Tonight snuck up on me. I didn’t realize the season premiere of RHOA and the first half of the RHONJ reunion were both on tonight. I’m not ready for all this! But, ready or not here we go!
We start off with Kandi and Todd waking up with Ace. Ace seems like the best kid. He’s very quiet and happy. Kandi is potty training Ace very, very early. It sounds weird, but it seems to be working for her. She did it with her other child as well. She also started a business for him right away selling all sorts of baby products. That Kandi is never one to leave a dollar on the table if she can pick it up. Kandi isn’t overly impressed with Todd’s contributions to the child rearing. However, Todd Instagram is all Ace all the time, so not quite sure how true that is.
Cynthia goes to see a divorce attorney. She claims there has been no infidelity on either side. Oh, Cynthia… just say it. And she says the issue is her. This has been her mantra while on press tour the last couple of weeks. She says she is just not wife material. I do not believe that. She claims she will not ever be in a relationship again that it takes a lawyer to get her out of. That’s what they all say. The lawyer says it could be done in six months. They have a prenup. She just wants the house which is in her name. Cynthia is sad. And gorgeous. So gorgeous. There is a heartbreaking scene of her crying in her car after the meeting.
Cynthia calls to talk to Peter about the prenup. Peter is being an ass, saying he is with his girlfriend and then saying his new girlfriend is the club.
Porsha has a new fake anger management coach as part of her contract. I am not sure I can even recap this stupidity. She claims she has been going for a couple of months. I don’t believe her. Porsha says she contemplated suicide in high school over bullying. I don’t believe her.
Whenever I start to feel bad about my upper arms I’m just going to look at this photo of Phaedra. That said he has the best house, of all of them if you ask me. Best location on a little cul-de-sac where her boys play with the neighbors, reasonable size. It’s nice.
That said, here we go AGAIN with Phaedra claiming she has filed for divorce. I have some really good courthouses sources who assure me that has not happened. This is why I didn’t jump on the band wagon the other day when Phaedra told some podcaster her divorce was final. I think she is just saying that because she is going to hook up with guys this season and she wants people to think she has at least filed. But no.
OMG! I had forgotten about the Cinderella horse and carriage in Phaedra’s neighborhood and all the confusion about why no one was in it. Now we know. It was an invitation to Kenya’s housewarming. There was a not on the invite saying,”Please be sure your plus one is hot, and not a THOT. ” #ShadyInvitation Even though they both know the invite is specifically saying that the Queen of THOTlandia is not invited, Phaedra quickly invites her.
Kenya still has some work to do on Moore Manor in the film we are seeing now. As she talks up through the process, she takes her first shot at Porsha in her talking head. If you recall most of the housewives are furious that Porsha was allowed back on the show after assaulting two people last season. Moore Manor has five bedrooms, five and a half baths, a theater, it’s 6,000. I still think that is was to big for Kenya. But these housewives seem to love paying property taxes and air conditioning bills. Her floors are gorgeous. Kenya is living in the house during the final phase of construction to supervise. Unlike, her “faux neighbor” as she calls Sheree. Kenya is on her construction workers right up behind them checking their work and twirling in their bulldozers. That is what you have to do.
Right away we talk about her breakup with Matt, which is sad because they broke up just days before filming started. It was super hard on her and she had to go straight from Mexico to NYC to film Worst Cooks. Kenya says it has been at least a month since she has seen Matt in person and she broke up with him. As I reported things went terribly wrong on the Mexican vacation they took to get a bit of beach time in before the show started up again. Matt had a jealous rage in Mexico and was checking her phone to see who she was texting, then he kicked in the door to the hotel room and started grabbing all of her things and throwing them everywhere. He lost all control.
We cut to some film of Mama Joyce sweeping the dirt in front of Chateau Sheree. What? That is Sheree? Am I the only one that thinks Sheree looks like Mama Joyce with this hair?
