Do you even snort meth? I dunno. My party drugging days are long gone, but last time we had a game night Brandi was on crutches and Kim was spending A LOT of time in the bathroom. If I had a couple lines of coke, I would totally do them right now. I’ve been sort of stuck in the hole lately and I could use some happy. Maybe this episode will deliver. Or I’ll just churn out a sad, boring recap. I am going to be late because I’m watching The Wall on NBC. Sorry. I love these random game shows.
I love that we are starting with Kyle. I love her. I even sweet talked her into retweeting my Celebrity Apprentice recap last night! I don’t often tweet celebs and ask that others do not include me in their tweets, but Kyle and I have had some pleasant conversations about books and such and she really is the kindest housewife I’ve ever interacted with.
And Kim is there. So I am going to try to be kind. Kim is about to be a grandma. She looks great. I’m not sure who I saw today in the black and white dress Kyle is considering, maybe it was Kyle, but I just saw that dress. Kim is thrilled to be a grandma. I love that Kim is serious about her sobriety. I hope for the best for her.
Eden meets Rinna in a restaurant and comments on the lighting, as someone who used to have my photo taken a lot and now will destroy your phone if you try, I never really understood lighting until I moved into the ghetto. My house was built in the 1950s and still has its old fugly porcelain over cast iron tub that is a bitch to clean. Most of the tiny room is tiled in something similar to Tiffany blue tile. I have fugly vanity lighting above my crappy sink. I am stunningly beautiful in that bathroom. Perhaps it is because of my ruddy complexion, but in my bathroom, I am lovely. It’s the best thing about this house. I may end up tiling my next bathroom in Tiffany blue despite how horrid it looks because it really does give me a pick me up. As long as I don’t look at the TV cameras at all the places that have them these days. #Harsh lighting.
Eden extends a tattooed arm to give Rinna a crystal and they connect on some sort of crystal level or something. Rinna basically says “the spirit in me sees the crystal in you.” Rinna orders iced tea because Eden is in recovery from alcohol. The conversation is very deep. I am not in the mood for deep. I’ve been deep for weeks, months maybe. I just want to be shallow. Can we just be shallow?
We get to see all the sets for Erika’s XXpensive video shoot. I may be in the minority but I want to see Tom Girardi. I love lawyers, and I love him. I’d marry him tomorrow. I also think Erika’s video should have three Xs.
Holy shit! are we really going to start game night at the 18 minute mark? This is going to be fabulous! Kyle bar in her house is stunning and she has two bartenders. I’ll pass on the sushi bar. I don’t eat bait.
Erika arrives first and Kyle prays it is not Rinna because it is just her and Kim. Camille arrives with a $150 white orchid. And that is in Atlanta. God knows how much it is in Beverly Hills. Don’t ask me how I know this. I’m a flower child. I came close to owning a florist. Still might happen once I settle somewhere. Eden comes in and Kyle offers her a drink and immediately regrets it. Eden only drinks water. As we all should aspire to do. Eden an Kim have a really solid hug. Eden’s sister died of alcoholism after working with Kim on a movie. Ignore the horrid structure of that last sentence please, it was not intentional and I am trying to be quick because a lot is about to happen.
LVP and Dorit arrive together. Quelle surprise! LVP asks if she Erika is she is wearing panties, straight away. We are never going to move past this. LVP makes a horrible lip color choice for her confessionals. I love a red lip but that is not the shade for her. Some have hostess gifts others don’t. Eileen should have, the others who didn’t are dense. Eileen and Rinna had the last call time.
Kyles floral arrangements are EXQUISITE.
Rinna is very nice to Kim and asks about her grandchild. Rinna had no idea she was there. They are conveniently seated across from each other. Rinna eventually rolls her eyes at Kim and this pisses Kim off.
It’s game time. I don’t think I will explain all this, but the women are divided into two teams at first. I think this photo explains it all.
Dorit is an idiot
And just like that the game part is over. I can’t explain what I just watched, but it was fun.
Now to the boxing ring.
Dorit wants to go Meredith Baxter Birney for Eden.
Eileen and Kyle invite Dorit and Erika to explain her constant discussion about Erika and #PantyGate Dorit tries to backpedal and rope Kyle into things. Dorit tries to go after Eileen.
I am now bored. Let’s get to Rinna and Kim.
LVP just sits there watching her minion lose. No assistance given. Even Kim says, “I don’t get why someone not wearing panties is a big deal.”
Then suddenly the editing takes us to Kim and Rinna. Rinna says, “Let’s talk about your arrests? Why don’t we do that?
Everyone seems to think that was a low blow. But Kim goes on and on about Kim. Eden points out that as a sober woman she needs to not be so angry. Rinna apologizes to Kim.
Next Week: We go to Mykonos.
Sorry this sort of sucked. It’s all I got in me today.