Tonight we get a two hour premiere of Summer House masquerading as an episode of Vanderpump Rules. Seriously, Bravo? Not only are you foisting this annoying show upon us but you’re besmirching the most important event of the year (ie: Stassi’s birthday) with your manipulations. Sigh. Who am I kidding? I’d most likely watch Summer House even if it wasn’t combined with my favorite show. But that doesn’t mean I have to be happy about it.
Last week we began the dueling birthdays with the mean girls (plus Scheana) in Montauk and the rest of the cast (minus an AWOL Lala) at Nascar. Hopefully tonight we can put this storyline to rest and get back to our regularly televised ridiculousness.
Stassi is bemoaning her single status. Katie tries to give her dating guidance by repeatedly reminding her to not be creepy. Always sound advice. We get a silly segment of the West Coast girls not understanding anything East Coast. And then Scheana starts whining. The mean girls don’t take it well. “Be you, just like a little less of it though.” More sound advice.
In Sonoma, the RV smells terrible. Too many farts in too small a space. Jax uses up all the hot water and yells at Brittany about it. I’d feel bad for her but she chooses this life for the perks, dubious as they are, so she can sleep in her fart filled bed for all I care.
Team Ariana hits the racetrack. They meet a famous driver and Tom Sandoval asks him to sign his flat iron. It’s a first for the driver. Tom Schwartz asks if anyone would be willing to show their boobs, you know, if need be. Jax covers Brittany’s mouth. He gets to make that decision for her. He bought the boobs, after all. Ariana is disgusted. She tells Brittany she’ll find her a new boyfriend. Brittany looks terrified. Too many words are swirling around. She doesn’t know who to nervously laugh at.
The Summer House crew invites Team Stassi to a clam bake. Scheana immediately refuses the lobster. According to the braintrust, you should never eat anything with claws. “I mean, are you going to eat a cat?” Stassi is not amused.
One of the Summer House boys flirts with Stassi but she’s still too wrapped up with her ex to be interested. Katie thinks she needs to sack up and move on. She gives Stassi the great advice to go for the douchiest boy at the party. Way to go, Katie. You’re quite a wing woman.
At dinner everyone gets on Jax for being an asshole to Brittany. He once again brings up that since he’s paying Brittany’s way, she should make him a sandwich or do his laundry from time to time. Brittany actually gets mad, not at what he’s saying but that he’s saying it in front of everyone. Jax gets pissed that she’s pissed. He thinks she changing being around all of these self-actualized LA women and he’s not happy about it. Before anyone can storm away from the table, talk turns to Lala. Not only did she flake on the birthday trip, she unfollowed Ariana on social media. So Ariana unfollows her. This is getting serious, folks.
Lala shows up at Sur to talk to Lisa. Lisa is annoyed that Lala asked for time off specifically to go on the trip and then didn’t go. Or so the storyline goes. Lala explains that she never wanted to go because she didn’t want to spend time with Jax. And then she breaks down about all the rumors about her. And then she quits. Lisa tells her to grow up and deal with it instead of cutting and running. Lala backtracks. “So I’m not quitting today, Lisa.” That’s sounds promising.
Ariana tries to teach Brittany feminism. Brittany asks what misogynistic means. “He gives me massages?”
Team Stassi heads to the Summer House. The Douchelord practices Stassi’s name but can’t seem to get it right. That’s not going to go over very well. The girls are gobsmacked at the house. They compare it to Lisa Vanderpump’s house but that’s a bit of an overstatement. They all get into the pool and drink. Everyone is trying to push Stassi on the Douchelord but his game is pretty pathetic. Katie offers some more brilliant advice: Stassi should channe Lala. “I mean, this guy probably has some money. You never know.” You never know indeed.
Jax and Brittany have a heart to heart in the RV. She complains about his shitty attitude and he shrugs it off. “It happens. It’s just part of life.” She expresses that she doesn’t feel appreciated and he counters that he doesn’t always feel appreciated either. “Sometimes I ask for a turkey sandwich and I get ham.” Brittany tries to share her feelings and he shuts her down, again and again. And he won’t stop talking about sandwiches. Eventually, too worn down to fight anymore, Brittany gives in. #TrueLove.
Alone in the hottub, the Douchelord messes up Stassi’s name. He claims it’s a pick up line. Then he tells her she looks like Steve Jobs. Stassi is over it. She tells him everything he’s done wrong and flounces away. The Douchelord is sleeping alone tonight.
