As if my day could not be any more traumatic, I am about to watch Bethenny Frankel on Steve Harvey. Forgive me if I make this as painless for myself as possible. Surely it can’t be any worse than that time Shannon Beador was on emasculating David Beador on her cheating revenge tour, can it?
Steve starts out his introduction talking about Bethenny’s “25 million dollar empire.” I am waiting to see if Bethenny explains to him how low his numbers are. Does no one fact check on this show? Then he starts with the broken home story. He says “then she tried pageants, and when that didn’t work out….” that cracked me up. There was a very unflattering photo of young Bethenny with the old chin and face up while he was doing this.
I’ve been meaning to talk to you guys about Bethenny’s eyes. She has crazier eyes than Ramona at this point. Is that an Adderall thing? Check out her IG and you will see what I mean. She says she is very happy. If you click that link you will see this is her new mantra. Which is fine, it’s just I don’t believe her. She has rescued two new dogs recently that look a lot like Cookie if Cookie was white. They also don’t look like rescues. Perhaps she rescued them from a breeder. Their names are Biggie and Smalls.
Bethenny talks about her first venture, Bethenny Bakes. She says she put about $50K into that business and it failed. Bethenny says the silver lining was that she didn’t go into Whole Foods and Target because “she wasn’t ready.” She didn’t want to waste her chance at those stores. Newflash, Bethenny wants nothing more than to be in Whole Foods. She got in with her Skinny Girl margarita briefly in a few stores in 2011. However, Whole Foods removed the product that Bethenny touts as “the margarita you can trust” with “all natural ingredients” and “no preservatives” when they discovered the product contains the preservative sodium benzoate that may become carcinogenic if mixed with vitamin C. In true dramatic fashion Bethenny implied that Whole Foods was inconsequential and made statements equivalent to “they didn’t fire me I quit.” We shall see if they ever take her back. I’d guess she is blackballed.
Next she talked about being on The Apprentice with Martha Stewart, where again her antics were fodder for tabloid rumors. I should point out here that Steve has a new book out called Jump. The book is about making the jump into entrepreneurship so they are going through all of her “jumps.” Anyway Bethenny makes a huge point of saying that Martha was only on the show for one season. You know, kind of like Bethenny’s failed talk show. Bethenny goes into great detail about
her hatred for Martha. She says this was right when Martha got out of prison and she was going to take over for Donald and Mark Burnett was saying it was going to be the biggest show ever. She says Martha failed too! Everybody big fails too! Did I mention Martha failed? Because Martha Stewart is a failure! This is kind of hilarious. Bethenny doesn’t say she failed here, she says she came in second. Ask Abby Lee Miller about second place. Bethenny says she used that experience “to get into magazines” something she clearly can’t get enough of, and to get on the Today show. I really think you have to be born with some gene that makes being in magazines and on TV such an important life goal. I don’t understand the attraction and place a high value on my privacy.
So she moved on from those two failures to her first big success, says Steve, RHONY. Bethenny herself says if getting drunk and yelling at people is a success, then sure. Bethenny says she was in the Hamptons at this exclusive polo event when she was approached to be on Manhattan Moms, the fake name that the RHONY is filmed under. Side note that is still what they do, the RHOD was supposed to be a show about charities and the Southern Charm that is supposed to be filming in New Orleans is called something else, I forget what. They always do this. She said the producers really wanted her even though she was single. She was supposed to do be this “question mark character sort of like Carrie Bradshaw.” Um okay. Bethenny says she wasn’t interested. BWAHAHAHAHAHHAHA. This is such an alternate reality to everything I have heard. This woman’s revisionist history (IN MY OPINION) is quite entertaining. Do go on, Bethenny. Basically, she came around and decided to do it to promote her products. Pretty sure those came later, but okay. She says it was the best business decision she ever made.
Next we get to the SkinnyGirl promotion we have all seen before. But, I must say I am amazed at her success. I can’t believe she doesn’t have SkinnyGirl tampons yet. You cannot detract from Bethenny’s business savvy and her enormous success. Her product line continues to grow. And she is funny. She talks about how she liked margaritas but there was hell to pay the next day from all the sugar and alcohol and the whole. “who’s this guy?” with a quick turn to her right at the imaginary lover from the night before. The audience cracks up. Again, Bethenny brings up Carrie Bradshaw and how she made the cosmopolitan popular. Did she? I dunno. Bethenny is um, very alert, as she tells the story about how hard it was to get the business going, problems with bottles from China, the label not being accepted, a myriad of things and she was like a dog with a bone getting things done. I believe her and I know just a tiny fraction about how many plates are spinning when you run a business. I admire Bethenny’s chutzpah. I really do. I think she is a remarkable business woman. Bethenny says she is not sitting back filing her nails, it is hard work and she is still working hard.
Next a woman from the audience wants to quit her job with benefits and security to make 3-D cakes. I know what you are thinking. Aren’t all cakes 3-D? Well, yes, yes they are. What she does is make cakes in the shape of people or handbags or whatever shape you need. We see her cake skills. Her handbag cake was really good. She’s been on all kinds of reality show on Food Network and such. She’s made a birthday cake for Steve almost ten years ago. This is such a contrived storyline. Later, a Food Network judge comes out to encourage her. Bethenny weighs in with her advice. Steve gave everyone samples of the cake before the show. 92% of the audience said she should take the jump. She decides to set out on her own. Steve gives her a check for $10,000. I really wish Bethenny would have piped up and said she would match it. That would have been some good PR for her.
So that’s what ha-happened.