I don’t know how tonight’s Vanderpump Rules can compete with last week. James Kennedy’s triumphant rap performance was overshadowed by an amazing ambush from his side pieces (coordinated by the ever delicate flower, Scheana Shay). His very public meltdown, which devolved into a bar brawl with Jax Taylor, was entirely expected. Wash, rinse, repeat. Kristen in the peanut gallery, cackling at the whole thing, was just the icing on the cake. It was everything I look for from this bunch of wild and crazy “kids.” Hopefully they can keep up the momentum this week.
I’m already annoyed. We start with Katie and Schwartz opening wedding RSVPs. Katie spent $18 per invite but forgot to put names on the responses so they have no idea who is actually RSVPing. The Brain Trust hard at work. Luckily, Kristen shows up to talk about the James debacle. Whiney Katie ruins it by whining about Scheana and we miss out on Kristen’s gloating. Then whiney Katie starts whining about Ariana. She literally says she needs to fall in line. Ugh.
At Sur, Jax, Scheana and Ariana talk about the James fight. Jax claims James started it. He was just there because he likes trance music. Lisa joins to chastise them. She fired James to avoid the drama but now Scheana and Jax are trawling around town for it. Scheana, knowing which side her bread is buttered on, pretends to be contrite. Jax doesn’t so he doesn’t.
Tom Sandoval is getting back into modeling. He brings Schwartz to his very important gig being shot by Jessica Simpson’s dad. Because Joe Simpson is known for being a photographer. Sandoval arrives with a case of Coors Light. Professional. As Sandoval gets his makeup done, the Toms discuss Katie’s problems with Ariana. Sandoval puts the blame squarely on the mean girls. Schwartz waffles. He explains that he’s Team Katie for the next month (Freud would have a field day with him) so he has to have her back on this. Sandoval agrees to talk to Ariana. Whatever it takes to be a part of Weddings By Bravo. And then it’s showtime. Joe Simpson reminds Sandoval it’s stomach in, dick out. You gotta love people with zero self-awareness.
James and his pageant queen girlfriend go to dinner. Although she’s desperately clinging to the fantasy that James didn’t cheat, Raquel openly questions him about how the girls even had the opportunity to get in his bed or go home in his clothes. James stammers out some bullshit she wants to believe but knows she shouldn’t. Finally he gets exasperated and tells her she just has to trust him. And she does, if she wants to stay on TV.
Jax and Brittany go to church. It’s flying rainbow flags so I doubt it’s one her mom would pick but hey, it’s a start. The sermon is about anger and it’s totally wasted on Jax. Jax jokes that he hopes going to church will make Brittany happy enough to get her off his back and back in that kitchen, where she belongs.
Stassi is taking care of her mom after a hysterectomy. I assumed she had plastic surgery so now I feel a little bad. Katie shows up because, camera. Katie asks Stassi’s brother if he has advice for Sassi about her break up. As usual, he’s the only voice of reason on the show. He points out that she has all of her friends and Patrick is all alone. Stassi pretends to break down and Nikolai comforts her. He tells her life is tough. “Especially in your twenties.” I love this kid.
James and Sandoval go to coffee. James doubles down on his “I did not have sexual relations with that woman” lie. Sandoval thinks he did. I’m surprised. Sandoval usually enables him. James gets pissed and refuses to take responsibility. Again.
Peter (and his Everybody Loves Raymond voice) is producing a short movie. He calls it Star Wars meets Halo and it stars Tom Sandoval. It sounds like a nightmare. Peter wears a tank top and his arms are distractingly swollen. I hope he’s not on the Jax steroid plan. Ariana shows up to support and Sandoval tells her Katie is threatening to kick her out of the Weddings By Bravo. Ariana refuses to apologize. And now she’s even more pissed. Uh oh.
Pandora is throwing a scripted spa day as her bachelorette gift to Katie. She and Scheana raid Lisa’s liquor stash which is really just an excuse for Scheana to complain about bridezilla Katie. I mean, she was super chill about her wedding (insert obligatory flashbacks to Scheana being worse than Katie). Lisa tries to calm her down. Katie is her favorite this year (Weddings By Bravo) but she still has a soft spot for Scheana. Lisa blames the whole thing on Stassi and she’s not entirely wrong.
