Tuesday has seen us again which means it’s time for the Ladies of London. We have queen bee Caroline Stansbury circling soon-to-be-Countess Julie like a shark in deep waters. Party girl Sophie Stanbury is going through a divorce from Caroline’s brother. How long will the Stanbury name protect her from Caroline’s razor teeth? Juliet is Caroline’s number one soldier, nipping at everyone’s calves like a little piranha. Martha Stewart wannabe Marisa just had a baby under very dangerous circumstances but that won’t keep her from being pulled into the drama. And Caroline Fleming is trying to float above it all on a cloud of Danish quirkiness. They seem more sophisticated because of the accents but at it’s heart this is pure, soapy reality television. And it’s amazing.
A week after having the baby (and a hysterectomy) Marissa is still in the hospital. She and her husband Matt cry tears of joy as they hold their baby girl. She’s an adorable little nugget.
Julie is living her hectic life. She has too many kids and no help. Plus, she and her husband just took over Mapperton, his family’s estate. These old British estates are very expensive to run and have to make a profit to keep afloat. Julie thinks her gift shop in a horse stall is going to do just that. Her husband isn’t so confident. You’d have to sell a lot of trinkets to save the farm. Her employees have worked at Mapperton for years and they’re very British. They don’t take Julie very seriously. They argue about the tea towels and branded tea cups and when Julie asks about numbers, they chuckle. They’re not selling much.
Caroline Fleming visits her friend Kim, who is engaged to Liz Hurley’s ex-husband. Really? This is a claim to fame? Kim is heartbroken over Caroline’s father’s illness. She kind of makes it all about her. But Caroline assures us she has a beautiful heart.
Caroline Stanbury visits the interior designer about her Dubai house. They drink Champs. They brag about how opulent Caroline’s new home is. They have a framed portrait of her new closet. Caroline didn’t lose much when her business closed down. I wonder how her former employees are doing.
Sophie visits Marissa and baby Sadie. Sophie does the standard, “You look great.” But she really does. Marissa is ready to get right back into the mix. Sophie rehashes the party. She originally thought Caroline was protecting her but now she realizes that Caroline was using her to have a go at Julie. Really? Marissa asks if Caroline shows the same loyalty to Sophie that Sophie shows her. She suggests Sophie talk to her about it. Yep, Marissa’s back.
Caroline Stanbury goes shopping with her annoying friend Adela. Adela tells her she must get a Burkini for Dubai. Ha ha ha. Making fun of other cultures is so hysterical. She does tell a great story about how Caroline steals everyone else’s fashions. I enjoyed that. Then Adela asks if she’s made up to Sophie. “You did kind of throw her under the bus.” Hmm, I might be rethinking my Adela hatred. Caroline gets pissed. It gets worse. Adela had dinner with Julie. Traitor! Caroline is shooting daggers out of her eyes. Adela wants her to reach out to Julie but Caroline doesn’t care what anyone wants. Julie is her prey this season and nothing is going to change that. They get into an actual row about it. “Caroline thinks the louder she shouts that you’re going to, like, sort of pander to her. And I don’t give a shit.” I heart Adela.
Caroline Fleming brings Juliet to a fashion event in Denmark. Why don’t I have friends like that? Caroline remakes her hotel bed. Juliet finds it a weird as I do. I mean, this isn’t a Motel 6 we’re talking about. Tori Spelling also attends the fashion event. High class. Juliet loves how famous Caroline is in her home country. “When Caroline’s in Denmark it’s like she’s Oprah.” Caroline gets caught off guard when the press ask her a lot of questions about her dad. She says too much and it’s all over the internet. It’s not the royal way. She blew it.
Sophie and Caroline have it out about the divorce party. Sophie gets some balls and tells Caroline she threw her under the bus. Caroline turns it around and claims it’s Sophie’s fault she’s feuding with Julie in the first place. Sophie won’t take responsibility. Caroline brings up the “loyalty” word. That’s a step too far for Sophie. “I really don’t need you to do what you did to Julie to me now.” They go round and round, making the same points over and over, until Caroline throws out her final dagger. “Now I know I can’t trust my family.”
Next week: The ladies head to Mapperton. Marissa can’t go because her baby is back in hospital. Julie frets because the last time Marissa didn’t attend a group event Julie was attacked. Caroline Stanbury utters the soon-to-be iconic line, “I’m not here for your amusement. You’re here for mine.”