Things are starting to get spicy on Vanderpump Rules! Sandoval called Jax out on his alleged Gay for Pay past and Brittany and her mom are having a homophobic meltdown. James cheated on his girlfriend with several of LVP’s employees. Lala leaving the show has left the mean girls in need a new target so they’ve made it their mission to take him down. And Ariana doesn’t give a f**k about Stassi Schroeder. We’re heading towards a cage match between Miss “Too Cool For School” and the Swedish Meatball and I, for one, couldn’t be happier.
Tom Sandoval and Ariana visit Villa Blanca to give them so camera time teach their bartender the Sur-tini and the Pump and Glory. They talk about James Kennedy. Sandoval is taking him to hypnotherapy with deal with his anger. Lisa isn’t impressed. She prefers the “loser James” storyline.
Across town, James has lunch with his mother. I wonder who’s paying for it? They both pretend like they’re not drinking. His mother is very concerned that he’s not working for Lisa Vanderpump anymore. She can’t say it on camera but her fear is he’ll lose his job on the show. #Momager. He tries to make his new “residency” sound legit. He’s even going to do a live performance where he raps. It’s going to be such a train wreck. I can’t wait! His mother loves his new girlfriend, Raquel. When he tells her that Kristen is spreading truths rumors that he cheated, his mom says Kristen’s karma will be she won’t be able to have kids. “She’s probably barren.” Mother of the year.
Brittany’s mom is packing to go home. Ugh. Send her packing already! But before she goes she needs to talk to Jax about “being a homosexual.” Like I said, ugh. Jax gets defensive. He’s had to deny these truths rumors too many times and he’s over it. Brittany accuses him of being rude to her mother. He gets frustrated and storms out of the house. The Kentuckians wonder if it’s something they said. This turns into a huge fight between Jax and Brittany. Jax blames it on the other girls rubbing off on her. You know, feminism and stuff. Brittany’s mom recommends they go to church. He agrees just to shut her up.
Lisa, Katie and Peter pretend to paint the VIP room. Katie complains about Scheana. Lisa cautions her to oversee her bridesmaids more. This group needs it.
Tom Schwartz takes Sandoval, Ariana and Jax to get fitted for tuxes. Sandoval almost loses his mind when he finds out he can’t dress as nice as Schwartz. He starts to cry when he’s told he can’t wear a vest. Sigh.
The bridesmaids get together to plan the bachelorette party. Scheana hands Kristen a huge stack of cash in front of everyone. Drama queen. Stassi wants the party in New Orleans. No matter what anyone else says, it’s going to be in New Orleans. Scheana complains that it’s going to be all about Stassi since it’s her stomping grounds. Uh, duh. That’s why it’s happening there.
Katie takes Lisa to the flower shop so she can “curate” the wedding. They discuss how much she and Schwartz fight. Lisa is horrified. They’re going to have enough troubles from outside the relationship. They need to be a united front. Katie agrees but she doesn’t really understand what Lisa is telling her.
Tom Sandoval brings a hypnotherapist to James’ penthouse apartment sleeping in some weird guys living room. He wants help proving to his audiences that he’s more than just a good looking British guy with great hair. Ugh.
Scheana watches Ariana ride a horse and my dog tries to attack it through the TV. Sandoval shows up to tell them that James really learned how to control his emotions through hypnotherapy. Scheana scoffs that some people use magic to better themselves while others just stop being assholes. Which are you, Scheana? Which are you? Sandoval mentions that Katie and Schwartz are at the lawyers signing their pre-nup. Scheana gets on her high horse. She doesn’t believe in pre-nups. “I married someone I trust.” Hmm, hope that worked out for you, sweetie.
At the lawyer’s office, Katie complains about the cost of the pre-nup. Now Tom can no longer complain about the wedding costs. The lawyer asks about their assets. They don’t have any. At least on film (we still think Schwartz has a trust fund). The lawyer actually laughs at them. At least they worked out custody of the dogs.
