Vanderpump Rules: Thirsty Girls
Ready or not, it’s time for another episode of Vanderpump Rules. I’m not your usual recapper (TT, we miss you!) but I’m kind of excited to play tonight. Vanderpump Rules is one of my favorite shows. These hot messes really speak to me. But this season has been a little flat. Sure, James is still a douche. Jax is still a liar. Stassi is still a bitch. Lala is still a whore. But where’s my crazy Kristen? Where are the fights? When is Jax going to cheat on Kentucky? I need a little more than boring Katie planning her boring wedding to boring Tom. Wait. That’s not fair. The photos I saw of the wedding looked gorgeous, and I actually like Tom Schwartz, but you know what I mean. Hopefully things will kick off a little this episode when Tom goes behind Katie’s back and asks Ariana to be one of his groomsmen. Gasp! How is this marriage going to work if Tom never backs Katie up when she’s mean-girling someone? Red flags, y’all. Red flags.
We start things off at Fat Sal’s. I bet those sandwiches are great (yes, I’m a fat girl). This better not be the highlight of the episode. Ariana’s hipster brother moved in with her and Tom. Ariana claims it’s affecting their sex life. I think Sandoval’s hair is probably more to blame. Lala and her hoop earrings join them for lunch. This is not a Katie approved scene. They all laugh that James’ girlfriend is moving in with him. I hope she doesn’t mind sleeping in some weird guys living room because that’s how James “Baller” Kennedy rolls. Ugh, James’ girlfriend is a 21 year old pageant girl. Why is she with him? Don’t these girls have eyes and ears? And brains? I’m going to call her Kentucky #2.
Stassi, Kristen and Katie are drinking and pretending to eat. Kristen lets them know that Scheana thought Katie was being a mean drunk at her party. Great. Now Katie and Scheana are going to fight about Lala even though they’re on the same (mean-girl) page. Over at Sur, Lala tries to conversate with Scheana and Scheana shuts that shit down. Hard. She tells her Katie is one of her best friends so socializing with Lala makes her “uncomfortable.” And she immediately reports the incident to Kristen. The three hyenas give her a slow clap for letting Lala know she can’t sit with them.
One of the Sur managers complains to Lisa about James. Lisa thinks she needs definitive proof that he’s drinking at work to fire him. Yeah, because being a shite employee isn’t enough. Then Jax warns Lisa about Lala and Scheana’s fight. He’s not shit-stirring. He’s looking out for Lisa’s best interest! Scheana tries to explain the fight. “Brittany and I are doing our roll ups and then Lala walks up and is like, ‘hey girls, how was your weekend?’” Lisa has no sympathy. Reading the room, Scheana blames Katie. Lisa tells her to just do her job without creating a hostile work environment. I wonder where Lisa learned that phrase?
Tom Schwartz is still seeing a therapist about commitment issues. He tells her he’s getting married and she laughs. Doesn’t that say it all? No. It gets worse. He’s hiding the fact that he’s in therapy from Katie. What a beautiful love story! When he gets home, Katie is drunk so he decides it’s the perfect time to have a serious conversation about Tequila Katie. Oh, Tom. Your relationship makes me sad.
Jax is a terrible person. He complains that Brittany won’t make him a sandwich. Meanwhile her dress keeps popping open from her ginormous boob job. #RelationshipGoals
Katie, Stassi and Scheana go to comfort Kristen after dental work. Katie gets frustrated listening to Scheana drone on about her own dental issues. Finally, they’re able to get to the important issue: Scheana isn’t a good enough friend to them. I don’t even know what to think about this. I couldn’t be friends with any of these bitches.
We get a montage of James drinking at work. Then a random waitress complains to Jax and Brittany that James has been harassing her ever since she hooked up with him. She doesn’t want to cause problems between him and his girlfriend (who he cheated on) but she told the one guy who lives to ruin James’ life. If this wasn’t so scripted it’d be fun. Jax immediately starts spreading it around Sur. Lala runs to James with the story. This naturally turns into a loud argument between Jax and James. James calls himself a rockstar. He’s a drunken mess. James confronts the waitress. They start loudly arguing in the restaurant. And cue Lisa. Her manager fills her in on what happened. She asks to see James and he gets loud and arrogant with her. He tells her, “You’re obviously feeding into what everybody else is telling you. And I don’t appreciate that.” This might actually be the end of the road for James Kennedy. But no. Lisa just sends him back to his DJ booth. They’re going to drag this out all season.
