Another (Mon)day, another Vanderpump Rules. Last week we revisited the Orlando massacre and it brought up a lot of feelings. Luckily, our amazing commenters brought the wisdom and healing we sorely needed. I’m really grateful for our little community here. And now the VPR kids can get back to what they do best: pointless drama! Who’s birthday is going to be better, Ariana or Stassi? Who’s a bigger slut, Lala or everyone? Who is going to be the new target once Lala makes her exit, Scheana or Scheana? I need to know and I need to know now!
Scheana and Katie interrogate Kentucky about Ariana’s birthday. Sonoma, NASCAR, Lala. Scheana hasn’t been invited yet. She assumes it’s because Ariana knows she already accepted Stassi’s invitation for the same weekend. Sure it is.
Bobby Fischer Lisa decides Ariana should fix the Katie and Scheana vs Lala thing. Ariana asks Katie and Scheana if they’d be willing to talk to Lala. “Like, to clear up rumors that are true?” Scheana asks. Bitch. They reluctantly agree but not without bitching about Ariana in the process. WeHo’s version of Hester Prynne joins the fun. There’s a lot of slutshaming going on until Lala admits she lied to hide who her boyfriend was. “And I felt like, oh, this is a fun little acting game.” Damn it. Now the mean girls have something new to cling to. When Katie scoffs at Lala’s past apologies, she goes all Brandi Glanville and asks if she has to finger Katie to get forgiven. Now all I can hear is Yolanda trying to say cunnalingus. Thanks, Andy Cohen. Somehow, out of the blue, Scheana decides to apologize to Lala and promises to stop talking about her. Katie is pissed.
Stassi stops by Sur under the guise of asking Brittany for permission to have Jax on her podcast. She really drops by to get free goat cheese balls and some camera time. Whatever. Kentucky tells Lisa because that’s what the script tells her to do. Lisa is very concerned that Stassi is using Kentucky. Well, duh. So is Jax. She doesn’t care. She just wants to be on tv.
Since they already scheduled the Sur location shoot, Stassi hangs out with Katie in the alley. Katie rehashes the Lala meeting. Stassi is horrified that Scheana apologized. She claims Scheana started all of these rumors so backing down now is a personal affront to the hyenas. Good luck, Scheana. Trying to be a mature, responsible person doesn’t work around these girls.
Scheana visits Jax and Kentucky to complain about her friends. First, she got chastised by Stassi. Then, around midnight, Tequila Katie came for her. Apparently, Scheana’s apology to Lala “repulsed” her. Scheana doesn’t understand why Katie didn’t say anything when it happened. She figures the change in attitude is due to a combination of tequila and Stassi Schroeder. Pretty astute for a dummy. Jax explains that now that Stassi and Kristen are back in the picture, this is what it’s going to be like for Scheana. “When it comes to this group, I can predict the future like Ghandi. Did Ghandi predict the future? Mohammed Ghandi, right? That’s his name? Isn’t he some like Indian dude who, like… Who is Ghandi? What did he do?”
Ariana reports to Lisa about the apology backlash Scheana is getting from the girls. Lisa is disgusted. She wants them to get along so she doesn’t have to hear about it anymore. Not gonna happen.
Jax meets Stassi in a bar to do her podcast. First he has to spill all the dirt Scheana told him the day before. He points out the mean girls are being mean girls. Stassi tries to deny it but… During the podcast, Stassi gives Jax a sociopath test. We all know where this is going. He’s a sociopath. It’s official. But he’s pretty sure Brittany isn’t going to leave him because of a test on a computer. Nope. You’re safe until your 15 minutes are up.
