It’s time for the two hour premiere of The New Celebrity Apprentice. This year we have two housewives Porsha and Kyle. Guess who I hope wins?
Porsha tells us upon her arrival that while most people know her for RHOA she is also a business woman. I often wonder if these women who simply lend their name as a spokesperson actually believe they are business woman. Jon Lovitz arrives with his dog. This should be fun. I love Carson Kressley.
The teams are divided by gender. The women name their team Prima. The men select Arete. The client this week is Tyra Banks. The teams need to do a ten minute live presentation on her new beauty line. If they gave any sort of clear guidelines, we didn’t see them.
The other women throw Porsha to the wolves encouraging her to be the project manager because “she’s a model” and has “developed her line.” Oh silly rabbits. This will not go well. When Tyra comes to chat with the girls, most take lots of notes, but no one tests the product. The ladies decide to have the four models they are provided do their own makeup to show how it can be done in five minutes. Carrie, who is a YouTube star and seems to be fairly intelligent admits she doesn’t know what the presentation is so she is not sure how to help. I don’t think it is just you Carrie. I’ve yet to get an idea of how they plan to fill ten minutes. That is a LOT of time. Carrie volunteers to be Porsha’s assistant and do whatever she needs. Porsha loves this plan.
At the presentation the models apply their own makeup and get themselves together in under five minutes. The rest of the presentation was rough and unrehearsed. They had one line they were all supposed to say together at the end, but everyone said something different and it was unintelligible. Carnie Wilson grabs the mike and sings out loud and strong, “Fresh and Fierce” and the girls all start chanting it. The guys definitely have a shot.
Carson tries to push Boy George into the project manager spot. Boy George finally relents and accepts the position. When Tyra drops in on the guys, Carson asks her to use the makeup on him. Smart. They guys consider having the football players and sports guys give makeovers to women. They sports guys are not wild about this idea. But soon, the sports guys and Jon Lovitz and Vince from Motley Crue are all practicing their makeover techniques on the models. The theory is to show ease of use and that even guys who have never touched makeup can do it. It’s risky. It will either be great or a spectacular failure.
The guys presentation is great. Matt the footballer was amazing. He came. He saw. He contoured. Then the other guys went and they were all fantastic. Each dude demonstrated one product. They all knew a lot about their product and rattled off all the selling points seamlessly which being engaging and humorous in their presentation. The model looked great. They win. Their slogan was “May the Fierce Be With You!”
Arnold tells Jon Lovitz not to call him Arnold. He is to be called Governor in the boardroom. Arnold and Jon are good friends. The men talk about each other with great enthusiasm pointing out everyone’s individual talents.
Porsha says she is happy with her team because they laughed and danced and it was fun.
Tyra picks the men because they talked about the unique properties of the products and it was more than just a makeover. Boy George wins $50K for his charity that helps children.
Arnold tries to get Snooki/Nicole to tell him who should be fired. She won’t say. He asks Porsha she starts to cry and she won’t answer. Then he goes to Carrie and asks since she was Porsha’s assistant should she go home. She says no, but I think that is what he is thinking. I don’t think they will send a housewife home first. Carrie says the project manager should go home. Porsha says that is being simple minded. Patrick (Arnold’s nephew and his advisor this season) explains to Porsha that the project manager is always a candidate for firing, because it was their project to manage. Porsha realizes now that things look grim so she throws Nicole and Carrie under the bus. Arnold turns to Patrick and says German that Porsha never stops talking.
Arnold makes Porsha choose who between Nicole and Carrie. Porsha says that Nicole should go. Nicole says that’s bullshit and that Porsha just called her, “her sister” right before coming in. Arnold is clearly going to fire Carrie. Yep. Carrie was “terminated.” Nicole points out that Porsha threw her under the bus. Porsha says it was an accident.
Write a jingle and create a video to promote Trident chewing gum and the “Cherish Your Teeth” campaign. They should also incorporate many types of smiles.
They have to choose project managers right then. The girls thrust it on to Carnie. The guys choose Jon Lovitz.
Kyle has a concept that uses Laila Ali and her knockout smile to knock someone out. Lisa, who is a basketball player I think, wisely points out that it is a great concept but it doesn’t meet the criteria of showing many smiles. Carnie writes the jingle.
Lisa films the footage and she doesn’t film it horizontally, so it all has to be reshot. She is in trouble if they lose. Porsha keeps trying to take over things. Carnie seems afraid to go up against Porsha. This concept still doesn’t meet the criteria that they given, which was many types of smiles and cherishing your teeth. Kyle came up with the concept so she could be in trouble. Other than coming up with the idea, Kyle kind of stepped back and stayed out of the line of fire.
Jon honestly thinks a rotten teeth campaign would be great. Carson manages to talk him out of it. They are going to focus on life’s little moments that make us smile. Boy George and Vince are writing the song together. Vince is drinking wine. Boy George is furious. He says it’s not a good look for him to be around alcohol since he is in recovery. Wow. That would really limit the number of places you can go, George.
Boy George and Vince bicker. Boy George is still acting like the project manager.
I think Arete is going to win again. Just because they showed lots of smiles. I didn’t like either song. It should have been a catchy jingle.
The basketball player, Lisa raises her hand when Arnold asks if there was anyone who did not like the concept that Prima chose. This pisses off Snooki and some of the other girls. Why? She told you from dot one that it didn’t meet the criteria of the challenge. It may be a great idea but it did not follow the directions. I thought they might have had the women each flash a knockout smile at Laila. But that didn’t happen.
Arnold didn’t like the guy eating chicken wings with sauce all over his face smiling. Neither did I. Boy George rats out Vince for having wine in the studio. Vince shoots back with “don’t put your sobriety on everyone else. ” At this point neither team knows is they have won or lost but there is plenty of blame being thrown around on both sides.
The men win. Jon’s charity, St. Jude, wins $50K,
When Arnold talks to Prima, Porsha talks too much when she doesn’t have to. Arnold asks Kyle, if she feels responsible since she came up with the concept. Lisa says she knew it was not good concept but all she could do was express her opinion and then be a team player. Kyle comes for Lisa asking her why she didn’t shoot more smiles and points out that she filmed everything sideways the first time. I’ve talked about Lisa a lot in this part of the recap. That makes me think she is going. Porsha says that Kyle should be called back because it was her concept. Arnold forces Nicole to say a name of who should come back. But before she can, Carnie interrupts and says she knows who she is bringing back. It’s Lisa and Snooki.
I don’t understand what those two did to be called back. Arnold doesn’t get it either. Why isn’t Kyle an option since it was her concept and the concept is why the team lost. Lisa explains that the client loved the videography that she shot. She also points out how hard Nicole worked. Lisa says that Carnie screwed up by not bringing Kyle back. So does Arnold. Carnie is terminated. Kyle dodged a bullet this week.