First of all get Shemar as far away from Phaedra Parks as possible. Don’t taint Shemar, bitch. You’ve already done enough damage to the world. Secondly, it took me three hours to get up the RHOA recap tonight. I try to have it done within five minutes of the show ending. I knew about most of what happened in real time. I did not know how it would be edited. And for a long time reality show fan, when production is on camera, shit is gold star real. And it was heartbreaking.
And now we have the opposite of real, Phaedra. So I will not be kind. And I am not going to recap anymore than I have to. I already exposed her divorce crap here on Saturday while you were all out enjoying the holidays and I was from what I understand having discussions with my dozens of fake commentators in comments. Because all bloggers know we are paid by the comment. Or something. It’s been a very strange couple of weeks. Let’s just do this.
I’m torn between loving Shemar’s t-shirt, and his placating Phaedra Parks. Then they play his last appearance where he kissed Sweet Brown. It’s like he’s downgrading.
The drinking word is FRAUD. Oh wait. I lied. It’s Mama. Because everyone knows Mama Joyce is the only star up on RHOA at the moment.
Andy goes straight to the “Nation of Islam Security team” on tonight’s RHOA. Andy is such a fucking idiot. I can’t even explain that other than to say white people confusion.
Andy then goes on to talk about Matt’s latest babbling baby boy Instagram rant. Every time he does this he seem to forget the billions of them that came before it were all ready by the same 303 people. #Idiot
Phaedra is temporarily Team Kenya this season so she rides the fence.
Is Married to Medicine usually on on the Sunday night? Oh wait, they are moving to Fridays. Who knew. I watch WWHL and never seem to see them on the show or the show mentioned. Maybe I just fast forward this part.
Next up, I now understand why TMZ ran that stupid photo of Apollo and Shereen taking prison photos. Apparently, according to TMZ we pay federal tax dollars so that federal prisoners can take photos with their visitors in front of a lovely backdrop making it look like they are outside a pizzeria in Naples, Italy. I’m not sure who other than Shereen would want to publicize her prison engagement with the ring made from prison paper towels (I’m not making this up, apparently Apollo has A LOT of free time on his hands in prison) but that was another
paid advertisement for RHOA ridiculous thing TMZ posted today. So of course Andy brings it up.
AND THERE IT IS. Phaedra saying, “My divorce is final, TMZ even said it so you know it’s true.” Well that explains the false stories she keeps sending TMZ about that. It was for WWHL!
Phaedra Parks is a liar who lies out of her lie hole. I am starting to think she knows the FEDS are on her ass and is trying to push some paperwork. Allegedly. I think Mama Joyce might agree with my opinion.
Hypothetical question, “Would Andy hold up shooting RHOA for a prison term for Phaedra?” Hypothetical answer, NOT ON YOUR LIFE.
I am fully and completely over Shemar Moore. Andy asks if Phaedra is dating. She says, “Hopefully so.” He asks who and she says, “Shemar Moore” and he kisses her. So done. Noe. EW. No longer sexy to me. And those are just my personal feelings of disgust. Then he made some comments about the rise of the light-skinned or whatever he said that was really bad and will get him plagued with colorism insults for the rest of time. Maybe these two should date.
FINALLY. Andy acknowledges MAMA JOYCE, QUEEN MOTHER OF RHOA with a montage.
Kandi tweeted that she knows we won’t believe her but she didn’t know her mama filmed at the atty’s office. I believe Kandi. Mama Joyce is crafty.
OMG. This is the first time in YEARS I wish I had a fucking phone. The poll question was who do you believe, Mama Joyce or Phaedra. I would stop recapping and vote for MAMA JOYCE ALL DAYUM DAY.
Andy is asking Shemar stuff and I need a bathroom break. I’m over this show since now I am not down with Shemar anymore. i’m just praying that Phaedra loses the poll in a landslide, and of course there is some sort of shit going on in my hood. A helicopter is hovering above, which is fine, but there is a strobe like light that is bugging the shit out of me.
