I kind of liked Apres Ski, but not really. This is totally the same show with a different cast and a different lodge. Let’s see if it is any better. Oh look, it’s even in Whistler. There are the requisite professional skiers who have the title of “VIP mountain host. ” Like that is a thing.
Jenna is 27 and her hospitality background includes cheering for and sleeping with the Dallas Mavericks. That last bit seems to have disqualified her from being able to continue to do the cheering bit. Seems sort of ridiculous to me. Why is cheering for the team a good thing and giving them all blow jobs a bad thing? Jenna will now be scrubbing toilets. She has zero experience at this and doesn’t like getting her hands dirty. At least by cleaning bathrooms.
Whoever is producing the shows really needs to understand that there are idiots out here watching who are blogging and recapping the show and giving them free publicity. In order to make our jobs a bit easier, they might want to invest in some chyron and let us know the names of these idiots. Once would think at a staff meeting the person conducting the meeting might give a brief introduction that includes her name. I can tell she is going to be horrific because the first thing she says is that she doesn’t like to micro-manage. That is a giant red flag that generally means I will be two inches away from you telling you that you are doing it wrong until the day you ultimately break down and flee with no letter of resignation or notice and drive directly to the closest shrink for PTSD treatments and Xanax.
There are many randon brunettes. Jenna is the blond. Jenna talks about herself in third person. Perhaps to distance herself from her special hospitality skills. There is a redhead that seems to know how to do housekeeping which is apparently her job. Her name is Louise.
Mark,VIP Mountain host, has been around Jenna, novice toilet scrubber, for like three hours and it is shocking they haven’t had sex yet. They will not make it until morning without screwing. They are sharing a room. Mark showers in the main lodge so that Louise has to clean the bathroom for the guests again.
Oh we finally get some chyron. Jamie is a rotund, probably gay guy who is the assistant manager under Little Miss NotMicro Manager. Oh her name is Katy. He’s appalled by his living conditions. And Katy.
Blake is a lodgehand. Haven’t seen much of him. He may be the token normal person. Not sure yet. Nikita is the chef who used to sleep with Mark but they are now just best friends who snuggle a lot. Jenna is not going to deal well with her snuggling with her winter fuck buddy. Mark is a toolbag. It’s hard to be more annoying than Katy, but he is succeeding.
Colston is another professional skier and “VIP Mountain host.” He exhibits no tool bag tendencies yet but he is friends with Mark. Cynthia is the third “VIP Mountain host.” I feel sorry for her already.
It’s finally time for the guests to arrive. Some sort of whiskey has been poured for the seven guests who are US military guys on a bachelor party get away. Despite having a perfectly acceptable serving tray, the idiots are holding one drink each in various manners of douchedom. One of the has a drink balanced on his/her palm. Someone says, “Try not to look awkward.” They all passed awkward four stops ago. They are deep into completely bizarre and someone insane looking now.
Our fine military men arrive loudly chanting “Tits out for the boys!” This is actually WORSE than Apres Ski. This show makes Vanderpump Rules look like Masterpiece Theater.
I was wrong about Katy. She is not a micromanager. She’s not a manager at all. She does absolutely nothing. Everyone except Katy and Jamie go out partying with the boys. One of the guys immediately starts puking. Jenna goes to bed and Louise has to clean up all the vomit. Blake, token normal guy, cuts the guys off from drinking. The were drinking Jaeger by the way. I had no idea the still made that swill. What’s next Goldschlager?
I was wrong about Jenna and Mark. They didn’t fuck until the second night. Because, morals. Mark has a giant hickey. The chef made a huge eggy breakfast to cure their hangovers. Mark and Cynthia take the guys Helio Skiing. Cynthia at some point manages to strip down to a patriotic bikini. What did she do with her ski suit?
Louise tries to teach Jenna how to clean a bathroom. Jenna thinks that if she “acts dumb” she won’t have to clean toilets. I’m not sure it is possible for Jenna to “act smart.”
Jaime is trying to coordinate a Slip and Slide installation. Jenna is refusing to do jack shit. Jaime is insisting that Jenna work. Jaime tells Jenna, “Your princess doesn’t work on me.” Katy also does nothing. I’m not sure why copious amounts of alcohol and a Slip and Slide are the best choices of activities for these people. For some reason, Katy is pissed that Jaime is doing her job. Jaime is correct. Somebody has to step up and get shit done and clearly it’s not going to be Katy. This really is the exact same script as Apres Ski with different actors in the roles.
This show sucks. Next week, they are actually going to have a “nut scaping” contest. The only thing I’d like to see on the next episode would be Louise, Jaime, Blake. Nikita and Colston slaughter all of the other fools and BBQ them over an open spit and serve them to the guests for dinner in a Goldschlager marinade. Since that won’t happen. I’m out.