We walk inside the house! Finally, on the filming you are seeing that is edited in with no people was taken just last week after the housewarming. They are trying to make it look like Sheree is catching up to Kenya but that never happened. Kenya’s was completed months before Sheree’s. This is production’s big story line though and all season long production encouraged these women to fight over whose house was closer to completion and to put each others house down. I see there is a room labeled at The
Library Lieberry But I am not sure where that could possibly be. Only the back of the house has any real windows to speak of. It looks like the great room all over again. I’m really not sure where the lieberry went. There were no shelves built in to the lieberry we saw. I think I saw a Speak N Spell sitting in the middle of the floor though. We were not shown the rollin’ rink. We were shown the choppy oddly shaped closets. Now y’all can finally see what I was talking about with this place. It’s sort of like a fun house at the circus in there. Very oddly shaped rooms.
We get to see Kairo’s room, where he will be hooked up with… wait, he is off to college. It’s a guest room. Then we see Kaleigh’s room, again with photos from just a few weeks ago spliced in because those railing JUST went up. Kaliegh is a senior in high school. None of these people will ever live in this house. However, I did hear that Sheree might be moving in because “her lease is up” at her apartment. That has to be scary as hell living on and empty house near a public bus stop along in and empty house. I doubt she will do that for more than a night or two. The last shot of the house is hen the railings were just beginning to be installed. Tierra has no fake bedroom. Sheree tells us in a confessional that Tierra can continue to live in Townhouse Tierra and leave Chateau Sheree to her. That didn’t stop her from putting the Chateau in Tierra’s name back when she was playing musical chairs with whose name is on the title. Tierra is also the kid she denied having on the first season and introduced her as her friend. When Sheree takes the call from Kenya in the closet, I am busy trying to see if that is water damage in her closet. Maybe, maybe not. I promise you we will not get to see the basement. Kenya throws some shade to us saying that she would have sent Sheree’s invitation by horse-drawn carriage but she doesn’t know where she lives? A tent in the woods maybe?
Bob will be back to play the role of aggressive suitor, despite living with a woman who claims to be married to him.
Kenya’s house looks gorgeous and is full of Georgia granite that is beautiful. Cynthia talks with Kenya before the guests arrive. Kenya cries about Matt who sent apology balloons to her. Balloons. See? That right there is the problem.
There are tons of people at the housewarming and they parked on the street and a van took most people right to the door. Sheree on the other hand makes a huge production out of walking the driveway and then seems to be having hot flashes while taking to Cynthia who standing there cool as a cucumber. She goes to stand on the air conditioning vent. I should point out that last I heard her HVAC in her monstrosity was not working. Probably since the Great Flood of 2014 if it was ever installed at all. I hate Kenya’s white jumpsuit. It doesn’t fit her properly. Did she get bigger implants?
When Kenya talks to Sheree, they are polite at first but then Kenya says “It’s been a long, hard road. I can’t imagine what five years feels like.” And that sets Sheree off. She says it’s only been four years since she broke ground. Not true. She says this whole house is the size of her master suite. Sheree is so delusional. Then they talk about who all is invited. Kenya says Porsha is not because the last time they were together she beat down her former stylist in the alley. I wish we could see the artwork Kenya’s house. I really don’t understand the legal issues with showing artwork. I know there are some, it just doesn’t make sense to me.
We meet Lena who arrives with Kandi. It sucks to film the whole damn season and then get cut. Her scene is in here so I guess she is still a friend. Sheree throws all sorts of shade about Kenya having work to do. Girl, you better hope they CGI some appliances into your housewarming party.
By the time Phaedra and her THOT plus one arrive, it’s dark. This thing started at like 3 pm and it was June. As they are coming in, Kenya has pulled Kandi aside to speak with her upstairs. As she is walking downstairs with Kandi and Lena after the conversation we did not see, Sheree is whoo hooing and acting a fool because Porsha is there.
To be continued….