First of all I am a Lisa Rinna fan all day, but I can’t be too mad at her sitting second chair to THE CHENBOT. Not to mention her husband is the fucking president of CBS. I can forgive this. In case you don’t know, I’ve watched all the televised seasons of Big Brother since season one and could not possibly be a bigger fan of the show. This is going to be a great episode, but not as great as that VOICE FINALE. I’m on cloud nine from that. I’m literally tingly from that recap. I never expected my favorite to win. They never do !!!
And just like that my uplifted spirits are pissed on. It’s the Calafiore brothers Cody and Paulie. The only worse BB choice would have been the brother. He should have just had Cody.
Les Moonves is in the audience.In case you don’t know, that is Julie Chen’s husband and president of CBS. Andy must be shitting bricks. I doubt the president of NBC has ever been to a taping in the clubhouse. This is kind of like a talk show host version of when the principal comes in to observe your teaching. Only this is a visiting principal.
Lisa Rinna has a new face. I wish she would stop fucking with her face.
Clearly, Andy has some cool kids on the staff because they bring out a “Zingbot” to ask Julie Chen questions.
Which big brother contestant would you be fine never seeing again? Aaryn Gries was her obvious answer from the really, super racist season of big brother, season 15. There were so many racists on that season they had to run a message at the beginning of the show warning about how hideously racist the housemates were and it will always be called the summer of Big Bigot. Click here for Julie Chen’s exit interview with Aaryn who told the Asian chick on that season to “shut up and go cook some rice.” Suffice it to say, Chenbot was not amused.
The grossest thing you ever saw on Big Brother? Jerry, the elderly man from Big Brother Season 10 who at age 75 made it quite far on the show. He rarely washed his hands after using the toilet. She must not watch the show that much. There has been WAY grosser stuff than that. Like the very existence of one of the bartenders.
Name an exit interview you dreaded doing because you hated the houseguest? Aaryn Gries wins that one too. Here’s the recap. Andy acts like he watches Big Brother. Andy asks Les if he watches Big Brother he says sometimes he watches with Julie and she falls asleep. They occasionally watch the live feeds but not often. Andy says they (he and the staff) watch them at work. I find this hard to believe. The live feeds are almost never about Andy.
Andy shows the clip of Erika systematically breaking down Dorit’s fake British facade next week. People want to know if Lisa got her top lip plumped again. She denies it. Her lips are totally botched and the silicone can’t be safely removed from what I understand. I’m pretty sure that cured her from fucking with her lips, so I believe her. But you never know.
A caller asks which birthday party she preferred Erika’s or Dorit’s? She said she loved them both. Andy points out there was no food at Erika’s party and that seemed to be a problem. And Rinna was like, um… what is this food you mention? There was booze at both parties.
The next question is for Julie Chen. For any Martians reading here I want to first explain that Big Brother is a show where people are locked in a house with no communication with the outside world and voted out by their housemates until there is only one remaining winner. It’s a summer show. But this year, they decided to do a feeds only version and while I paid for the feeds, I just didn’t have enough time to get online to watch because fall shows take up all my time. So while they were in there, Donald Trump was elected president. There have been times, like 911 and Hurricane Katrina and such where they will tell them major earth shattering events. So this fall the online show was sequestered during the election and Julie Chen came on to tell them who the new president was.
Julie gave an interesting answer about their reactions. I had forgotten that this online version has the viewers doing the evicting. She said it was interesting to her that the best players had very little reaction. Because either way they could have reacted they would piss off half the voters.
Andy asks Julie what she thinks about a recent Page Six story that says Barbra Walters is pissed that ABC executives have ruined her legacy with a revolving door of poorly cast women since she left. Julie says she believes every bit of it. So do I. Barbara seemed particularly irked by Raven Symone. So was I. She could not seem to stay in her lane and I don’t think she had ever even voted before. She certainly had no briefings on the election either. But that didn’t stop her from babbling on as if she is a millineal. She is THIRTY ONE YEARS OLD. Yet she acted like it was the first year she had been old enough to vote and didn’t know how to get to a polling site. Since Raven “moved on to other ventures,” as they say, Whoopi has been increasingly ridiculous and I believe she has already announced this would be her last season. Whoopi thinks many topics on the show are beneath her. She’s right. So she needs to either DO HER JOB without all the condensation or move on. She’s a fucking IGOT sitting on a talkshow. Ain’t nobody forcing her to be there. Play along or get the fuck out. The casting has been INCREDIBLY bad since Barbara left. Last season they had Nicole Wallace who is a brilliant journalist on hard news shows, AND her area of strength is politics. They fired her right before THE ELECTION YEAR which left us with a but of fucking idiots looking for their safe places with only one Liberation on the panel trying to speak some sense to the whining, pack of liberals. I forget what her name is, because, revolving door, but Whoopi says things to her every day like, “Let me explain this in words you can understand” when she is trying to explain HER VIEW. On a show called The View. The whole show was based on adult women sharing their many, often opposing views. I’m a big Joy Behar fan but between her and Whoopi this season they really went after anyone who deviated from septum safety pins and safe spaces since the election. It’s the biggest shit show it has ever been. KellyAnne whats her name, Trump’s blond mouthpiece was supposed to be on today and then suddenly she was not. Or if she was I missed that part while I was getting dressed.
Now back to some levity. Someone asks Rinna what she thinks of Dorit’s accent? Rinna responds quick as a whip, “Which one?” That’s my girl. Then she does a ridiculous self applause while bouncing up and down thing. Rinna, I know playing it cool is not your thing but stop clapping for yourself. It’s not cute. Let me clap for you.
Someone asks Rinna, “Which housewife do you think needs to do a better job of owning it?” Rinna says, “I don’t think I need to say, I think it’s obvious.” #RhymesWithCamelHump
Julie is asked what the wildest thing from Big Brother she has ever experienced. I expected it was THE GREAT KNIFE ON THE THROAT INCIDENT. But that is a CBS liability issue so she said 9/11. When 9/11 happened there were three people in the house. The last three people on Earth to know about what happened. She said they brought each of them into the diary room and told them the basics. She said they would answer whatever they asked, but they didn’t give them any further information. That was the year Will won, He’s a doctor who I think is sometimes on Botched, or another similar show. She found it interesting that he didn’t have many questions at all.
Next we find out that despite the fact that Rinna can’t cook, Harry can. He’s the chef of the house.
Facts from the Game Chenbot? Or Not? Julie stole her sister’s new Honda Prelude when she was sixteen to take the best friend to spy on her boyfriend. They totally the car before they found him. I totaled a brand new Honda when I was 16 as well. Me and my BFF were on the way home from Bare As You Dare at the Limelight. Our parents thought we were going to see a PG movie. Also Julie and Andy both interned at CBS and Julie had a crush on Andy and had no idea he was gay. Andy’s reply, “I was so butch then.”
Andy asks what the biggest work related fight Julie has had with Les was. She said there was a season where the guest were so foul-mouthed that Les didn’t want to do any more live shows that season because of the standards and practices stuff. They make it seem like Chenbot won, and Les says he almost fired her, but there were MANY fake live shows during season 15 aka Big Bigots that were actually taped. And there have also been many live shows where they fill the audience with CBS staff instead of real fans to keep people from shouting obscenities on live air from the audience.
We find out that Kim Richards makes her first appearance in about four weeks for Kyle’s game night. Rinna and Kim will never be besties suffice it to say.
Alan Thicke was the Mazel. He sadly passed away today.
The Kanye meeting with Trump was the Jackhole.
This was a REALLY good episode. I hope I did it justice.