It is with much trepidation that I have decided to recap this show. At some point in my life I stopped listening to music regularly. That point came some time after Mariah Carey was relevant. When Vision of Love came out, it may have technically been 1990, but in reality it was still the 80s. The sweet, sweet 80s when we were all still thin and happy and living life to the fullest. I cannot sing. But I would wail Mariah Carey songs at the top of my lungs driving down the highway on my way to stir up trouble wherever I could find it. It was a glorious time. Our invincible time. And it’s a miracle that so many of us survived it. The 1990s would not be nearly as kind to us.
So I am going into this expecting sort of a Paula Abdul train wreck of a reality show. Remember Hey Paula and her odd behavior, tantrums and sniping at her employees? I am not sure I want to relive that again with Mariah. Nonetheless, it’s time to dive in.
Right a way there is a WTF moment. What is this Bianca Storm nonsense? Seriously. What is this? Who is producing this frenetic opening? It’s garbage. A complete waste of air time that foreshadows nothing worthwhile will be forthcoming.
Next, Mariah weighs the pros and cons of actually doing this ridiculous reality show which she insists on calling a documentary before jumping off a huge yacht into the Tyrrhenian Sea off the coast of Capri in a formal gown and sunglasses. We get a brief shot of Moroccan and Monroe watching the entire fiasco as Moroccan worries that his mommy might catch a cold. And really, the boy’s name should be Morocco, not Moroccan. At least then he could go by Rocco. Hopefully he does anyway. Four minutes in and I have had enough. Oh! She calls the boy child Roc and the girl child Roe. That is cute.
How embarrassing it must be to have broken up with your fiance before your reality show even airs.
How do you work in the entertainment industry for decades and be completely unable to put on, or walk in shoes? This cannot possibly be real.
There is very little Mariah, and lots of random staff members so far on this episode. I do not care about these random staff members.
I am amused that Mariah counts on her fingers. I do to. My elementary teacher also told me I would do it as an adult. I do. So what’s the problem? I also used a trick to fill out my nine times tables on ditto sheets in the second grade by writing the numerals 1-9 down one side and up the other. I still do not know my nine times tables by heart. Still, what’s the problem? I was the first one done with my ditto sheet and I did not like the way they smelled. Yes, I am old. I have also managed to navigate life just fine with these mathematical handicaps.
Wow. A brief scene with Mariah rehearsing at the piano. That was refreshing.
Mariah has found a wedding dress that she really loves. She says that as if she was just rifling through the racks at Kleinfeld’s and there it was. It is perfect for her because it was custom designed for her. She seems embarrassed that she wants a tiny tiara. She’s Mariah Carey, a tiara is a must.
We got a scene with Mariah consulting with her choreographer, Anthony. It was the first mildly interesting behind the scenes thing we have seen. Then we see Brian Tanaka, one of Mariah’s dancers that has been dancing with her since 2006. This is apparently her new boyfriend. This supposedly happened about five seconds after she broke up with the gazillionaire, or has been an ongoing relationship the entire time depending on what rags you read. Are there really straight male backup dancers though? He definitely seems besotted. They seem quite close to me. Perhaps that dress will be put to use after all.
For some reason Mariah will be narrowing down the field of backup dancers that go on the road with her based on a physical inspection of their bodies. As I type this, the show is paused and there is an unfortunate white boy who has me singing that Sesame Street song, “One of These Things Is Not Like The Others” in my head. His face is blurred out and so is a the face of a black guy with the absolute best abs of the bunch. It appears those two will be dropped. Tanaka, Mariah’s alleged lover, was not required to be part of the physical inspection. They did actually dance a bit just for the sake of appearances. Then this woman, Stella, who seems to have a lot of control over Mariah says that indeed the white guy and the guy with the great abs are out. Mariah protests a bit. She wants to keep eight dancers and Stella insists she can only afford six. Someone remind me how much money Mariah has again?
This whole “postponing the wedding” story makes no sense. It seems to me like they just decided to wait to set a date until after the tour. I saw no indication that there was a wedding date to postpone. It seemed more like someone pointed out that planning an international tour and a wedding at the same time was illogical.
Mariah seems terrified of a lift in her choreography. Perhaps that is why she wanted all eight dancers. She asked the cameras not to record her lift. They do anyway.