Tom Schwartz decides to ask Ariana to be a groomsman. He knows exactly why Katie doesn’t want her in the wedding and he’s doing it anyway. Le sigh. Schwartz follows his script and asks. Ariana follows her script and accepts. But first she eats ass steak. Oh, these crazy kids!
James visits Sandoval at the bar. Sandoval is concerned about him but he’s the VPR MVP, or so he says. He knows his job is safe. Lisa and Ken catch him and get angry at Sandoval for not keeping him in line. Then he starts yelling at them in front of the restaurant. Ken gets angry. James cries. Ken yells, “You little fucker! I’ll knock you spark out!” Ken doesn’t suffer fools who disrespect Lisa. The next day, James has to visit Villa Rosa for a sitdown with Lisa. She fires him! He’s not even allowed to step foot in Sur or Pump. He thinks being “indefinitely fired forever” is crazy. I mean, he’s James Kennedy. The golden boy. So he blames it on Jax and the waitress because, idiot. He tries to cry and play on Lisa’s emotions but she’s done. “Go,” she tells him. Good bye, James. Good bye, James’ Pump CD. Good bye, James’ Beemer. Good bye.
Next week: TT will be back to tell you all about Sandoval blaming Jax for James’ firing and Katie finding out about Tom Schwartz’s Ariana betrayal.
Someone please find Tom Schwartz”s balls! I wish he would stand up to Katie. Jeez I can’t stand that chick.
Me neither. She acts like she’s in first grade along with the other three. I wish LALA had her own show. I’m about to stop watching pump rules because of the Perry stuff. Lala is the one with everything going on.
I give that marriage under 2 years.
Lisa VP claiming she would not enable James was a joke. CreepY LA version of elf on a shelf obviously had booze issues. She had no.problem enabling him for the past 3 years.
Lol! Elf on a shelf!?
God Katie is insufferable. Everything about her annoys the F out of me. Did anyone catch how the camera lingered on her stuffing her face after the fight with Tom. #shade
Yes! She was cramming it in. She’s so rude and irritating :/
Haha. I think those girls better get off the ganja. 😉 And the booze. I imagine that actually waiting tables kept the bulge at bay, but as they get older, and probably spend less time serving, it’s starting to take a toll.
Adderall will counter the effects of weed. And keep you skinny. I’m pretty sure they’re all taking it, except possibly Katie.
She was stuffing it with dry iceburg lettuce no less! She is an insufferable selfish bore. Ugh. 12 months more that be all it takes for that marriage to hit the rocks!
Omg i just watched the part of the camera zooming in on her stuffing her face. That was so ice cold. To her credit, it was salad.
I wondered if that was intentional. She is really annoying and entitled. Such a mean girl..Tom should run.
I did. She will only get bigger a a bigger due to her over eating. She was eating out of frustration. Not a good sign.
Thank you for a great recap, The Lady Cocotte.
I know the deed is done but I find myself yelling to the TV at Tom Schwartz to run! Run and never look back!
“I wonder where Lisa learned that phrase…”
So. Much. SHADE. And I love it. Brava, LC.
These ppl are so bad I am embarrassed to comment, but how does Katie think being black out drunk is an excuse for bad behavior? That relationship is so sad on so many levels. What do they actually get from each other? Tom will be blown away when the day comes in his life when Katie is long gone and he finds a stable, loving relationship with someone.
Great recap, The Lady Cocotte! Thank you.
I usually can’t stand Scheana, but I really felt bad for her when the bitches were attacking her. It was so mean girls. I don’t know why she lowers herself to be friends with them.
James believes his own hype and got just what he deserved — to be fired!