Scheana and Kristen throw a joint surprise party for Shay and Carter. It looks like Ariana’s adult kid party. Just saying. The mean girls freeze out Scheana. Stassi tells them what Jax told her. She has no sympathy for Scheana. “We haven’t even had a chance to be mean to you yet.” Jax tells the Toms that history is repeating itself and the mean girls are picking on Scheana again. Schwartz likens the girl group to the mafia. There are perks but it also comes with strings attached. Kristen confronts Scheana about what she said to Jax. They don’t all share the same brain! How rude! Stassi doesn’t even know if Scheana is going to her birthday party. Scheana tells us, “If I don’t go, Stassi will never forgive me and Katie will be that much more mad at me. And I can’t afford for her to cut me out of being a bridesmaid.” Scheana will do anything to be in this year’s Wedding by Bravo. Anything.
Stassi goes in on Scheana. She yells. She insults. She taunts. Scheana calls Ariana over for backup. Stassi refuses to listen to anything they say. She thinks if she yells louder she’ll win. But Ariana won’t cave as easily as Scheana so Stassi storms off to cry in the bathroom. Katie tries to comfort her. Scheana wants to work it out but Katie and Stassi just want to yell at her. Stassi accuses her of not caring about anyone but herself. Uh, pot, this is kettle. Kettle, this is pot. Scheana makes the mistake of bringing up Tequila Katie. Oh no she didn’t! Katie yells that Scheana won’t take responsibility when she’s wrong (pot, kettle, kettle, pot) and that all of the Lala nonsense is her fault. Scheana finally walks away. “Over the past few years I’ve fought with my friends and made up with them. I’ve never thought I was better than them until this moment because they’re acting like assholes.”
Next week: Scheana doesn’t know what to do about the Montauk trip. Stassi decides if Scheana doesn’t go she shouldn’t be allowed to be a bridesmaid. Jax has more surgery. James tries to get his job back.
Yikes, Stassi was insufferable this episode. Why was she so wound up? It’s not even her battle to fight. She looked like a damn fool with all the histrionics and crying in the bathroom. I’m glad Scheana walked away.
OMG! Am I the only one who was screaming at the TV for Stassi to shut the eff up and let Scheana and Arianna talk? I almost died when she ran off crying like they yelled at her. They couldn’t get a word in!
I’m still not sure how Scheana is the bad guy in this.
More and more as I watch this show I realize how fucking retarded these females are, their emotional and mental growth stopped in 8th grade. Stassi acts like a petulant child being denied a toy and ad in tequila Katie and you have bullying cunt duo. I do not throw the bully word round because I do think it is over used and isn’t always the case. The 3 cracks are bullies and need to grow up. How can they be considered adults? None of my friends and I have never acted this way to anyone let alone each other.
Thank you for the recap, The Lady Cocotte! My hubby and I feel asleep before watching the show. Below freezing temperatures outside make us hibernate. After reading your recap, I have no need to watch the show immediately.
Oh my, Britney reading the definition of a sociopath was painful. I don’t think she understood half the words…wow.
Stassi’s fake crying in bathroom makes Sandoval’s crying (last season, I think) with Kristen at a restaurant look Oscar worthy.
Ariana is only one I can take, she is often too logical for the rest of the females.
I don’t know how Schwartz could marry Katie, she is often devoid of personality or is a heinous bitch…no inbetween.
Stassi was so annoying this episode, but according to her Twitter, she knows she was ridiculous. As much as she annoys me at times, I don’t think the show makes sense without her.
“WeHo’s version of Hester Prynne.” I’m officially … Dead. I laughed like a loser over that for like 5 minutes straight. Nice recap!
I know this isn’t the most pro-Arianna site, but I love that she never backs down to these bitches!
Wait, what???? Not pro Arianna?
All I could’ve hoped for on this episode would’ve been Scheana smacking Stassi’s head sideways into that textured concrete wall. As far as Katie goes…I didn’t think she could be any more of a turd than last week.
They are fascinating to watch in a trashy way… but if I had to deal with them in real life? I am so not a violent or confrontational person, but I would go OFF on them.
Stassi stating that they weren”t mean girls YET (or something to that effect) WHAT THE FUCK DOES SHE THINK A MEAN GIRL IS?
Oh Jesus Fucking Christ.
Just looked at Katie’s twitter. SHE’S BLAMING THE GOD DAMN EDIT.