Then they are all off to Glascow. Including this idiotic girl named Molly who was hired to be Mariah’s personal assistant on tour despite the two never having met and Molly have no relevant experience whatsoever. Stella tells he she is to have no boyfriend (too late) and no crying (unreasonable expectation). Molly packing “American candy” to take on a European tour tells me all I need to know about Molly. She should be thrown in the first Loch they pass en route to the venue.
Anthony, the choreographer and Jose the stylist have a dick swinging contest prior to the show. Jose is pushing his wardrobe, and the color of the shoes in particular, while Anthony is concerned about function and the ability to dance in said shoes. These two are by far the hottest and most interesting people in the show. I would like to watch them argue over shoes for the full hour next week please. No Mariah necessary just these two. Artistic passion.
Finally, we get to Mariah being late. She is notorious for this. This episode is almost over and it is the first time it has been mentioned. She is three hours late to the show. Mariah’s nanny somehow managed to pack her passport into her suitcase. How is that even possible? Private plane boarding perhaps? However it happened it caused a three hour delay.
Things just sort of end with Molly sobbing because she can’t set up the Apple TV that Mariah requires in her room to sleep at night. This is what happens when one decides to take a girl whose last job was picking up dog poop to Scotland to be an assistant to a diva.
And some more Bianca Storm. Why?
Are we going to watch this? I dunno. On the plus side, there are only seven more episodes.
I enjoyed your recap far more than the actual show. The show itself may be a one and done for me. I was wondering why it was airing on Bravo when it is an E! show, but then figured that airing on both would boost numbers for this latest piece of reality drek.
I watched late last night on the west coast…I fell asleep for a moment or so and missed nothing!.
Nothing I would watch further. I kept hearing the same song from her past and at that point realized.. nothing much more to see. We all know the wedding is off.
I recorded it and will check it out tonight…not sure I’ll stick with it. It sounds pretty boring.
I don’t know about you, but I will definitely be watching! I’ve been a Lamb since 1992. I had the DJ play nothing but Mariah Carey at my high school graduation party. That’s dedication considering “You Can’t Touch This” was an anthem that year. I don’t remember her in the 80’s though. I think the show is going to be amazing and we just got a little taste. 🙂 The wedding being postponed is a farce, the wedding is OFF! I don’t think he knows how to appreciate Mariah. He and his Mother are dopey snobs and I can’t stand either one of them. I don’t trust them anywhere near Roc or Roe. I hope she keeps the ring and sends Packer packing! I hope everyone gives the show a chance because it will be epic, and nothing like Paula Abdul !! As if! 🙂
Do tell more about Packer please! I had never heard of him until Mariah snagged him.
People have said to James “Marry your Mother” for a reason. Kerry Packer, his Father, was mothered by his wife and that’s all James ever saw. His Father was a tyrant! The boundaries are all blurred in that family and Mariah could never play that role, nor should she. The last thing she needs is a man-child.
James Packer has never been shown to be anything other than a wonderful father to his kids. It’s a big leap to say he is a risk to children.
I know nothing of his relationship with his kids, and neither do you. I know his Father was a tyrant who threw temper tantrums and mentally abused his wife. James was around that his whole life. James insisted that Mariah move halfway across the world with no regard for the fact that Roc and Roe’s Father, Nick, was 100% against the move and had no access to them. His Mother was against his marriage to Mariah and did not want to meet her for a long time. Your baseless opinion that James Packer is a “wonderful Father” does not change my mind in any way, shape or form.
How do you know James Packer’s dead father, LisaPat? Blondesense is one of our Aussies and pretty much the resident expert on Aussie Entertainment News. I don’t know much of anything about the Packers other than James seems to have squandered a lot of his inheritance. You seem to have a real personal investment in James. Is there something you’d like to share with the class?
I don’t give two shits where your resident expert lives. She made a ridiculous statement and I’m surprised that you would agree with said ridiculous statement. James Packer is a “wonderful Father.” How the hell would she know? Is she typing from his residence? His kids are 8, 6, and 4. He could lock them in a closet and slip dog food under the door for all we know. The conclusion that I came to was based on information that came from people who were in that family over the years. It is very easy for me to make the determination based on the information I was given. I live in the state of Pennsylvania but it doesn’t make me an expert on every person who has ever lived in Pennsylvania. When his children who are no longer babies and they grow up and state in the press that James was a “wonderful Father” then we will know for sure the way we know that his Father was a tyrant.
