This one is going to be a bit slow because I’m exhausted from my last-minute Halloween endeavors that I will catch you up on in the Halloween post when I get the chance.
We start in St. Louis at what they are calling Jim and Meghan’s “second house in St. Louis. It’s actually their first house where they primarily live. Now that Meghan is having a baby she seems to be having it there and I believe she will not sign a contract for another season and live happily in St. Louis with her baby happy as a clam. At least I hope so. I liked her this season and I don’t want her to stay so long as to become like the other monsters she works with.
On the other hand this is the dumbest scene ever. Didn’t we already go through the whole thing where they lost their only male egg and the female is the only one left? Am I mixing this up with some of the many other in vitro processes that I know way too much information about? Why are we cutting open a cake to find out the gender with Meghan’s mother, father and her sister. I just realized they live in St. Louis too, so she is definitely not coming back to Orange County. It’s kind of a shame with her redemption arc this season, but at least she is leaving with her head held high.
I’m trying to stop liking Vicki but I just can’t. Perhaps by the end of the episode? I see her and I just know she is going to do stupid shit. And it’s funny. I have no problem disliking Brianna. She is meeting Brianna and Michael and Brianna’s interior designer. Who needs an interior designer when they are supposed to be a nurse with health problems. There is nothing to design yet. Who doesn’t want to pick out their own furnishings? I do not get this.
Vicki talks with Brianna again about Tamra. Brianna decides she is going to have to be the buffer between them at the finale. Vicki talks about staging the house. Noe. You stage an empty house with other people’s furniture to sell it. You furnish your own damn house.
David is so pussy whipped that I think the whatever happened that made Shannon call the cops and have him arrested must have been just some sort of straw that broke the camel’s back explosion. Shannon and David talk about how horrible Vicki is for being such a liar. She may be horrible but she didn’t lie about these two. There are police reports.
The Finale Party
This must be epic be cause we are going straight to it after only 15 minutes of the episode. Kelly and Meghan are going together. Kelly is getting along a lot better with Michael that makes me happy. Meghan was freaked out by Heather’s insane drunken whispering to her about Kelly on the bus to the airport in Ireland. She held her face while whispering hateful things about Kelly for a creepily long time.
The chin hair insult really got to everyone. Myself included. Shannon says that Meghan and Tamra both came home and shaved their face. Eddie who is not gay, picked out a lovely pair of Louis Vuitton heels for Tamra. Just like every straight man in America, he did an excellent job. When Tamra asks him for help deciding between a dress he dutifully follows her to her closet while joking, “I dunno, you’d have to ask a gay guy.” I think a bi one would work in a pinch also.
In the car ride over with Terry, Heather says that she heard that Kelly doesn’t think she owes anyone an apology because she was ganged up on. Heather says that is a joke. It was actually to me, the worst instance of bullying (and I don’t use the term loosely) I have ever seen. I have taught many a lesson on bullying and this would be the perfect tape to roll to teens or adults on the subject. There were the bullies and the bystanders and the victim. And people were afraid to stand up to the bullies. And the bullies were drunk out of their minds. Vicki’s bystander comment about being afraid to speak up or she would be next in is the “teaching about bullies 101 handbook.” Oh and every week Heather has told the people who are pummeling her in social media that next week’s episode will exonerate her from her horrific behavior. Heather says she has seen who they are now. And Heather, we have seen who you are now. And it ain’t pretty.
Vicki has written cards to some if not all of the bullies apologizing and begging for forgiveness.
It’s time for the bulima party! Finally. We have been in the car on the way for a full fifteen minutes of the show. Shannon’s rental is stunning. Tamra eats two Krispy Kremes as soon as she sees them.
The three witches gossip about Vicki. Tamra talks about her sending a video of Eddie coming up to congratulate her on her win and she says she wanted to send back a reply that said simply, #NotSoGay. Vicki gives Shannon a hostess gift with a card with her apology. Tamra lies to Vicki and says she didn’t get the video. Shannon tells us in confessional that whatever Vicki has to say she can say to her face. All three women shun her. Which is fine, Vicki deserves it.
Since Vicki is being shunned she chats with Meghan and Kelly when they come in. Did Meghan just say she is thinking of “Hallow” for a baby name?
I cannot understand why the three witches feel like THEY are owed an apology. Did they black out and not remember their behavior? Didn’t Tamra literally spit in Vicki’s face? Heather is beyond offended that Kelly is not going to apologize to her. For what? Kelly was sober and trying to sleep on the bus and Heather berated her with her witchy index finger poking the air in Kelly’s personal space. I don’t understand this sense of sanctimony. Oh apparently it is because Kelly said that Jews are usually funny and Heather has no sense of humor.
Meghan talks to the witches and says she did hang out with Kelly and she thinks Kelly wants to apologize for being mean. Then Heather said Kelly thinks she was being ganged up on. Meghan says, well she was. Shannon continues to deny the multiple times she set Kelly up this season. I was willing to consider that some were a coincidence but the Mrs. Roper party was Shannon’s first set up and the drink ordering in Ireland was another no doubt about it set up. Meghan tells Heather that Kelly thinks she was meddling. Meghan says she agrees with Kelly and she likes Kelly. YES! Meghan is a bystander no more.