Scheana and Ellie (one of the girls James cheated with) work out a plan to ambush James and his girlfriend at his next show. Scheana literally cackles like a witch. Maybe someday she’ll decide to just stop being an asshole. At dinner Brittany tells Jax about the plan. He’s fully on board. She reminds him he’s still on probation. Foreshadowing.
The Toms (and Ariana and Katie) have a double date to drink and paint. Stassi decides to be the fifth wheel. Schwartz wants Stassi and Ariana to work things out but Ariana has no interest in coddling Stassi. Stassi plays the injured party. Katie accuses Ariana of not caring about her friends. Ariana points out that she does care about her friends but Stassi isn’t one of them. Katie and Stassi are gobsmacked. They’ve never met someone who didn’t want to be a part of their clique. Katie declares that this issue isn’t coming to New Orleans with them. Schwartz blurts out that Ariana is going to be hanging with the guys anyway which just angers Katie more. Nothing is resolved. Nothing is ever resolved.
Most of the cast shows up to James’ show. Sandoval is confused why Jax, Scheana and Kristen are there. Jax admits he has an interior motive (sic). What an idiot! James raps. It’s… interesting. Then Ellie and GG arrive. They head straight for Raquel. Raquel accuses GG of being obsessed with James. GG responds with, “Isn’t it, like, a quality of, like, a Miss California to be, like, feminism?” Well, isn’t it? Finally James leaves the stage and confronts his side pieces. GG hands James a bag with the clothes he lent her after she spent the night with him. James claims she not good looking enough for him to sleep with her and tells her to get her dumpy ass out of his face. GG slaps him.
Kristen calls Jax over to make sure he can see what’s going down. James rushes over to them and calls Kristen ugly. Carter calls him DJ Dipshit. But Jax always has to take things one step too far. He throws his drink on James and then lunges. Things get chaotic and Kristen gets James kicked out of the bar. When Sandoval checks on him, James gets in his face about being friends with them. I guess he thinks Tom brought them to the show. James’ mom pulls him away and Sandoval confronts Jax and Kristen. Kristen gets in Sandoval’s face for defending James. Yes folks, crazy Kristen is making a comeback! Jax tries to play innocent. I don’t know why he went crazy. What did I do? Once again, nothing gets resolved (other than James possibly getting fired).
Next week: Lisa Vanderpump lets the boys play dress up in her closet. James’ girlfriend questions his fidelity. The mean girls tag team Scheana (again). Katie throws a fit about about Ariana being in the wedding.
I feel like this episode was all wrong. I’m starting to feel Scheana is likable at times, I didn’t think James’s rapping was too bad and I thought Tom S. was a good friend for standing up for James. Everything was Ass backwards.
And I saw Jax throw the drink like you saw, but it looked like someone threw a bottle back hard about 1″ from his face. HMm maybe we know how Jax broke his nose so many times.
Oh and I love Ariana. Who cares she is always a Debbie downer. She is cutting Stasie down so easily it kills Stasie and I live for it.
Yesss Ariana, get that stank bitch Stassi off her high horse!
What’s up with Bravo using the overly-fake sound effects in their shows lately? The glass breaking sound when Jax dropped his glass was added too late. Noticed it on RHOA too with all the fake cheering/applause and the fake punch sound… Nitpicking, I know.
So happy that damn pink frost lipstick is headed home. I could not take that shit for another week
So I’m not the only one that grated on? It is totally the wrong shade for her!
That was so bad. She’s not an unattractive woman, she just needed to ditch the 80’s big hair, giant earrings and frosted lipstick lol
Great writing. As one of those that doesn’t watch this show, think I’m to old and no longer have the patience. I did catch the part where Jax storms out.
Caught the last part of Brittany and her Moms questions. Rude woman, who asks her daughters boyfriend about his sexual past? I was surprised Jax didn’t say it wasn’t any of her business what he did in bed. She seemed to be more interested than she should be. Such a brief encounter I could not stand the woman.
Probably someone who had to sit through 2-3 hours of a roast discussing that very topic lol
I don’t think it was rude of her to ask, in normal circumstances it would be, but after you just attended a roast where all sorts of compromising statements were made, I might have a few questions myself. I’m not sure it’s out of bounds for her to wonder if her daughter’s bf is gay or maybe bisexual based on what she heard.