I don’t care about anyone agreeing with anyone. You just seem very invested in the whole bad father thing. I was wondering where it came from. Thanks all. Can I offer you one of my Xanax? Okay maybe just a half.
I thought lambs were supposed to be sweet little pettable things. You’re scaring me!
If it helps, I do think Packer has sort of a creepy vibe. I just wondering why there was this urgent need to hide our wives and children from him. It will be okay, he’s continents away. We are safe.
In general, it is not a good idea to make libelous statements on the Internet about people with billions of dollars. Just saying.
I’d have to echo Leah Remini’s statement today to the Church of Scientology “If it’s untrue and libelous, then sue me.”
Fuck. I keep missing that Leah Remini show. and how i it 1 am. I have to go to the damn doctor tomorrow. I may need a water taxi.
So, let me get this right. You’re allowed to make a, “determination based on information you’ve been given” but other people, especially if they disagree with you, are not given the same luxury? in fact they’re taken to task. You don’t want other people to state their opinion because they don’t personally know the person they’re speaking of, yet the same does not apply to your comments. Hmmm.
I’d say a lot of our comments are based on conjecture, we’re speculating ( a polite word for gossiping)! Lighten up, it’s Mariah!
I’m not really sure what is going on here. I have no information even any gossip about Packer or his kids who I didn’t even know he had.
I am just shocked at this OTT opinion because I know nothing about the topic. Can we share some sort of information about his poor parenting (other than dating Mariah, because OBVI) or his great parenting?
It seems like we are just ranting about random thoughts. WHICH IS FINE. I’m just trying to follow the discussion and apparently doing it poorly.
And I am not picking a side, although Blondesense probably has one of those accents that makes her seem smarter than all of us. Just saying.
Lighten up, buttercup.
My comment was to LisaPat but I think I hit reply to TT. Sorry about that. I can get a bit cranky at things I perceive as hypocritical. My tolerance for it is a bit low lately. Something else to work on!
Yes you definitely should work on that, SOP. Maybe have more pie and STFU? If you dont understand the difference between adult family members in the press, former mother in laws and business partners stating that the man was “evil” to his son, a tyrant, abusive to his wife and children who haven’t had the chance to voice yet whether or not their Father was a good parent, then you are a moron too.
Jesus, LisaPat. As I said before, clearly you have some sort of personal investment in this topic that we are not privy to. I believe what you are trying to say is that people have stated in the news that James’s father was an evil tyrant to him. Therefore, that must make James himself a bad father.
It seems like quite a stretch to me and nothing to take a tyrannical stance about to all of the people with whom you are sharing the information. Or a good reason to yell at me for “agreeing with” someone who says there is no evidence of James being either a good or a bad father.
It’s past five o’clock here. Hopefully it is where you live as well.
You know TT, you said your piece earlier, and you should have stayed out of it after that. Clearly I have a very strong opinion on this subject so why aren’t ANY OF THESE IDIOTS LETTING IT GO? Most of the time, I don’t argue with people who snipe at me from the side because I know the people on forums argue for the sake of arguing or are bored, lonely people. But, when I feel very strongly about an issue I am going to voice it and not back down, if i have to flatten every asshole in the room who won’t STFU! I don’t even want to go into what I think the underlying theme is here, because then you people will start with the “Ohh that’s not at all what we were saying” and “we don’t think that at all” and THAT will piss me off more than the original statements because I would know they don’t even realize it’s their conditioning to think that way about wealthy people. So, I really wish, at this fucking point, everyone would all STFU and move on to another topic. I know what I know about this subject and I’m not proving it anymore.
Actually, I am quite aware you normally do not get riled up here. Which is why I am trying to understand your strong reaction. I think, that is what everyone is doing if you go and read back.
You’re entitled to your opinion. But if you are going to come on and state someone is a shitty father, we will probably ask why you feel that way. And screaming “I KNOW WHAT I KNOW SO JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP” isn’t supporting your opinion, Nor is it arguing an opinion. It’s making a declaration and then telling us all to STFU, and not inquire further.
Now, let’s have a glass of whine and sing Mariah Had a Little Lamb together and relax. It’s been a weird day.
I think Mariah is a fucking nut job. Insecure and needy. Sad. So much going for her. Talent, beauty, and looks. No one can put up with her for long. Proven. Poor kids.