These twats are so fucking stupid, I bet they got drunk and pissed off about the movie LaLaLand.
I kept rewinding the Stassi yelling at Schaena & Ariana scene because she was so ridiculous. She was so over the top dramatic that it was amusing. I kept asking if she was for real. If I were friends with Stassi and Katie, I would be embarrassed for them.
Stassi is losing her mind and genuinely showing some remorse while Katie is blaming editing #Sigh I was hoping the “Katie of last season” would come back. I know what these girls are doing to Scheana ( of all people, who I’m not a fan of) is horrible but trashing them on Twitter isn’t helping. There has to be a better way of letting them know how we feel. It’s Christmas time people! Doesn’t it make the ones who bash them on Twitter no better then them for what they are doing? Ratings will go through the roof for the episode but I truly believe those mean girls will learn their lesson & possibly need therapy with Schwartz after the beating they took last night on Twitter. Just wasn’t right in my opinion. Thanks for the re-cap Lady C. xo
I’m fascinated by Scheana’s chin. Do they shave down the point to add some sort of implant to soften the point when someone has a chin like Scheana did? It’s looks good though. I used to think that chin was going to poke an eye out one day.
There is no logical reason for Stassi’s over the top fit, other than she has met her match with Areianna and she can’t deal with it! I think Areianna is one of the only people they have introduced that Stassi cannot bully.
I usually love this hot mess of a show, but Stassis bad acting last night made it painful to watch.
This show used to be one of my favorites and I’m just so disappointed in this season — I couldn’t exactly pinpoint why until last night. Katie sucks and having her be the focal point of the season because of her divorce waiting to happen wedding is just dragging everything down.
The rationale for hating Lala is that she said she’d bang Schwartz when he and Katie break up? Did I get that right? If someone said that about my hubs I’d still be on the floor dying of laughter. Katie’s insecurity speaks volumes.
Was it producer intervention or Scheanas dumbassery why they are letting two people who don’t even work at Sur run the show?
Apparently, Stassi got overwhelmed on Twitter and had a breakdown. The suicidal tweet was deleted.
Scheana will probably call to comfort her.
And apologize.
These bitches are too god damn old to be acting like this. And of course today they are all screaming “bad editing”. But of course it’s only bad editing when they’re shown looking like dirtbags.
This episode made me irrationally upset. How can a person (Scheena) take this abuse from friends/coworkers? Wtf is wrong with Stassi? When she labeled herself as an alcoholic at the end, I think she got it wrong. She was a combo of everything she said about everyone else, plus an alcoholic. She is a horrible person and I take it back about Carolyn Stanbury being the worst. They are now tied.
Bravo had sort of a comparison chart listing things that one of them had said on the show and pretty much all of them could have been either of them.
The differences were as nuanced as those between “Eat shit and die” and ” Go die in a fire.”
I wasn’t going to comment because everyone pretty much covered everything I felt as well….but then I remembered that I wanted to jump up and strangle JAX for stirring the pot with Stassi. After Schenna went over there and confided in them and was obviously upset. He runs to Stassi like a liitle weasel and then acts like he cares.
Then that scene in the pool when all the guys are talking about how they are ganging up on Schenna and how they are all starting to act like the witches of SUR again.
This show is getting to be so ridic. Stassi and Kristen are customers (along with James) yet they are all over this show. I cannot stand this Stassi or the old Stassi. Katie is one big puddle of vodka with Kristen as her solo cup. UGH
That drove me nuts, but he does it every single time. I don’t know why (cough…script…cough) anyone would run to Jax to confide, save the effort and just go tell Stassi yourself.
Katie is the most obstinate guttersnipe I have ever seen on reality television.
After standing up to Stassi for being a bully one would think Katie would be more of a class act herself, nope no insight. Based on Stassi’s “suicidal” comment, I think she is aware of how she’s coming across. I think she will evolve. Poor Scheanna, she seems so lost, so devoid of a backbone, so desperate to be liked by all especially viewers. I see her cosmetic surgery and weight loss as part of this.