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You are here: Home / Bravo / Timber Creek Lodge: A Hint of Nuts

Timber Creek Lodge: A Hint of Nuts

December 5, 2016 by tamaratattles 21 Comments

timber-creek-lodge

 

I kind of liked Apres Ski, but not really. This is totally the same show with a different cast and a different lodge. Let’s see if it is any better. Oh look, it’s even in Whistler. There are the requisite professional skiers who have the title of “VIP mountain host. ” Like that is a thing.

Jenna is 27 and her hospitality background includes cheering for and sleeping with the Dallas Mavericks. That last bit seems to have disqualified her from being able to continue to do the cheering bit. Seems sort of ridiculous to me.  Why is cheering for the team a good thing and giving them all blow jobs a bad thing? Jenna will now be scrubbing toilets. She has zero experience at this and doesn’t like getting her hands dirty. At least by cleaning bathrooms.

Whoever is producing the shows really needs to understand that there are idiots out here watching who are blogging and recapping the show and giving them free publicity. In order to make our jobs a bit easier, they might want to invest in some chyron and let us know the names of these idiots. Once would think at a staff meeting the person conducting the meeting might give a brief introduction that includes her name. I can tell she is going to be horrific because the first thing she says is that she doesn’t like to micro-manage.  That is a giant red flag that generally means I will be two inches away from you telling you that you are doing it wrong until the day you ultimately break down and flee with no letter of resignation or notice and drive directly to the closest shrink for PTSD treatments and Xanax.

There are many randon brunettes. Jenna is the blond. Jenna talks about herself in third person. Perhaps to distance herself from her special hospitality skills. There is a redhead that seems to know how to do housekeeping which is apparently her job. Her name is Louise.

timber-creek-lodge

 

Mark,VIP Mountain host, has been around Jenna, novice toilet scrubber, for like three hours and it is shocking they haven’t had sex yet. They will not make it until morning without screwing. They are sharing a room. Mark showers in the main lodge so that Louise has to clean the bathroom for the guests again.

Oh we finally get some chyron. Jamie is a rotund, probably gay guy who is the assistant manager under Little Miss NotMicro Manager. Oh her name is Katy. He’s appalled by his living conditions.  And Katy.

Blake is a lodgehand. Haven’t seen much of him. He may be the token normal person. Not sure yet. Nikita is the chef who used to sleep with Mark but they are now just best friends who snuggle a lot. Jenna is not going to deal well with her snuggling with her winter fuck buddy. Mark is a toolbag. It’s hard to be more annoying than Katy, but he is succeeding.

Colston is another professional skier and “VIP Mountain host.” He exhibits no tool bag tendencies yet but he is friends with Mark.  Cynthia is the third “VIP Mountain host.”  I feel sorry for her already.

It’s finally time for the guests to arrive. Some sort of whiskey has been poured for the seven guests who are US military guys on a bachelor party get away. Despite having a perfectly acceptable serving tray, the idiots are holding one drink each in various manners of douchedom. One of the has a drink balanced on his/her palm.  Someone says, “Try not to look awkward.”  They all passed awkward four stops ago. They are deep into completely bizarre and someone insane looking now.

Our fine military men arrive loudly chanting “Tits out for the boys!” This is actually WORSE than Apres Ski. This show makes Vanderpump Rules look like Masterpiece Theater.

I was wrong about Katy. She is not a micromanager. She’s not a manager at all. She does absolutely nothing. Everyone except Katy and Jamie go out partying with the boys. One of the guys immediately starts puking. Jenna goes to bed and Louise has to clean up all the vomit.  Blake, token normal guy, cuts the guys off from drinking. The were drinking Jaeger by the way. I had no idea the still made that swill. What’s next Goldschlager?

I was wrong about Jenna and Mark. They didn’t fuck until the second night. Because, morals. Mark has a giant hickey.  The chef made a huge eggy breakfast to cure their hangovers. Mark and Cynthia take the guys Helio Skiing.  Cynthia  at some point manages to strip down to a patriotic bikini. What did she do with her ski suit?