Scheana had it coming. She should have told Katie she’s a grown woman and can be friends with anyone she so desires. These women act like they are in middle school. Perhaps Scheana needs to take several steps back to clearly see these so called friends for what they really are – tired harpies.
I have started to hate Katie. She is doing the same thing to Scheana that the bitch Stossi did to Katie. You can only be friends with the people that I am friends with or you are not my friend. Tom should not marry her. He is miserable with her. And why exactly is Stossi back on the show. It makes me want to stop watching.
Eh, generally I agree you don’t need to share all the same friends or opinions as your friends, but, if one person was calling me fat, a slob, etc. I would be hurt if one of my friends was still
close with them. I would not remain friends with a person who treated another friend of mine that way. It’s about being a disgusting person and finding that behavior gross, not about needing my friends to agree with me on everyone.
Me too.
Katie, stassi, Kristen – three miserable bitches. As bitchy as she is – stassi at least has some wit and some screen presence — who let Katie have the ‘queen bee’ story arc this year? Watching the three of them gang up on scheana was sadder than sad. Wish scheana would cut them loose – but so long as the producers seem to be on team Katie that’s not in her best interest. Lala seems fun to me and I like watching her shenanigans – but I don’t get how she tolerates james. Jax, Kentucky, Ariana, Sandoval, Schwartz and lala are all giving me what I want from this show – a ridiculous slice of La life and restaurant drama. The three bitches bore me endlessly.
I wish bravo would take note and re-cast. We need a new younger generation with some of the above popping in from time to time
Agreed. Lala is entertaining. She is what you would imagine a 20 something girl in LA behaves and lives. The other bi-atches on the other hand are mid-30s and still haven’t gotten their shit together. It’s embarrassing.
I agree.
I just literally cannot with James. He is living in someone’s living room, behind a partition, he “dj’s” (barely) at a restaurant, and he thinks he’s “winning” so much everyone is jealous of him and is “hating”. lmao. Delusion, thy name is James Kennedy.
On a serious note, he does seem to have a drinking problem and for that he has my compassion and I hope he gets help. He is out of control, that is a hallmark sign of an issue. Continuing to drink despite all negative consequences.
Katie and Tom are doomed. I like them both, but you have nothing in a relationship, nevermind marriage, if you cannot communicate. She jumps down his throat, he stuffs his feelings and placates her, and that is not healthy. That is not how two people soon to be married should be acting. The fact he told the therapist he has doubts then adamantly denied it to Katie, so dishonest. Katie seems to get downright abusive when drunk and I don’t blame Schwartz for thinking some of what comes out is based in truth, it probably is, and thereby being affected by it. If you repeatedly say abusive things to your spouse when drunk, they don’t need to get used to it, or over it, you need to stop DRINKING and doing it. Period. If they’ve been together this long and this is still their dynamic, I don’t see it changing. I hope I’m wrong.
Great recap, Lady C. Tom and Katie don’t even like each other mind getting married. Katie is all about the wedding and the attention it brings. Sadly, many girls are like this.
I agree. Imagine how bad it feels to have blown tens of thousands of dollars on a huge party, only to find yourself unhappily married afterward with no more attention? lol. Rude awakening.
Must be great to be you.
Great recap. I always read the recaps before watching the shows. (Also read the last page of a book first), just me. Looking forward to the episode. Thanks. (Lately, this is probably my favorite of the shows)
Katie knows everyone will kiss her ass all season because being in her wedding = screen time. So she’s being extra cunty this season.
do we know the extent that Bravo paid for the wedding? I’m sure they did – right? I think they sunk a lot of money on the wedding and therefore are trying to make Katie the star. That chick is no star. Lala nailed it – she’s a blob (not the most eloquent descriptor but so, so accurate).
