I don’t know about you but I’m ready for a little international flair. Bring on season three of the Ladies of London! They’re just as petty and bitter as the rest of the Bravolebrities we love and loathe… But some of them do it with an accent.
We start off at Mapperton, the family home of the Earl of Sandwich. Julie and her husband have recently taken over the estate from his parents. Julie is really feeling the pressure. If she fails she’ll always be known as the American who brought down the Montagus. But, as much as she complains about it, she loves how close she is to becoming a Countess. “Kate Middleton’s got nothing on me.”
Marissa is getting ready to have her baby. It hasn’t been an easy pregnancy. She has to deliver two months early and get a hysterectomy. The whole thing is pretty dangerous. Marissa and her husband look genuinely scared.
On the other side of the spectrum, Sophie and Caroline Stanbury wake up in a trashed hotel room, hungover. They just celebrated Caroline’s fortieth birthday and look fairly worn out. How do they deal with it? Vitamin infusions! These are Yolanda Hadid’s kind of girls. Caroline moans about losing her business but the big sob story goes to Sophie: she’s getting a divorce from Caroline’s brother. She talks about what a good friend Julie has become and Caroline gets upset. Caroline calls Julie the “village foghorn.” She’s still angry that Julie got between her and Juliet last year and she’s afraid the same thing will happen with Sophie. Sophie defends her new friend. You mean you can be friends with two people who don’t get along? Gasp. I wonder if the Vanderpump Rules girls watch this show.
Caroline Fleming is packing again. She films with the one child that isn’t a Fleming. Her father is ill and it’s bringing up lots of emotions around their tricky relationship. Her son gets crumbs in her bed and we get a “cute” storyline about how particular she is.
Matt, Marissa’s husband, cries when he learns his daughter was born healthy. Now he just has to wait for news about whether his wife survives.
Caroline is moving to Dubai. She rented out her posh Surrey home, furniture and all, so she’s slumming it in a little rental until they go. Hello, Shannon Beador. Adela, the new friend-of, stops by. Luke the makeup artist lurks in the background. We get a back and forth between them talking about how loose-lipped Julie is and Sophie telling Julie what Caroline thinks of her. Yay! Our first game of telephone. Caroline calls Julie a puppet master and Julie freaks out that Caroline is threatening her “brand.” Apparently Julie has become quite media savvy since last season. Sophie defends Caroline and Luke almost defends Julie. Interesting. Julie decides Caroline is jealous of her because she has the one thing Caroline doesn’t: a title. Ladies and gentlemen, we have a new Countess on our hands.
Party-girl Sophie claims her marriage fell apart because her husband wasn’t ready to quit partying. I think she doth protest too much. She’s having a party to celebrate her re-entry into the single life. She brags about how good she is at dancing on tables and acting the drunken idiot. Hmmm… Forty minutes in and we finally see Juliet (in passing). I wonder if she’ll get any lines this episode. Julie is visibly nervous to see Caroline and she’s decided to pretend everything is fine. Maybe she’ll give her another “I’m sorry you were a bitch to me” present.
Oh, I was wrong. That wasn’t Juliet I saw in the crowd earlier. It took forty-eight minutes but she shows up, lips a-flapping. Sophie couldn’t stand Juliet last year but now that friends = camera time, Sophie thinks she’s a sweetheart.
The party is physically split between Sophie and Julie on one side and Team Caroline (everyone else) on the other. Caroline spends the entire party bitching about Julie. When Sophie wanders over, Caroline calls her a flip-flopper. Juliet instantly backs Caroline up. Wait, am I watching Vanderpump Rules or Ladies of London? Caroline Fleming puts it best: “I don’t understand how grown-up women cannot have grown-up friendships.”
Caroline isn’t interested is being a grown-up so she tells Julie to “bring it.” Julie is shaking in her boots and Caroline is grinning like a shark. Sophie tries to jump on the bomb but Caroline is out for Countess blood. We get a David and Goliath thing where Caroline’s cockiness turns into verbal diarrhea while Julie makes clear, concise points. Until Juliet jumps in. She claims Julie preys on people with weaknesses. “Don’t put her in these positions. She’s got enough going on.” Caroline’s shark grin is back in full effect. Sophie tries to take the blame again and Caroline is fed up. “Oh, Sophie. Get a pair of balls. Last night you were going, you were in tears, going, ‘What the fuck? I’ve been bulldozed by her… this bitch.'” Caroline manages to put a wedge between the friends and chase Julie out of the party in one fell swoop. Gauntlet thrown.
Sophie can’t believe her divorce is getting overshadowed by this petty argument. Welcome to reality TV, Sophie.
Next week: Marissa gets to hold her baby girl. Julie is overwhelmed by Mapperton. Caroline Fleming reads unflattering headlines. Sophie and Caroline continue “the argument.”