Sorry for the delay getting you this Ladies of London recap. I’ve been under the weather and my throbbing head couldn’t handle Caroline Stanbury. She’s the kind of woman that requires full faculties, even via a television screen. But I’m feeling better and finally ready to hit Scotland with the ladies. Bring on the tartan and haggis! Hell, throw in some bagpipes for good measure. I’m dying to see who wins the top spot on La Stanbury’s hit list this week.
Sophie visits Julie on her way home from Royal Ascot in her LBD and amazing hat. Unfortunately, this scene isn’t about fun and fashion. It’s about Caroline Stanbury (of course). Julie is losing her mind. Caroline spilled the beans that the Scotland trip is Caroline’s chance to teach Julie how to be a good hostess. Gasp! Sophie tries to slow the train. Only the day before she promised Caroline she wouldn’t talk about her behind her back. Julie agrees to respect Sophie’s wishes and in the next breath immediately starts ranting about Caroline again. But she has just cause. This is about Mapperton! And respect! And Mapperton! Sophie begs her to talk to Caroline about it. Julie stops sobbing long enough to pour more wine.
After packing and flying montages, the ladies (and Caroline Stanbury’s paid friend Luke) arrive in Scotland. It’s gorgeous (of course). Marissa asks their driver if there’s a particular drink associated with Scotland and they laugh at her (it’s Scotch, in case you were equally slow on the uptake). Caroline Stanbury acts shocked that Marissa is running away to the United States after starting the rumor about her fleeing the country. She tries to make it into a thing but only Juliet is interested in playing (ugh).
At the castle, Caroline Stanbury makes a big deal about people not be required to attend breakfast, although dinner and lunch are mandatory. Caroline Fleming knows she’s taking at a jab at her since La Stanbury got in trouble for missing breakfast in Denmark. Yawn. I’m a little over tit for tat. You’d think Caroline Stanbury could do better than that but here we are.
The ladies see their rooms and there’s lots of oohing and aahing. Marissa gets the best room. As she’s unpacking, Caroline Stanbury demands she switch rooms. She claims it’s because she needs to be next to Luke but that’s a total lie. It’s about having the best room. Marissa sees through her and let’s us know there’s a hierarchy attached to the rooms. Juliet gets second best as reward for being “best chief minion.” Once that’s taken care of, Caroline Stanbury brings up The Rumors. Marissa denies starting the rumors but La Stanbury can’t hear her over the sound of her own voice. In an expert power move, Caroline magnanimously forgives her. Except she immediately runs right to Juliet and continues complaining. Marissa catches them and it starts all over again. Marissa is confused why they’re still talking about it. So am I.
Julie visits Marissa’s room under the guise of caring for her friend but it’s just to complain about Caroline Stanbury. Sophie won’t listen anymore so she needs a new ear. The thing is, Marissa could care less. Not about Julie but about anything that has to do with Caroline. I’m there with you, Marissa.
It’s casual night so Caroline Fleming is dressed in a silver paillette turtleneck. It’s the highlight of the episode.
At dinner, Caroline Stanbury seats Julie next to her because that’s what Julie did at Mapperton. Yawn. Then she makes an incredibly long toast and everyone stares at their wine longingly. They get pissed and talk about sex. Adela talks about her addiction issues. “You drink to drown your sorrows but then they learn to swim.” She brings up her suicide attempt and Juliet asks, “But is that not selfish?” The whole table tries to rein in her in but she just won’t stop talking. Adela eventually flees the table. God, I hate this woman.
The ride back to the castle is a drunken mess. It’s a nice break.
The next morning, breakfast is sausages or Kedgeree (boiled fish and rice). Caroline Fleming is aghast. She just wants some eggs, for crap’s sake. Caroline Stanbury jabs at Marissa, who is already having a rough morning missing her baby. When Marissa confronts her they start on about The Rumors again. Juliet can’t help but jump in (#1 minion) and attack Marissa. Adela swoops in and escorts a crying Marissa away from the table as world war three breaks out between Sophie and Juliet. You know, standard breakfast fare.
Next week: The ladies go quadding, do archery and get naked wasted. The men arrive, bringing kilts and fireworks to the party. Marissa begs Juliet to go easy on her. Caroline Stanbury blames Julie for ruining her relationship with Sophie (again). Sophie cries about her divorce.