Tamra starts giving out gifts. She starts with Kelly, who she assaulted in Ireland. She says so remember when ” I like kinda pushed you and the cops almost came? ” Flashback to Heather saying to Kelly because of what just happened with you an Tamra I was thrown out of the store. Kelly says, “She hit me.” Heather says, ” I don’t care.” How is it Kelly’s fault Tamra assaulted TWO people in the department store? Tamra gives her a t-shirt that has sort a mugshot of her with the charge of “public drunkeness.” Kelly laughs it off. Kelly does have an alcohol problem but we’ve had many more season’s about Tamra’s alcohol issues. Shannon is mad the Kelly was not offended by the shirt. Everyone got them. Heather’s said “Being too fancy” or something mild and you can tell she is not amused even though she cackles. Tamra has one for Vicki that she thinks is really going to hurt her. She is drinking alone with her new man. Vicki’s says her charge is lying. She laughs it off.
Kelly tries to make amends with Shannon over her “miscommunication.” No Kelly. Don’t soft pedal this one. In fact don’t make amends with this bitch. She started it, you finished it. She pushed you over and over for days in a foreign country where you had few safe harbors and you lashed out with something mean. But they were facts. So fuck her. I have no doubt she did tell Vicki that. As I restart the show, it seems Shannon is more offended by the hairy chin comment. I should point out that is also true. Shannon admitted as much when she was whining about the comment in an earlier confessional.
See? I knew this was a mistake for Kelly. Shannon is just being a giant cunt all over again. She says something about the lies that Kelly told and WHOOSH. Kelly throws Vicki under the bus. Kelly and Shannon go back and forth and Kelly brings up the first set up at the Mrs. Roper party. Heather jumps in for no damn reason and Kelly asks her why she is always the interloper getting involved in things that don’t concern her. Kelly dear, that is because it’s a reality show and that is Heather’s role, cunt. Head cunt if you ask Heather.
Meanwhile the men are all sitting together horrified by what they are seeing. And I am really starting to like Michael who is sitting there watching his wife ready to step in if necessary but so far staying out of it.
Kelly mentions that Heather told everyone she is having a psychotic break. Heather says she still believes that. Heather is a moron and a bully. Heather has the worst mental health of all of them. Heather spouts all sorts of shit at Vicki. Vicki doesn’t want to come to Kelly’s rescue, not that she needs it she is holding her own. Vicki says she is going to the restroom. Heather in the voice of Satan says to Vicki, “Don’t move.”
What the holy fuck?
I replayed what Heather said to Vicki back three times and still didn’t understand it but things are rather, um, festive in the ghetto at the moment.
Tamra tells Vicki she needs to stop talking about people. Vicki says, “likewise.” Tamra acts as though she has never talked about any of these women. They all do, but Tamra denies it. Tamra is screaming at Vicki saying that she talks about other people’s men because she dated a douchebag. Vicki says “I did.”
The men, bad daughter etc are all watching this like a spectator sport.
Things break apart and Vicki has had enough of the drama and is ready to leave with her man. Shannon runs to tell Tamra she is leaving. Tamra doesn’t give a shit, but apparently Shannon does. Shannon stops Vicki from leaving and says she was told (production) that she was going to make an apology to her today. Vicki says she has. It was in the card. Vicki says I’m sorry but I’m not going to be accused of lying anymore. The joke is off. Vicki has had enough drinks and ridicule to be in Saddy McSadderson mode. Shannon says that she realized on the bus ride that she was back in bed with the devil. Vicki is spent. She just wants to go home with her man. She says she is not the devil and she worries about Shannon (subtext with David). Shannon says she and David just renewed their vows, but when her kids who used to call her Aunt Vicki, are involved, that is where she draws the line. Vicki is one sad sack of potatoes when she apologizes for that. Shannon says they are done. Vicki says fine. She leaves quietly.
Then after Shannon telling Vicki they are done forever, she goes to the next housewife, this time Heather to tell her that Vicki is leaving. Why? The bitches hate her why do they keep talking about how she always leaves? She left because she wasn’t wanted there. She fulfilled her contract and left.
Aw, I love Michael. Kelly asks if he was watching out for her. He says he was and he was ready to step in, but the didn’t have to. These two are talking about renewing their vows.
Shannon, Heather and Tamra are still cunts.
Meghan is “contemplating” a move back to St. Louis. Newsflash, she is already there. She has escaped the cunts.
Briana, the cunt daughter does not want to leave and she goes to talk to Tamra. Tamra agrees to talk to Vicki for Briana. Production must have held Vicki up for this. God I hate Brianna. Another Brianna confessional where she does not take her mother’s side. Tamra goes out to talk to Vicki. Vicki apologizes for telling Kelly the rumor that has been all over the Internet since he first appeared on the show that Eddie is gay. She should not have repeated gossip. She has never once retracted her statement that Eddie cheats on her and Tamra has never pushed that issue. Then Tamra wants to bring up David beating Shannon. Vicki says once again that she is worried about Shannon. Tamra storms off calling Vicki a bitch and says she doesn’t have to worry about Shannon. Who knows Shannon better, Vicki or Tamra? In the limo, Vicki tells her horrid daughter that Tamra doesn’t know what she knows. She also says she is ready to move on. Do you think Vicki will quit too?
HA! Tamra’s endnote was “Tamra has not spoken to Vicki in six months. And Eddie is still NOT GAY.
Vicki’s endnote was: Vicki and Steve are still together. Brianna has been diagnosed with Lupus and Ryan is still in Oklahoma where the wind comes rushing through he plains.
And with that it ends again.