And now we segue into the Summer House episode. It’s Monday so everyone has to head back to the city. “Unlike those LA chicks, we have real jobs.” Carl is the new guy. Lauren, the single twin, likes him. Her married sister Ashley worries that he’s a player. Kyle is the Douchelord. Lindsey and Everett have been a part of the group forever but are only newly dating. They’re already talking about getting married. Everyone is annoyed. Especially Steven, the token gay. He joined the house when Lindsey was single and now he’s stuck hanging out with “the Malibu Barbie Twins and their drunk cousin Carl.” The last to arrive is Christina. She gets no description. They all suck.
It’s July fourth weekend, the best time to be in Montauk. Except it’s raining. They set social goals. Lauren says she wants to do new things. “Anal,” Everett interprets. Ashley’s goal is to find her sister a man. Carl wants to be Kyle’s wingman. Kyle doesn’t want to be bro-menting into his forties. Whatever that means. I don’t speak douche. Steven points out only first and second graders have summer goals. I think I might actually like him.
Some people go to bed and some go out to the bars. When the bars close at four AM, the drinkers return and wake up the sleepers. A fight ensues. Then Kyle and his ex go skinny dipping. Loudly. They only broke up because he knew he was coming to Montauk and “you don’t want to be cuffed in the summer.” Even so, they have loud sex and wake the twins up. Yeah, yeah. I know how this goes. I watched Jersey Shore back in the day.
Lindsey and Christina are roommates in the city. They’re already annoyed with each other. They join Ashley (the married twin) for a Kyle by Alene Too promo. Lindsey and Christina decide it’s the perfect place to have it out. Lindsey talks about her boyfriend all the time. Christina is jealous. Blah, blah, blah.
The straight guys go out to brunch and talk about who slept where (and with who). Carl slept “out.” He knows the dangers of bringing a girl back to a share house, especially when you’re flirting with a roommate. Kyle knows his ex wants a relationship so he should stop sleeping with her. But he probably won’t (until he gets a better offer). They give Everett a hard time about getting serious with Lindsey so quickly. He considers their whole two year friendship foreplay. Carl, the player, ditches the boys to join a table of fawning women.
The house gets together for a night of tacos, tequila and fireworks. Then they’re off to the bars. Carl and the single twin flirt. The married twin is worried. And she should be. They kiss at the club and end the night in bed together. Ugh. So that’s it, kiddos. I don’t know if Summer House is worth it. And we didn’t even get a Vanderpump Rules preview for next week. Thanks a lot, Andy Cohen.
Okay, I admit I love the intro to this show but what is up with LVP’s hair? Is she wearing a bump-it? I guess it’s actually the song in the intro that I like. I’m only at the 02:32 mark and I’m annoyed that Katie said, “That was anti-climatic”. It’s late and I have no tolerance for this show tonight so thank you for the recap, Lady C. I’ll try again tomorrow lol.
What’s the name of the song on Summer House!?!?! Anyone…
I must add it to my playlist!! ???
Did you ever find out? I want to know this, too!
Ugh, no… Shazam was a fail and Google has nothing on it either 🙁 if you find out lmk!!!
Sometimes i ask for a turkey sandwich and I get ham….lmao epic…..That really made me laugh.
Clemson, WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS, bitches!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Tigers forever,
congrats, Julie!
I didn’t watch but I was happy!
Only a dumb bunny like Brit can hang with a bf like Jax. And au contraire, Jax. Brit’s looking more cornfed than LA these days. ?
Wow really? She is a normal sized person. And she is one of the only cast members NOT ON ADDERALL!
That’s why she’s not LA!
I won’t be watching this one. I can’t take the douchebag boys (yes boys, not men) and the twins. *sigh* YAY more twins said no one.
If this were genuinely real life – Lisa would be leaving herself open for a sexual harassment lawsuit. Even if Lala is sucking so much dick that she could suck the chrome off a trailer hitch of that Range Rover, her co-workers should NOT BE TALKING ABOUT IT AND TORMENTING HER WITH IT.
Now that she has been notified (and it has been caught on camera, on a show she produces)… it can be proven.
I’m hating this storyline because it isn’t true to life, and a lot of people fought hard so that that kind of shit is illegal.
Yeah but she dishes it right back…..LaLa has had her say plenty of times.
