. I prefer to be surprised. So posting about it here would invariably end up with someone commenting, HE PICKS CORRINE! Or something and then I would be pissed. Although at this point, I hope he does pick Corrine.
So tonight after spending a LOT OF TIME putting suntan lotion between the poor little Russian girl’s legs on the boat, he sends her packing before the rose ceremony. Earlier in the day, a sort of chill (boring) blond girl was booted after giving her practiced, “I’m falling in love with you speech.” On both occasions he gave the girls a tearful speech about how he felt like he was farther along in the other four or five relationships, and he just doesn’t think he has enough time to develop deeper feelings for them. So sorry for leading you on so long, blond girl whose last boyfriend died. Thanks for letting me rub lotion on your crotch in front of two other girls on the boat little Russian girl who was left alone at home to eat lipstick by her mother. But you are cut. I like the blond chick who has a nanny. That’s like getting a twofer! And I need a photo of the nanny.
So we are down to the bimbo with the nanny, the SPED teacher, the really pretty black girl who is way, way, way too good for Nick. And Raven, the good ole southern girl.
Except. SPOILER AHEAD. Tonight, after the show, it was IMPOSSIBLE to not find out one more girl who is not getting a rose.
It was on the Internet. It was on WWHL. It was on Jimmy Kimmel. It was tweeted by The Hollywood Reporter hundreds of times causing it to trend on Twitter! IT WAS ON CNN!
Stop reading here if you are unspoiled and still don’t want to know.
The HUGE NEWS is that we are going to have our first black Bachelorette. It’s Rachel. WHO IS CURRENTLY IN THE FINAL FOUR? THEY COULD NOT HOLD THIS INFORMATION ANOTHER WEEK OR TWO? SERIOUSLY?
And someone is coming back.
At this point, I hope that Nick either ends up with Corrine, or that whoever he chooses turns down the final rose. This idiot is on his THIRD SEASON. And I’m sure he will be on Bachelor in Paradise, which is fine. But he really ruined this season.
And so did the stupid announcement. This is a stupid show for stupids.