Louise tries to teach Jenna how to clean a bathroom. Jenna thinks that if she “acts dumb” she won’t have to clean toilets. I’m not sure it is possible for Jenna to “act smart.”

Jaime is trying to coordinate a Slip and Slide installation. Jenna is refusing to do jack shit. Jaime is insisting that Jenna work. Jaime tells Jenna, “Your princess doesn’t work on me.”  Katy also does nothing. I’m not sure why copious amounts of alcohol and a Slip and Slide are the best choices of activities for these people.  For some reason, Katy is pissed that Jaime is doing her job. Jaime is correct. Somebody has to step up and get shit done and clearly it’s not going to be Katy. This really is the exact same script as Apres Ski with different actors in the roles.

This show sucks. Next week, they are actually going to have a “nut scaping” contest. The only thing I’d like to see on the next episode would be Louise, Jaime, Blake. Nikita and Colston slaughter all of the other fools and BBQ them over an open spit and serve them to the guests for dinner in a Goldschlager marinade. Since that won’t happen. I’m out.

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Filed Under: Bravo, Entertainment News Tagged With: Cunts, Douchebags, Timber Creek Lodge, Twatwaffles

About tamaratattles

Come for the tea. Stay for the shade. Not for the easily offended. You're a special snowflake just like everyone else.

Comments

  1. Claire says

    December 6, 2016 at 12:31 am

    I recorded it. Worth watching? I hope so. It has to better than Vanderslut Rules.

    Reply
    • tamaratattles says

      December 6, 2016 at 12:37 am

      If you don’t read the post am I supposed to dumb it down for you in the comments? IDGI.

      Reply
      • Claire says

        December 6, 2016 at 1:39 am

        My apologies. Read the post. Looks like it suck shit. You sounded just like my husband in your response. Lmao

        Reply
  2. therealdeb says

    December 6, 2016 at 12:58 am

    It wasn’t bad but it wasn’t great. I liked the assistant manager guy, and the housekeeper Louise. Hell even liked Blake, the rest… the blonde though… ugh. Whistler is pretty and the business is owned by the same guy as Apris’ ski. I will watch if nothing else is on.

    Reply
  3. rebecca says

    December 6, 2016 at 1:05 am

    I wonder why Bravo even tries to come up with different themes for these shows, as the primary theme seems to be Awful People by Bravo. They could be distinguished by location: Awful People – British Columbia, Awful People – Atlanta, etc. This show does seem particularly bad, even by Bravo standards.

    I think I will stick Top Chef.

    Reply
    • rebecca says

      December 6, 2016 at 1:06 am

      Ack! That should say *stick with Top Chef*.

      Reply
    • tamaratattles says

      December 6, 2016 at 1:35 pm

      Ladies, you know how there are really hot guys that are TROUBLE and the wise thing to do would be to stay away and go date the nice guy who would treat you well and you would be happy with but you find yourself thinking something like, “Yeah, but I think I want to just hit that once and risk all the STDs and emotional damage and get our really quick and then go date the nice guy?”

      No? Okay, well skip this comment.

      For the rest of us, there are the above mentioned guys, who are irresistible, like that second line of cocaine you know could kill you, and then there are guys who THINK they are that guy who are just giant toolbags working on a much lower echelon of attractiveness.

      The problem with Bravo is they hire that second kind of guy, who is only marginally attractive with a giant ego and nothing to offer and THINK they have cast a hot male lead. Some idiot somewhere seems to think that women are going to love THIS GUY.

      Did I mention a nutsack shaving contest is the central storyline of the first two episodes?

      Of all the writers in all of the world, who have series proposals littering the floor of their hovels, this nut sack shaving, slip and sliding adults, vomiting Jeigermeister on the floor show received the greenlight from some suits at BRAVO? This whole network is ready to be flushed.

      Reply
      • DejaBlue53 says

        December 6, 2016 at 2:09 pm

        THIS is why I love you so much!