LVP has lost sexual harrassment suits in the past.
http://tamaratattles.com/?s=Bustillos
LVP has lost sexual harrassment suits in the past.
http://tamaratattles.com/?s=Bustillos
I was so looking forward to two hours of Vabderpump Rules and was disappointed the second hour was Summer House. Don’t know if I can get into it. The guys seem pretty lame, especially the blonde one. The women seem very boring too.
I thought the same thing. The “beginning” was them totes for reals “sleeping in”? Overdone…Boring. They all seemed a bit desperate and weird in front of the cameras too.
Awesome recap!
Ugh, Jax. Kentucky is so sweet. I wonder if she’ll stick around?
Very interesting to see the West Coast Girls vs. The East Coast Crew. The level of maturity is low across the board, but the VPR girls were really out of their comfort zone. I mean, have they ever been to a dinner before where they had to use manners? I cringed when they were drinking out of the bottles at the end. That behaviour is cool is LA, but not in a Montauk mansion.
Bummed we didn’t get a preview for next week!
P.S. Can you imagine Saucssie as a regular cast member on Summer House?
I am absolutely not going to watch Summer House. I really enjoyed Jersey Shore. This looks like an upper crust knock off. No thanks, I’ll read the recaps here.
Just the thought of what that trailer smelled like made me gag and turn the channel.
Thanks for the re-cap Lady C. Now I know what happened on the second hour of the most boring VanderpumpRules ever! Stassi-Boring.. Katie-Annoying… Kristen- was she even there?…. Scheana- Awwwww.. Bless her, She’s really trying to win back the viewers..lol and I don’t want Lala or James to go! Tom’s hair and his flat-iron was his story line this week..#Sigh. Jax hid from twitter last night and for good reason while Brittany tweeted that she would make him a sandwich…Bless her big Kentucky naive heart…lol. Jax better hope there is a bigger jackass idiot asshole boyfriend on SummerHouse to take off some of the heat he will surely go through this season. As for SummerHouse ( in the middle of a very cold, with lots and lots of snow winter)..No No No!, I’m not going to sit through another reality show with 30+year old frat boys and the women they want to [email protected] again!…unless I get hooked…lol but I will be back for Lady C’s excellent re-caps!
Jax is beyond gross…it’s like the more we learn about him, the more revolting he becomes and truly causes me to wonder about Brittany. As far as the Summer House show goes, I won’t be watching it.
Summer House was BORRRRRRing. All of those people were insufferable. Although I just could not stop laughing at the blonde guy Kyle teasing Stassi about her swimsuit looking like a turtleneck and reminding him of Steve Jobs. She looked like she wanted to shit a brick LOL.
I apologize in advance to anyone who made a different decision, but I get the feeling that these women/men children are ones who voted for Trump…I partially take that back, they probably didn’t even vote.
I hated the show Summer House, especially the comment about Alabama people. Oh yes,
of course as you can tell. I’m a Alabama native, and I’m extremely proud. I do have to say that, we celebrate the 4th of July on the correct date. DON’T WATCH! IT REALLY SUCKS!
I LOVED this episode of #PumpRules I watched this morning as I have weird sleeping habits at the moment. I WAS THRILLED to have a two hour episode. I wasn’t hating anyone even Stassi.
And then the shit show started after an hour. I didn’t even watch and Bravo should not be able to do that legally.
How incredibly rude to attend a clam bake and refuse to eat any of the food, and to speak disparagingly about it. I cannot with Scheana, not eating anything with claws??
What is it with Jax and sandwiches? Did he find and decide to support a gf simply so he would never have to make another one himself again? If he chooses to foot most of the bills in the house, that’s on him, she doesn’t need to grovel all the time in appreciation. That girl does PLENTY for him, not the least, putting up with his bs and lies. That’s not enough to show her appreciation for his financial support? Sorry, but I would never want or need support that badly to be beholden to a man like that. I can buy my own shit, thank you very much, and I’m sure Brittany could too.
Do they not have charcuterie in Kentucky? She was a waitress and never heard of it before? or of the word “misogyny”? Did she go to college, I wonder?
I’m hoping that she really isn’t THAT stupid and that she was told to behave that way. These “girls” are in their 30’s and they’ve never heard of a clam bake? They acted like toddlers.
Does Sheana eat chicken? If she does it’s a clause in her dietary restrictions because those things at the end of their toes are claws.
So are those things at the end of her fingers, where I assume she finds food to eat..lol
Was that lobster from New England that Kristen refused to eat? That is not the kind of crazy I appreciate.
I believe they were Maine lobster. Girl is out of her mind lol
The depth of the shallowness of a bunch of oxymorons.