I am a huge fan as well; however, I was truly disappointed by this snooze fest. I hope you enjoy it more than I did.
I used to like Mariah Carey when she first came out. But now, she has an ego the size of that big head of hers. Fame has turned her into a sniveling brat who thinks she’s all that. I would not waste my time watching this train wreck. She definitely does not know the meaning of the word humility.
If you had watched the show, you would not have seen much of any ego. I was watching for the ego. I was watching for the DIVA. I just saw a kooky girl who swam in a full length gown and laughed about it.
I’m there for it. I love all messy things Mariah. Yes she is a mess but this woman is beyond talented. Okay let me admit that I was shocked that someone wasn’t by her side holding her up throughout the entire episode.
She seemed genuinely hurt that she had to postpone the wedding and the timeline confused me. I shrug that off to editing. Her manager seems to be infatuated with her and she makes me nervous. I got ‘Selena’ when I saw the interactions.
Ok that was my ramble! I hope you continue to recap and BE NICE TT!!
I was disappointed that there was not more Mariah in this episode than there was. I want to see more unfiltered messy.
I got a very bad vibe from Stella and it seemed odd that both Mariah and Anthony deferred to her regarding the dancers. Perhaps it was just a way to keep Anthony and Mariah from taking the blame for axing two dancers. But that whole scene seemed weird. If Anthony only wanted six dancers, that is his JOB to choose this six. Stella is Mariah’s “manager” which is odd because she has been on other reality shows like T. I. and Tiny and some other ones I’ve already forgotten. I think she was cast to be on the show to play a role. It looked like all she did was sit around and play Candy Crush on her phone.
And if you are looking for nice, you’re at the wrong fucking site. I am fresh out of nice and fully stocked with fuck yous. So buckle up buttercup.
Mariah is very image conscious (she even made Andy switch seats on wwhl so she’d be filmed on her good side) – I imagine they cast Stella to provide the drama.
I agree TT! I want more Mariah and less of her handlers. I’m not a Stella fan. She is very rude to the Lambs and has gotten into fights with them because she is so possessive of MC. She was her best under Benny Medina.
What does “Lambs” mean? I know a lamb as an animal, but that is it. What am I missing?
Mariah started calling her loved ones, friends, and fans Lambs in early 2000 I believe. I guess lambs kind of follow the leader. (shrugs shoulder)
I watched out of curiosity. I love listening to Mariah Carey sing. Most of the songs I know are from back in the late 80’s. Like you, Tamara, I would blast the radio and sing the words along with Mariah at the top of my lungs. My voice sucks, but I just enjoyed listening to her incredible voice. I still have a whole bunch of her songs on my apple shuffle and I listen to them when I’m gardening or walking or riding on the bike path.
I think Mariah rose to fame around the same time as Whitney Houston and they did a couple of duos together. I love those as well. I will watch. It isn’t great, but I find her charming and her kids are scrumptious; absolutely adorable. She is not a diva. Whether she was or not back in her heyday, I don’t know, but I enjoyed watching the show. It’s not serious TV and a nice diversion from all the screaming on the housewife shows.
It was nice to see a familiar face with the choreographer- Anthony made appearances on Dance Moms and it’s spin off, Raising Asia. He seems to be very talented and on a career upswing if he’s working with Mariah now.
Mariah is looking great! Whatever she’s is doing is working. And her kids are too freakin cute
Is Mariah even officially divorced from Nick Cannon yet? I never bought the whole fiancée thing — seemed too contrived.
Yes officially divorced after agreeing to part with a large chunk of her fortune…so it’s been said.
Aha!! The few minutes I did pay attention to, I spent trying to remember where, and who Anthony was. Thanks. Maybe I will give it another try.
please cancel this show right away! i heard they were filming still well… needless to say they should stop it was so so so boring!. btw does anyone else think the marriage to James Packer was a publicity stunt for this show.. just so u would watch??
I not sure about publicity stunt, but it was definitely edited to make it seem like she broke off the engagement.
Either is Tamara’s world
I am 4 episodes in and feel another “reality” show addiction coming on. The drama is a bit boring and I begin to wonder if any of it is scripted, but maybe this is just the norm in Mariah’s World.
On another note, Stella gives me the creeps, feels a little “Single White Female” to me.