FYI ANTM premieres tomorrow at 10. My Monday schedule is pretty full but I will probably figure out a way to recap it eventually. It’s on VH-1. Another channel that is not Bravo. Oh yeah, if I could have watched Timber Creek Lodge last week at the same time, I DEFINATELY have an opening. So consider watching America’s Next Top Model with me starting tomorrow night. Someone remind me.
We get a clip about Phaedra and Mr. Chocolate. Phaedra, gurl, you dun fucked up pissing off Kandi. I don’t know what you did
other than hiding shit at her house but you dun fucked up now. Let’s see how this works out for you.
Someone asks Phaedra how “the paps got in her building.” Um it’s simple, she paid them. They all pay Freddy O and he hired some stand ins. Did anyone think that was real? Or her office?
Shemar Moore is a douche.
Phaedra has a lot of someone’s hair on her head. I don’t really pay attention to these things. But that is a shit ton of hair.
Andy and Shemar talk about relationships. Andy adds, “The older we get the more selfish we become” as if it is the men who decide this. It could not possibly be that there are women who just don’t want to deal with men, we are pitiable women who could never manage to get married. And they are, men who at some point want to share it with someone. Hey Shemar, you’re 46 and a prick and Andy is someone who likes to fuck young boys. You will all end up in the same place as me, who checked out of the game. We are all about the same age. Andy is 48. And my haters keep telling me I did something wrong or am somehow flawed because I chose not to marry. Why is that? Was it because I was supposed to rely on men like you? GURL PLEASE. I cannot tell you how may times I am told, “I wish I had never married….” But if you were smart enough not to the response is in hush whispers, “Why didn’t she ever marry?”
Here is your answer. I AM SMARTER THAN YOU. It’s really that simple.
Someone calls in and asks what Phaedra is looking for in a man. I swear I am not making this up Shemar starts licking her up and down and then continues with his colorism. “Once you go light skinned you ain’t never looking back.” I do not think I have ever seen a black man ruin his career in such spectacular fashion. Did he still have a career before this? Because I have not been checking but I thought he was hot. This shit is just sad.
Shemar is drunk. He starts screaming, “Don’t call it a come back, we’ve been here for years!” Who has been here for years? Light skinned people? Did I say this shit is sad yet?
Andy tries to give him an out and he launches into another colorism and I known I hate those isms too. But this is what is happening after half an hour of Shemar Moore making a drunken fool of himself on WWHL. Because that is what is happening. First he made me hate him, and then I realized he was horribly drunk on the free booze he can’t afford because he barely works anymore. I’d like to send my husband to see him safely home at this point but I’m like an hour behind now and surely someone is going to pour him into a car.
Andy who has no idea what is going on asks about the TMZ story saying she is not divorced. She says she is. SHE LIES.
Why are Andy’s pants too short. AGAIN! He bought TWO NYC apartments and had them adjoined after the success of this show when we started this shit in 2009 and he still can’t get his tie straight or get his pants the right length. #NewMoney Hell, old money knows what length your pants should be.
Andy goes in on Phaedra at the last minute saying, oh hey I didn’t really get it, you were all “Black Lives Matter! Racial Profiling!” But you insisted on all off of these security guards for yourself. Because you know, it was a black dude from your um, past, and you another black person with a um , past and so WTF?
Phaedra is all like well, Andy, Louis Farrakhan is my best friend and they are always there for me, it i has nothing to do with me saying it was racial profiling.
Which makes not sense.
I never realizes what a Jackhole Shemar Moore is. Never paying for anything he is in.
And for those of you who may not know. “Sweet Brown” started the meme “ain’t nobody got time for that” when she ALMOST DIED IN A FIRE. (I am not kidding) when her apartment complex caught on fire and she was the person the TV cameras opted to interview. Andy Cohen found it amusing so he brought her on his show as the “bartender,” gave her a nice hotel room and let her stand up for half an hour behind his “bar.” I found it kind of horrific and racist at the time, but she made a few dimes off it. So that’s on her. But Andy is so excited by it he made “Sweet Brown” his cardboard cut out bartender tonight because they own the rights to that experience now, and why do her any favors.
More shitty behavior by Andrew.
The poll question: Whose side are you on, Phaedra or Mama Joyce? 82% Phaedra.
Jesus help us all.