Tom Schwartz goes to drinks with Katie, Jax, Ariana and Carter. OMG. That’s not Katie. It’s Sandoval. I need to pause the show and chuckle over that one for a minute. Ok, I’m back. The guys are going to join the bachelorette party in drag. The Toms and Jax are really excited about it. Carter is just there for camera time. They joke about their lack of homoerotic antics (insert obligatory flashbacks to their homoerotic antics). And then they discuss the Ariana conundrum. While she won’t apologize, Ariana is willing to make Stassi love her. Even if she has to make out with her.
Pandora’s spa party is at her house and Stassi has never seen it. My, how the mighty have fallen. Stassi lets us know Lisa gave it to her for her birthday. Meow. Ariana shows up and the mean girls get ready to rumble. Scheana stirs the pot but Ariana refuses to take the bait. She tells Stassi she just wants to have fun with her. Stassi takes it as an apology.. Scheana naturally takes credit for the truce. At lunch they inform the other ladies that they’ve worked things out. Katie isn’t satisfied. Even though it’s not in her nature to make things about her (ha!), this is her wedding and everyone needs to respect her authority.
Seeing that she’s not getting much traction from Stassi and Ariana, Katie turns on Scheana. Scheana gets defensive and complains about Katie’s mean, drunken texts. Katie flips. She’s sick of being characterized as Tequila Katie. They go round and round. You’re a mean drunk! You’re fake! Finally Scheana throws down her napkin and storms away from the table. Pandora looks around in despair. Is the camera time really worth all this drama? Scheana returns to the table to apologize. She passive-aggressively offers to leave so Katie can enjoy her day. Instead, Katie pulls her aside so they can beat a dead horse. Ugh. I just can’t with this storyline anymore.
Ariana brings Sandoval and Jax to Lisa’s closet to find drag outfits. Jax goes to try on a dress and Lisa catches him checking out his rack in the mirror. Jax and Sandoval have a ball. I’m just happy to see something that doesn’t focus on Katie.
Speaking of the devil, Katie and Schwartz go out to dinner. They fight about Ariana ruining Katie’s bridal shower. Katie gets vicious. Schwartz asks if she’s drunk. Uh oh. Katie no likee. It just goes downhill from there. Their dinner gives me indigestion.
Next week: Scheana throws a pool party. Katie drinks and stews. Lisa gives James another chance. The gang hits New Orleans and they drink. A lot.
Katie gets worse and worse each episode. Even though I know they’re married already, I keep screaming at the screen, “Don’t do it Tom. Don’t marry her.”
Me, too.
Couldn’t agree more. You know what’s wierd about Katie? She refuses to see she’s become a righteous bit cheaper (in a bad way). People try to tell her she gets defensive. Now the show is trying to show her and she just screams that she got a bad edit? I see more monsterous behavior in her future.
Bitch not :bit cheaper”
I’m so ready for this wedding to be over so that everyone can stop kissing Kates ass! I used to actually feel sorry for her but she’s really just another mean girl! I really think Schwartz would rather marry any of the guys over her!
Right?! Could not agree with everything more.
Tom so desperately wants out it’s like he is begging Sandoval with his eyes, take me away to just be yours pllllease.
I agree and I want to just ask you this! Do you think Sandoval’s hair makes him look like a huge douche? I sure do! Ariana should just tell him! I couldn’t let my boyfriend in public looking like that!! I will give Sandoval credit he’s creative !
Sandoval hair is horrendous and dirty. Last season it was Jax always sniffing and now it looks like Sandoval has run with the baton (allegedly )
Oh God. She’s awful!
Stassi’s little brother is so damn cute, and a bright one. Too bad his older sister isn’t as kind and thoughtful. Katie is off her rocker, she is a nasty drunk and I am not sure how anyone can still be friends with her
I missed the part about Katie being a “mean drunk” – I did hear Scheana sob that late in the episode, but what happened that prompted that? Then at dinner that night with Katie and Schwartz, the subject came up again from him. Katie — when you keep hearing similar complaints from loved ones and friends saying you are a mean drunk, it’s time to pay attention. At least they care enough to give you feedback, and are still willing to be there for you but sounds like they are tired of it…I think it was Heather who said to Alexis at a RHOC reunion one year, “Take this as a moment to look inside yourself — if everyone keeps saying you’re dead, maybe it’s time to lie down.”