Katie is just a horrible human being. Frankly, a fat bully. I like the show, it’s always excelled at making me feel smugly ecstatic about my own life, but I’m sick of her being so much of the focus this season. Bride to be…blah, blah, blah…who exactly made her Queen Bee?! And her two Minions, who fell out of her grace and had to beg and claw their way back into it….they are just as annoying and irritating as she is. Scheana should run, not walk, away from those 3 sociopaths and never, EVER look back! I like Lala…..hell, I want to go back to my 20’s and BE her! (Minus that creepy, cross-eyed, arrogant stick figure named James – eeeeeuuuuwwww! I seriously wouldn’t do him with SOMEBODY ELSE’S vagina!! Yuck!!)
Everybody else in the show is at the least tolerable and sometimes even humorous/endearing. So I will keep watching and keep appreciating my own life!
Thank you Lady Cocoette! Wonderful recap! I used to love this show but I just can’t handle the scripted crap, although I don’t believe Katie’s cuntiness is scripted. Run Tom, RUN!
It’s scripted? NOOOOOOOOOO!
Well, duh.
We make similar comments about what we see on shows like “The Walking Dead”. But odd, no one ever comments there that we are stupid because the show is scripted.
Why is that?
Great recap! Thanks for filling in for Tamara. I want more Kristin, more of Lala’s shenanigans and more Jax being his old dickhead cheating self! This group is overdue for a cast change. There seems to be an unending supply of beautiful 20 somethings at both restaurants. Use the boys at Pump for God’s sake!
Lisa always was good at choosing hot staff. You should’ve seen her boys at Shadow in London. OOFFT! That said, I believe Cedric was one of them originally, so maybe all looks no substance. Although you don’t need substance from the bar candy if you’re a patron. *pervy face*
Sorry I disagree.
So far I’m loving this season.
Oh and Tom Schwartz has always been a [email protected]*! $y.
I love the recap. James…what do do? Fired? for How long! I would have him doing pony land swan clean up duty at LVP’s for a few weeks. .sans gloves and mucking boots!
Those girls were so despicable, why any one would want to associate with THEM is beyond me. It is not a “school” thing, these girls are in there 30’s and should be starting to grow out of their training bras. It is so disheartening. Katie was so much better when Stassi wasn’t around. These three are not good for each other at all. I think there is still a glimmer of hope for Scheanna if she can solidly reconnect with Arianna again.
I agree Schwartz should run for the hills and never look back. I actually like Tom Schwartz, I think he has a really good heart and soul. This may be scripted on one hand but truly that little talk between him and Katie was very revealing I thought. I think she is off the rails and is emotion eating. I think he is hoping there is a way out and hopes she will be the one to end it. There are red flags all over the place here.
I also like, the Tom’s , Arianna, Brittney, Lala and wish they would form a new group. Those Leona Helmsley wanna be’s have to go.
I don’t care too much for James but I surely want him to get help. He is spiraling and maybe Lisa saw some good in him and that is why she kept him on. He has that big fish little pond syndrome and he cannot handle it.
Great recap Lady C!!!!!
Lisa kept James on because she’s friends with Mommy.
Yikes! I’m having a hard time watching this season. It seems like the old timers are living a strained, barely believable version of their lives. And they are marginal actors. Watching Katie and Tom is such a sad bummer. I’m really hoping that Katie and James get some help with their substance abuse. James is just very hard to watch and I even felt bad for Lala and her pay for play policy. Mostly because she’s just so young. I think a dose of catty Kirsten and Stassi would go a ways in perking things up. It’s an interesting trajectory. At some point the reality tv premise is corrupted because they’re all paid tv personalities. I liked the “struggling artist waiting tables” a little better.
The real story should be about Katie being made to face what a bitch she is being. Somehow I don’t think anyone is going to have a come to Jesus with her. It should be Schwartz who does it.
I feel bad for Scheanna! I think she’s totally lost. She looks so miserable! She doesn’t have any real support. She’s alienated from her husband, and her friends are not her real friends. You know those times when you’ve found yourself spending time with all the wrong people? She can’t be herself. The weight loss and botox just look awful! Poor girl.
I waited a day & it’s still true…James is fired! That makes me sad ONLY because that young man is good television… He says it like it is, albeit a bit/a lot on the rude side & he has that British sense of humor. I have to admit I do love how James torments Jax…lol, Who BTW should be fired for many many reasons but I don’t think he is ever sober enough (from any kind of drug “allegedly”) to understand what an ass he makes of himself every episode.This may be why LVP has let James get away with so much because how does explain Jax still working there?
