Tonight we begin with part one of a three part bitchfest where grown women attack and insult each other for hours on end. Are you looking forward to this? Are you excited to hear about Tamra Judge’s Christian kindness and her role on the show as peacemaker? Oh I am not kidding. That’s straight out of the PR for this episode. Did I mention Tamra is being investigated by the FBI for posting photos of Vicki’s bare breasts on the Internet. Tonight we have the cunt de trois on the left, and the slightly more redeemable three (at least this season) on the right. Cover me, I’m going in!
Andy asks Vicki if she got an eyejob. She said “OMG of course I did, doesn’t it look fantastic?” She got it during filming and was only out for four days and no one noticed at the time. Then we move to Shannon who got an emergency cupping treatment to prepare for the show and we get to see her fat back with all the red circles on it. Ridiculous.
Thankfully, they are talking about Brooks again. No need to recap this. But apparently, in Ireland Vicki said she wants to see Brooks after she dies in heaven and allegedly called him her soul mate. She’s clearly not over him. But we have bigger fish to fry, Andy, let’s move on!
Vicki takes issue with Heather saying Vicki probably sent the flowers from Steve to herself. Heather says it was funny. No, it was mean. Heather says it was funny and she knows because she is Jewish. I think she forgot she is the unfunny Jew.
Shannon wines about Vicki. Vicki drops her line, “If you don’t like it, get off my show.” I agree with Vicki she’s got 11 years of time put in. She is not going anywhere. Andy will never fire her. Deal with it or move on.
Tamra says since her baptism her relationship with her friends is stronger, she has a new outlook on life, she is the peacekeeper and she is more forgiving. Andy asks Kelly if she thinks she is Tamra is a good Christian. She says no, she is two-faced and would be nice to her and then talk crap behind her back. Tamra said she was nice to her until she couldn’t put up with her crap anymore. I’ve read the Bible a few times actually and I don’t recall that is how being a good Christian works. There is a bizarre exchange where Tamra chastises Kelly for calling her a dumb fuck because she had no idea what she was talking about. Tamra says she would never do that. Does she not remember the montage from five minutes ago where she was screaming and spitting at Vicki telling her to shut up?
Meghan and the Baby
After several seasons of shaming her husband Terry for his poor parenting, and moments before saying Terry was absent from almost all of her IVF treatments, a viewer asks Meghan if she thinks Jim will be a hands on Dad or a Terry Dubrow dad and Heather is offended and starts talking about what a great dad Terry is. Because we are 29 minutes in and barring the initial greeting Andy hasn’t asked her a thing and she is desperate for an opening, no matter how illogical. Andy asks about the frozen embryos Heather and Terry had left over and she says they are immortalized in the etched glass in the new monstrosity they have sort of moved into. For a moment we thought she had suspended the embryos in glass. But it’s just that dumb etching she had made to represent the family. Andy still wants to buy one of her Jewish eggs.
Finally, Andy realizes that this is Meghan’s segment and asks about the lost egg. Meghan cries. She’s really hormonal. Meghan gets now that her bond will be different with her own kid, but would still throw herself under a bus for any of her step kids.
Andy says that Kelly is one of the most polarizing housewives ever. Kelly says, “Thank you, wow,” but I don’t think she knows what it means. It is a good thing for a housewife though to be equally loved and hated. And for bloggers as well. 🙂
Kelly says her only regret was how she treated her husband. Andy asks if she regrets how she treated anyone else. She does not. Kelly and Michael watched together and talked about it. Michael was really angry about the second episode where she told everyone about his diagnosis.
Next we talk about Mrs. Roper setting Kelly up at the 70s party. It was really clear that it was. Shannon can’t even answer Andy’s direct questions about it. Even Tamra admitted it was a set-up. Shannon tells Kelly not to flatter herself, why would she have a party just to set her up. I know why, Shannon was furious about the University of Spoiled Children comment and about Kelly supporting Vicki. There is no way she knew those two trollops at the party that were taking jabs as Kelly. And we talk about Vicki and David’s altercation. A viewer asks if David is that aggressive when he talks to her. She says absolutely not. Andy says to Shannon, ” You can see how it looks like you set her up.” Kelly doesn’t feel bad for saying, “No wonder your husband cheated on you!” I get it. It’s been said by many of us here for years.
Shannon, who doesn’t want Kelly to be flattered to think she set her up at a party (and several other occasions) starts rattling off dates and times of her relationship during the two years she was separated from David. She told us about him on the show, she was engaged but David would not grant her a divorce. Shannon literally has some sort of timeline with dates and activities about that two-year period in Kelly’s life. But no, Shannon is not deranged. Andy asks Shannon why she cares so much? Shannon says it about the poor children. Andy is like, WTF, you don’t know these people and they are not on the show.
As Shannon’s desperate disavowals of a set up mercifully near the end, Shannon says, “I don’t manufacture drama.” I thought everyone was pretty low key except for Shannon. So far so good.
Well that wasn’t nearly as bad as last night’s RHONJ Reunion in my opinion. What did you think?