If Katie’s so tired of everyone telling her she’s a mean, horrible drunk, maybe she should consider stopping drinking. jesus.
At what point do you realize you’re hearing something continuously, because it’s true!
I have no idea if she has a drinking “problem”, per se, but she definitely is a nasty drunk.
I can’t even stomach the scenes with her and schwartz anymore. No mutual respect, no communication, no honesty, wtf marriage is this going to be? A joke.
Stassi needs to get over her hurt feelings. She’s such a vicious bitch to everyone when she wants to be, but now she’s some delicate flower when Ariana makes it known she doesn’t particularly care for her?
Did Stassi EVER feel bad after hurting other’s feelings? NO. The answer is NO! Vicious Bitch. Yeah, that about sums her up.
IMO she is a completely miserable bitch with zero power of self-reflection. She has been so cruel to so many people and now it’s “boo hoo Ariana doesn’t like me and I just want to be friends.” Cry me a fucking river and then maybe I’ll be satisfied. I can’t believe the same parents who raised her, also raised her brother. Something just doesn’t seem right…like I don’t even think they’re remotely related. I think it’s a fake family, lol. (I know it’s not.)
Maybe Stassi and her much younger brother don’t have the same parents, ie. maybe they have different fathers. In one of the earlier seasons Stassi was visiting with her father and I thought she looked much more like her father than her mother. She has his round face. I wondered at the time if Stassi’s meanness and insecurity was caused by growing up with a mother who was much more glamorous and attractive than she was (like Jennifer Anniston). It was also mentioned that her parents were divorced so maybe the brother is from a later marriage and they weren’t raised by the same two people? Stassi and her adorable brother don’t look much alike to me and they certainly don’t act alike.
Nikolai hosting the reunion with Andy Cohen. I want this to happen. “With Andy” so Andy could be schooled in the real questions to ask!
This show is like a bomb went off. They are all over the place trying to find a story line (beside Katie) that is going to stick. Or at least that is what it feels like. I cannot abide watching Katie one more second. I actually think I even have moments of liking Stassi better than her. She simply does not get at all that she is unreasonable, irrational, crazy town gone off the dock. And Schwartz? Really, that is a life long dream to be in drag? Seriously, just come out already. Who cares? I do believe he and Katie care for one another but they are both in serious denial about their relationship status. I don’t know, I am also worried about myself. I complain, but I am still here. What does that mean? LOL
Last night I was reminiscing about the early days of VPR when Katie barely got camera time. She seemed like such a nice girl. I couldn’t figure out why she was friends with Stassi & Kristen. Now She’s my least favorite Surver. Yes, I know that whoever gets the most camera time is going to annoy me the most (it’s just math) but geez… Every time I see her all I hear is Sandoval calling Schwartz an abused wife. It’s too fitting.
Sunday – I’m right there with you and I don’t know what it means but we’re OK. And we’re gonna get there. We’re gonna figure it all out. I know it for sure.
Lol right? Me too!!
My DVR refrused to tape this mess last night, so I’m grateful for the recap.
Does anyone wonder if perhaps Lisa didn’t get online ordained or anything and this is a fake marriage?
Just me? Okay nevermind.
I certainly hope it’s a fake marriage. You know how I always wanna make sense of things and that would make me feel a whole lot better about it all.
A million yes’s as I think this is more common than one would think on “reality” tv. Wonder if the Shays have a failed marriage license?
Sorry FILED marriage license
Thankfully Scheana waited and didn’t get pregnant, so no baby involved. Just hope Tom and Katie enjoy (lol) their marriage for a bit, before baby. Wonder when she’ll demand a baby. Know it won’t matter what Tom wants. 🙂
Okay, I’m finally watching this.
Katie is deplorable.
Pandora’s house is lovely and an appropriate gift from LVP. It’s not overly extravagant or large, it’s just a beautiful almost normal house.
You know LVP’s closet was stocked with TJ Maxx dresses for the boys to wear.
I don’t know why I kind of love this show.
I used to like katie, then again I actually quite watching a few months ago, so. But why has Katie turned into THE LUSH of the year?????
QUIT watching. Oh my goodness autocorrect.