        Reply
  4. STEPHEN BOSAK III says

    December 6, 2016 at 1:06 pm

    I thought Mark was gay at first. I was going to DM on IG and get to know him better. Shit. Well, on second thought, what the hell. Might be able to turn him.

    Reply
    • tamaratattles says

      December 6, 2016 at 5:42 pm

      Darling, please. Aspire for more.

      Reply
    • RealE says

      December 6, 2016 at 5:56 pm

      Always go with your gut ?

      Reply
  5. Oh Please says

    December 6, 2016 at 1:53 pm

    What an absolute shower of shit this show is, I won’t be bothering to tune in again. After watching the scene showing where someone had vomited on the carpet, I realized two things: 1) they must have to have this place sanitized by a team in Hazmat suits after every set of guests. 2) This does not make me want to ever book this hell hole as a vacation destination.

    Reply
    • EnglishRose says

      December 6, 2016 at 2:53 pm

      Where in the hell do they find these losers?! If those guys were representing our U.S. military, then I’m scared for the security of our country. What a bunch of overgrown, drunken frat boys! Now we have “nut scraping”? No thanks, Bravo. Just when I think you can’t sink any lower, you up and surprise me again. I’m usually pretty broadminded, but these people are pretty disgusting – maybe it’s a huge generation gap. Are we supposed to believe that the morally deficient “kids” will grow up and be the moms and dads of our future generations? God help those unborn babies.

      Reply
    • EnglishRose says

      December 6, 2016 at 2:53 pm

      Where in the hell do they find these losers?! If those guys were representing our U.S. military, then I’m scared for the security of our country. What a bunch of overgrown, drunken frat boys! Now we have “nut scraping”? No thanks, Bravo. Just when I think you can’t sink any lower, you up and surprise me again. I’m usually pretty broadminded, but these people are pretty disgusting – maybe it’s a huge generation gap. Are we supposed to believe that the morally deficient “kids” will grow up and be the moms and dads of our future generations? God help those unborn babies.

      Reply
      • Oh Please says

        December 6, 2016 at 3:50 pm

        My son is a Marine Pilot….yes they are like frat boys when they’re off duty, but when they’re on duty, you can’t find any finer to represent you. They make a lot of sacrifices so people like you and I can sit around and watch shit TV shows.

        Reply
  6. Waygonnancy says

    December 6, 2016 at 2:47 pm

    My 1st reaction to most of the character was that they were actors pretending to work there. Especially Jenna . ..

    Reply
  7. belladonna says

    December 6, 2016 at 6:26 pm

    I tried watching as I was thinking Whistler, it might be interesting. Nope. Looking forward to RHoBH tonight.

    Reply
  8. Dancing Matisse says

    December 6, 2016 at 9:49 pm

    Bravo, quit trying to make Gibbons Life happen. It’s like so not fetch.

    Reply
  9. Theresa Broderic says

    December 7, 2016 at 12:00 am

    Perhaps joey gibbons has invested in, or at least paid off, Bravo. He also seems to have had a physical change since apres ski. Enough so that I had to look him up. Last year he was nerdy and unpolished. This year he’s rugged outdoorsman.

    Reply
  10. Theresa Broderic says

    December 7, 2016 at 12:01 am

    Perhaps joey gibbons has invested in, or at least paid off, Bravo. He also seems to have had a physical change since apres ski. Enough so that I had to look him up. Last year he was nerdy and unpolished. This year he’s rugged outdoorsman.

    Reply
  11. Rodusky says

    December 20, 2016 at 3:40 pm

    I tried to watch Apres Ski and Timber Creek Lodge, but I ended up quitting both. The bottom line is this company claims to provide five star service, but they don’t. The employees are too busy trying to act like they each work for themselves and don’t have a boss, even when it means not giving the guests what they want. I would not stand for that as a client and I can only assume they aren’t trying to make a name for themselves as a five star service establishment or are instead trying to make money by selling their company to the masses. At least on the Below Deck’s, they keep all their drama from affecting what the guests are paying for and still manage to film drama while providing five star service.

    Reply

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