We start tonight with everyone headed to the final all cast fashion show. Dolores is not among the group of women pissed off at Jacqueline. Jacqueline feels like Dolores set her up to make it look like she didn’t go to her ladies night at the event. It seems that the event that started the rumors that Jac was refusing to film? Oddly next week on the reunion, Teresa will accuse Jac (and Caroline) of setting her up to be a felon in prison.
Melissa is very nervous because it is her first fashion show and she doesn’t know what she is doing. It’s a large fashion show and has an actual runway and plenty of Bravo production help with the chairs and signage. It already looks way more professional that the usual Posche Fashion show with people eating dinner while models wander aimlessly in boring outfits. Teresa arrives early to give helpful advice like telling one of the models to “use more lip.” I’m not sure that suggestion is as well suited to this situation as perhaps it was on previous occasions when Teresa may have heard it. Meanwhile, we see a “sick” Jac refusing to speak on camera and writing notes to Chris.
In a highly staged scene, Joe asks Teresa who is coming to the fashion show. Because, you know, he would never have discussed this matter with his wife who is in charge of the event, He asks specifically about Jac. This give Teresa a chance to let us know, she wants nothing to do with Jac. She seems highly offended that Jac called her a criminal. Perhaps felon would have been better received? Or thief? Teresa says Jac is a disgusting person (takes one to know one) who plants bombs and waits for them to go off. She’s like Osama Bin Laden. I wonder who wrote that line for Tre. Teresa says, “She’s calling me a criminal? I think she’s the criminal.”
Next we see the line to check in for the fashion show. Who has to check in to a fashion show? People on a reality show who have to sign releases and no disclosures and get their phones taken away from them, that’s who. Showing that is just ridiculous. According to Vicki Hyman of NJ.Com, “The event was open to the public, but tickets were $85.39 for standing-room only to $370.24 for the VIP experience, which included a front row seat, a photo with “Real Housewives” stars, an open bar, dinner and gift bag.”
Rich and Kathy show up. This should be interesting. Teresa greets them awkwardly but goes through with the usual pleasantries. Dolores and Siggy rush in to scoop up Kathy because Jac has been telling Kathy that Dolores set her up. Dolores explains what really happened. Kathy says they should talk. Dolores says that she’s too angry for that right now. Teresa, realizing she is being left out of the scenes with all the people she is shunning interrupts the conversation and tells Kathy that Jac is an evil person. Teresa rushes to her next filming mark to speak to Siggy who invites her to a lunch at her house where everyone can talk out their issues with Jac. Teresa asks if she has insurance. Probably, and Bravo does too and this is an all in so we will see you there, Tre. This was a last minute lunch that was thrown together when Jac refused to come to the Envy show.
The fashion show starts of great but the timing in between costume changes is not working so there is a long pause before round two. There doesn’t seem to be anyone in charge of shoving the models into their next look. But overall it went fine. Teresa’s future rosy cheeked husband was there and got special camera time as Melissa thanked him for being her friend and her attorney. Oy Vey! Is he preparing to be Melissa and Joe’s incarceration coach next?
Next, Dolores tells Frank that she is ready to be a lot more self-sufficient. She then makes sure she is still on his life insurance policy. Frank seems to be having trouble giving up control of Dolores. They fake fight over the check Bravo paid at the end.
Teresa has her lawyer over for espresso. You know what? I really like both of my lawyers. But I don’t invite them over for cocktails. This guy is taking over Joe’s screen time for sure, and other things seem quite possible. They talk about Joe and yoga and her finances. Teresa talks about putting the house up for sale. I don’t believe her. The entire time she was in prison she did everything she could to keep that house. Teresa shows off her cookbook covers that she had framed. In her talking head, Teresa says she is a better person and she is proud of who she is. That was a ridiculous scene.
Siggy and Dolores cook with their mothers. Siggy says when she was a kid she stole a bunch of stuff trying to get put in Jail so that she didn’t have to move to Israel. I’m bored.
Joe makes a romantic dinner for Melissa and apologizes for talking crap about her working at the store. Joe carries her off to the bedroom to enjoy his “candy stick.”
Siggy’s lunch is not at her house like I thought I heard her say. It’s in a private room at a restaurant. The first thing she does is remove all the knives from the table. She should have nailed the table to the floor as well. Ah she says that she decided at the last-minute that the women are too volatile to be in her house. She also hired security.
On the ride over, Teresa drives the point home to Melissa that Jac is evil. She tells her not to give Jac another chance.
Jac is the first to arrive. Siggy cries. Because, Siggy. Jac is still sick. I am sick of her bulbous boobs hanging out of her red confessional dress. Dolores comes and Siggy cries. Dolores comes in and apologizes to Jac for flying off the handle. They hug it out right away.
Teresa and Melissa arrive and Jac is kind of bossy with them about her plans to talk to them one on one. Already this isn’t going well. Teresa says Jac is not calling the shots. Jac says she is today. Siggy steps in to mediate and explains that Jac wanted to speak to everyone one on one. Teresa says that everyone having to leave the room is stupid, and Jac who is now a crusader to rid the world of any sort of word that describes people of low intelligence says she doesn’t like the word. Why do people think that when people use words like stupid they are trying not to offend the recipient? That’s so retarded. SWIDT? How many emails do you reckon that will get me? Idiots. Jac calls Tre a bitch and Tre calls Jac a cunt. Apparently they like those words. Teresa says no one is going anywhere and she doesn’t want to speak to Jac one on one. Tre starts calling Jac an evil person for the millionth time. Jac picks up her bag and starts to head out and says that if Tre is too afraid to speak to her one on one she’s out. Teresa stands up. Security is now on high alert. Teresa screeches and Jac walks out of the private room. Dolores goes out to kiss Jac goodbye.
Siggy is determined to chase down Tre in the parking lot with Dolores. They take off their shoes to run after Jac. Chris drives off with Jac in the car. What a ridiculous scene. Teresa rants about Jac. She says she wanted to give her the kiss of death. She’s evil, yadda, yadda, yadda. Whatever.
Endnotes: Siggy is still hosting Friday night dinners and has stopped playing relationship expert with the others. Dolores is still running her gym and is not taking money from Frank….unless he offers. Melissa is considering expanding the store she does not own. Teresa is still doing yoga…with Danille Staub. They show the photo where she can’t even do a half lotus. Edited they actually show the one I just edited in that happened first. Jac has not spoken to Melissa or Teresa. She’s focused on the new grandbaby.
And we survived another season.
I plan to try to recap WWHL tonight with Teresa and Melissa. The drinking word should be “evil.”