Katie needs to have a seat and re-watch last season ep6, when she sat on Kristen’s couch and said “You have to forgive someone when they apologize to you” (like Lala did to you Katie?) & then Scheana (the actual not alleged “Sugar Baby” like they accuse Lala of being) says “No one tells me who I can be friends with” #HypocritesMuch #TheyGotStassied Scheana is a hypocrite always! She will never be LVP like she thinks she will be… NEVER!
I love Tom Schwartz, he is so kind & I hope after Katie watches this season with him, they work out their issues. I hope Katie see’s the Stassi light, unplugs it & goes back to Katie of last season
Ok,
I can’t stand these “chicks!” I can’t they are such hypocrites and the worst part is they are not that young!
Wtf is wrong with Sheana(sp) ? Does she not remember being odd girl out for being with Eddie? I mean, Do they have PROOF that LaLa is screwing a married man? If not then they need to stfu.
Poor Tom!! I could see if he and Katie had children but they don’t! Dude run!!! She is an emasculating drunken c**t! And the Audrianna thing is going to be bad. I see Katie flames already.
If Kentucky does marry Jaxs she is an idiot walking! Bad enough she got those stupid boob! (Trust me I know I am a natural J size and want to hack em off). I wish she had some one out here to guide her away from these losers! Wish Lisa would take her under her wing like Scheana!
I love Love Ken!!! He doesn’t care if you are male or female young or old, if you mess with his queen supreme he will knock you down to size! I loved James crying that Ken was frightening him and he doesn’t like it when he is mad at him. Guess he can only be an Ass to women! PUSSY!!
I am so glad he is fired and stays that way!
This show is nowhere near the “entertainment” it was the first few years…I think the reason is, without trying to sound too much like the biotches themselves explain it, their “history” together made it real…eight to ten years of hanging out/being friends/dating/working together really made a difference. Now it’s not clear what Kristen and Stassi do since they left SUR. They need to show an update on Stassi’s so-called “statement necklaces” and Kristen’s t-shirts. And what does Carter do? Also, what happened to Peter’s gf, has anyone seen her this season or him say anything about it? I hate it when someone is introduced to viewers as if they are going to be around, then disappear and no one even acknowledges it…i.e., Haley, Jim Edmonds’ ‘ daughter from a previous marriage, was a big part of Meghan’s storyline last season and nada this season…the “hypoallergenic” dogs at the Dubrow’s rental house, who were on one episode then never again…wtf? Anyhoo this whole mean girls clique thing is just so tired and old…do Katie and Scheana have those short of memories when it was done to them and how they have said they will make their own decisions, etc. etc. I am sure Tom Schwartz liked Katie better when Stassi was NOT around, that is when he proposed, etc. and they sure are NOT getting along this season…not a good sign for an upcoming marriage. I so wish Kate would get that when a man opens up about something like going to therapy, it is a GOOD thing….to me I would rather my man discuss any of his/our issues with an objective PROFESSIONAL – and they must be – rather than mutual friends, which is uncomfortable. Hope this season gets better and fast – so far it is BS.
Sure everyone saw statement from scheana about there divorce?
Lady C, great recap. I feel sorry for Scheana, she and her husband are not together, then the girls have decided to turn on her. Stassi shouldn’t have come back to the show.
Katie’s man hands, AhOooh werewolves of weho. Morphing.
Thanks for all your great re-caps My Lady. I don’t know who decided it would be a brilliant idea to make the story line this season revolve around Katie. She’s a nasty, “mean girl” who commits the even worse crime of being intolerably boring. Stassi, although equally mean and petty was at least interesting to watch because she was witty and Kristen’s special brand of crazy (season’s past) was anything but boring. Katie is just a clueless blob who never graduated from Middle School.
I can’t believe NO ONE mentioned how Katie showed that lettuce into her mouth during the therapist talk with Schwartz. Am I the only one who noticed?