Well, I must say I am ill-tempered and want everyone to die in a fire tonight after that Project Runway finale. I’ll let CJ Bomb tell you all about that in her recap, so please ignore this ranting and save your comments for her post. But it was a difficult last two hours for me for many reasons.
Moving on, the vets are whining about Sam going home. Boo fucking hoo. He was the male Yolanda of RHOBH. John Tesar is ragging on Katsuji for being offensive to the other chefs last episode. Which is hilarious. Because, John Tesar. I kinda love Tesar, but still. You can’t be a cunt and call out a cunt. Oh wait. Pauses for self-reflection Anyway, yeah, I love Tesar and so do the editors. Moving on.
Create a dish in a pressure cooker with lots of weird shit I am not even going to list, because there are too many. Surely, you are watching. What I do know is that we are past due for the beginning of the vagicide and so these bitches should get to cooking. Not you John, you are getting the good edit this season. But the other bitches are um, under pressure to win immunity. I’m looking at you, Emily. Probably for the final week.
Tesar says molé like ten times. I literally had to cut and paste that damn é in the post because WordPress no longer lets us use diacritics. Fuckers. I hate authentic molé I’d rather eat moles. Real Mexican food, in Mexico is the worst. I lived on whole pan-fried fish the whole time I was there. That was fantastic.
The judging begins and the guest judge asks BJ of “I can’t cook pork loin” fame if this is what he was going for. Does it matter? He is clearly blowing Tom.
Jim is adorable he could also win this. He’s my pony.
Sheldon stole Shirley’s melon baller. Allegedly. #BullshitStoryline We have to do something to cover the fact that Shirley will win. Shirley, Emily and BJ are in the bottom. BJ, bottom. Giggles.
The top three were Brooke, Casey and TESAR! They liked his molé. Casey wins.
Mike Lata, owner of Fig in Charleston is the guest chef. Adios, Emily. It’s been real. He is “one of the people” who has fired Emily.
The Elimination Challenge
It’s a Christmas challenge, the Italian style feast of the seven fishes! The Italian chick who almost went home last week is thrilled. Until they give them. Tesar is getting a lot of air time. Now I think he is might be leaving us. Because that is the way my reality TV viewing is going tonight. The fish they have to work with are called “trash fish” because they are not whatever the fisherman was fishing for. Jim points out that they are still great fish! I hope he wins. Oh he won the Great American Seafood Cookoff. He’s a ringer.
This is a couples event. Katsuji is with Jim. They hate each other. Emily is with Brooke. That’s bad for Brooke. Emily is SUPER nervous about making food for Mike Lata. The rest really probably don’t know enough to be nervous. As much as she needed to go already, I hope she nails it. #Redemption
I just noticed they have thirty minutes to shop and $100 to spend in Whole Foods. I have never made it out of a Whole Foods with a hundred dollar bill. EVER. Then again they are making one dish. But still. I’ve spent more than that on a Thanksgiving salad. I’m serious. Produce is VERY expensive there, and it was to serve 15.
My favorite, Jim is with Amanda who is about two seasons past her expiration. Sigh.
What is a box of chopped tomatoes, Tesar?
They are actually cooking in the kitchen of Fig. Emily is relying on Brooke to approve everything. I don’t think Brooke really understands what Emily is going through.
First up is Shirley and Sheldon. They made an Asian dish. Shocker. There was tofu. Blech. The judges loved it.
Next is Sylva and Jamie. They had tunny, a fish I have never heard of, and they have never cooked. They liked it. Unibrow is there. That makes me lose my appetite.
Emily and Brooke have a weird fish too. It is pointed out that Emily used to work in the kitchen at Fig. Mike Lata starts the criticisms and everyone else joins in. Things don’t look good for Emily. Unless she somehow manages to take Brooke out. The whole dish was Brooke’s and Emily just nodded and went along.
BJ and Silvia kind of ran out of broth for their barrel fish. Their fish is tough. They liked Silvia’s cracker. This is not good.
Katsuji and Tesar have two different stewed tomato dishes. They were supposed to pick one, but ended up just plating them both. These tomatoes seem more important to both of them than their fish! The judges LOVED their dish.
Jim and Amanda have trigger fish. Amanda is a hot mess. Her beans are horrible. Jim is the kindest man in the world. Tom asks who cooked the beans. Mike Lata hates the undercooked beans.
Casey is apparently serving solo since she won? How did I miss that? She is such a mess and tries to blame it on Amanda’s spastic cooking in the kitchen. She has immunity and is so frantic she wants to just not serve anything. But she does. Graham Elliot is there. I love him! And even he said her dish sucks.
First of all Tom says he is glad that everyone made an effort to cook these “trash fish” because they are “very difficult to work with.” What bullshit. Just because they aren’t served at his restaurant doesn’t mean other people do not know how to cook them. Shut up Tom. Someone get BJ in here, STAT!
The top three groups were Shirley and Sheldon, Jamie and Sylva and John and Katsuji. Tesar and Katsuji won. Katsuji took home the win. Tesar is so supportive. And these two’s confessionals are hysterical.
The bottom three were, Emily and Brooke, Jim and Amanda, and BJ and Silvia. Is it just me or is BJ in the bottom every dayum week? Also, they said if Casey had not had immunity she would have gone home.
In the stew room, Emily is stressed. She fears she is about to be fired by a major Charleston chef again, on national TV. So of course Katsuji starts fucking with her. I honestly don’t remember him being so much of a dick in his season. Then again, Oldtimers. So he probably was.
In the judges deliberations, Tom asks Mike Lata what the worst fish wash. He says the barrel fish. That was BJ and Sylva. Tom says BJ made the sauce. Tom says the worst dish might be Jim and Amanda because of her undercooked beans.
At the elimination the editing took up straight to BJ going home. It is starting to seem like Tom has decided that he is on a channel mostly propagated by old cat ladies and perhaps he should not send all the female chefs home in the first seven episodes.
BJ was long over due to leave. Sorry to my buddy whose name I forget at the moment who wants to do naughty things to BJ. I did post links to gay porn today (sorta) so there is that.
Next Week: A pig roast. And something bad happens and Sheldon may be out. NOT SHELDON! 🙁