I think the huge mistake here was, Brittany’s mom never should’ve been invited to that. If you don’t want your gf’s mom to have all sorts of questions or concerns about your shady past, best not to subject her to it.
Her mom should have never been at that roast. Completely inappropriate of her.
If her mom hadn’t been there then there wouldn’t have been a recap, nor a story line for jax! He’s irrelevant! Adds nothing
Ah Shae thanks. I did not know what preceded my brief peek of the show.
Having adult sons we often exchanged as quick comments, not as a in depth conversation, our sexual adventures.
Now they have permanent partners no comments are allowed. I understand but miss our easiness.
You’re probably better off having missed it, it was cringeworthy lol
I am so glad that you watch this and write about it. I just can’t watch these people. Are you sure Banjo was barking at the horse?
Banjo doesn’t pay the TV any attention. The Lady Cocotte writes the Pump Rules recaps.
My dog Max loooves animals, except when he sees them on TV. He barks & attacks the TV. One of these days he’s going to break the damn thing. It drives me crazy. Banjo will rip your face off if you go near TT but he has better manners than that.
Yeah, I know a dog who goes nuts when he sees animals on television. It really can be aggravating, but I love him bunches. Growing up, we had a dog that I swear used to watch TV – like stopped watching when commercials came on and would watch again when the show came on. It was the strangest thing.
Well that’s just good sense! I hate commercials 😉
I literally could barely contain myself as I watched Jax’s behavior toward Brittany’s mom. Piece of shit would be thrown out of his own apartment for talking to my mother that way. How he interpreted her asking him if he was gay, or why his friends keep saying he kisses men, as an attack, was so childish. I get he’s uncomfortable about it, but you don’t get to lash out at your gf’s mom and behave like a classless animal. And then all the bs about how much he does for her again and how she needs to be “reminded” of how good she has it, maybe he does too much, etc. He straight up sounds like an abuser. It make sme sick how fixated he is on making sure Brittany grovels in appreciation for his financial support. There’s no amount of money that would make having to listen to his endless martyrdom about providing support worth it for me. And then the nonsense about her changing and becoming this way because of the girls? I think she just is realizing what a POS he is and he doesn’t like it.
I like Brittany, but I don’t have respect for her at all for tolerating and staying with a man who mistreats her mother, nevermind her.
Totally agree, jax is an insecure abuser!
I can’t get past James Kennedy’s mother ‘s bad weave she bought off a late night infomercial. I know because I bought the same one.
Brittany has said she never watched the show but her mother did. I feel this was staged maybe to keep them in the front so we watch their spinoff
Loved your links this week, Lady C. I immediately thought of James mother using Kristen’s credit card. when I saw her at lunch with James. And then again when James asks for his Gucci jacket.
http://tamaratattles.com/2016/03/29/james-kennedys-mother-allegedly-stole-kristen-doutes-credit-card-tons-more-pumprules-tea/
Every time I see James and his mom out somewhere I think about Kristen’s credit card. What a piece of work, that woman is…she’s the only reason I feel bad for James.
It’s funny to me that Brittany’s mom has no problem with him being a thief, etc. Seems to me she sees Jax as a ticket for her daughter to be on a TV show. I did have to laugh at Katie painting her wall, leaving a four inch border around the gold frame nobody took down.
Kristen is an asshole! When she was fired I thought she was gone! Who with any self respect, sets up a confrontation. I’ve always disliked James, because he always has an excuse, t ball kiddo, but seeing Kristen set up then Jax, pretending, he’s a he man, throw my drink crap,well you made me take James side! And that pisses me off!
I love Kristen..I feel people just like to hate on her.Sheana set this up.
My favorite part of that show was the lawyer who looked like someone who was an extra for central casting. He showed up to play a homeless person but was scooped up to play a prenup lawyer? What law firm was this? Phaedra Parks firm? No way they charged $2500 for that. Custody of a dog? He flat out laughed at them. Was that in the script?
Can’t take Katie and the three headed monster.