Help me Jesus! I’ve got nearly three thousand words under my belt tonight alone from this misogynisitic horror that is Real Housewives of Orange County. And now, another half an hour of crap to be spewed from Tamra and Shannon! Mon Dieu! Il est trop lourd à porter! Such a heavy burden to carry! I will try to be brief.
Right off the bat Andy calls Shannon, Kelly during the intro. I can already tell everyone is drunk. Including me. I didn’t eat today. Andy gives the two twats an official couple name, “Shamra” and they are whooping it up while Andy continues to try to get through the cold open.
They threesome immediately starts talking about the recent reunion that just filmed. FTR it was the Cunts de Trois on the left couch and Vicki, Kelly and Meghan on the other couch. If the seating chart floating around the Internet was the one they used then Shannon was next to Andy on the couch of evil with Heather at the end. GASP! So wrong but so right. Vicki was to Andrew’s left with Meghan on the end to stay out of the line of fire. Tamra and Shannon say they thought it could have been so much worse. Tamra and Vicki have been exchanging subtle anonymous shade on IG ever since.
Tamra’s outfit is pretty. I am a huge fan of black and white. It would be a great outfit for a transgender to wear shortly after a tracheal shave. What? I’m just saying. The drummer from Quiet Riot is the bartender. Terry Dubrow’s brother was in that band so he actually watches. Shannon looks like a cow.
David and Eddie are finally alone in the audience tonight. I’ve never seen these two so happy. Andy brings up the accusations. David says he regretted calling Vicki a pig, but her lies continue to reinforce that she is one. I can see David now, nekkid, his collar chained to a whipping post as Shannon beats him as he goes through this one lie she has told him he must get right. Eddie says that whatever she says goes in one ear and out the other because Vicki doesn’t mean anything to him. Andy complements Eddie’s beard. Eddie says “Thank You!” and lights up like a Christmas tree.
Andy plays a montage of Kelly and the puppet master allegations. And another montage of Vicki’s bizarre recollections of the trip to Ireland.
The poll question is ridiculous. I thought it might be whose side are you on Kelly or everyone else. But Kelly would have won that. So instead the question is who is more at fault, Vicki for “starting the rumors” or Kelly “For repeating them.” WTF? Tamra says Vicki, but Shannon says they are both evenly at fault. These two upstanding, sober Christian women casting stones is amazing to me.
Andy plays a tape of Shannon trying to get Kelly drunk. Lots of tweets. Would you want someone to get your daughters drunk? How would you feel if someone told the bartender to double your drinks? Is that even safe? Etc. etc. Shannon says “First of all I told the bartender to double everyone’s drinks… ” There was a whole long bullshit story. Not even worth repeating. Bascially, she was doing everyone a favor and Kelly didn’t have to drink it. Which she didn’t. Because she didn’t want to drink, yet Shannon ordered her a double despite her saying she was not drinking.
Andy points out that Kelly and Tamra had a nice talk on this episode. Somehow Andy thinks Tamra is…..wait for it… THE VOICE OF REASON. WTF? He says it’s because she was mostly sober. She says she is not a good drunk. Andy says, “I know, we’ve seen that for eight seasons.”
Andy brings Andy O’Cohen to ask the shady questions. The first one is about who sent Vicki the flowers. They seem to think her boyfriend did not send them. Oh Please. If you have a man that sends flowers and Steve has sent many in the past, they know how to send them wherever you are. He’s a grown man. Even I have gotten flowers in a hotel before. It’s not that hard. Tamra says “normally if someone sends you flowers they go to your room. False. The flowers come with very little water. They are delivered to the front desk, not to your room because your room information is private and the sender will not know your room number if you have checked in.” Shut up Tamra. Helpful tip. Don’t forget to add water to your flowers once you receive them from the front desk when you pick up your key. There is very little in there.
Who would you like to see get peed on by a cow? That is literally the next question from Irish Andy. Because we are all suddenly 13. I full grown man asks two full grown woman this question and they answer it. Both.
Did anyone give two Irish shites about Meghan’s genealogy thing? They pretended they did. They did not.
Someone asks if you regret any actions from the tequila dinner. Tamra says she didn’t know until she watched it that any of that was happening. The editing of her literally scratching her head says otherwise. I could see her being unaware if the entire day had not been “let’s get Kelly drunk.” She had to know the plan if not the strategy. Shannon just stammers stupidly as if she was not the puppet doing it all. Or the puppet master depending on what you believe.
I am having a sneezing fit which is SO NOT something I am able to do right now. So I just took a Sudafed at 1 am. No Bueno.
Tamra says she should have turned the other cheek instead of screaming FUCK YOU at Vicki. Because, Christian. Shannon seems to disagree. Hard to tell. Shannon is way too drunk to talk. Allegedly. In my opinion.
After the break, Andy says that Tamra was trying to get Vicki naked wasted during the break. No that was NOT my wrong name for once it was Andy’s! Which is hilarious first he called her Kelly and then he called her Vicki. Subliminally he is saying he doesn’t really care who Shannon is, she’s just some crazy bitch that makes him money. Tamra says, “I just think Shannon needs a double.” LOL. Sounds like Shannon was cranky during the break. Tamra then says she will be selling the drummer from Quiet Riot a house next season. Andy says, “You’re selling Frankie a house?” LOL no confirmation at all that she will be on next season, or that there will BE a next season.
They show a clip from next week with Tamra and Vicki going at it. Nothing shocking.
A supposedly straight guy calls in and asks about the Eddie is gay rumors. Tamra says that would make no sense. Andy says if he were gay “we” would be proud to have you. Tamra doesn’t see the benefits of being married to a gay man. Oh, honey, let me count the ways… Then somehow Tamra calls him a two minute man without realizing it.
Someone asks where they think the rumors about their husbands started. They both say Vicki. UM NOE. Both were on the Internet prior. Tamra claims that Vicki said things about Terry and Jim too and we just didn’t see it. Andy says, “Oh really?” NOPE. David’s stuff has been documented and he Eddie rumor has been around before Tamra married him. NTTAWWT. Allegedly, just saying it was already out there on both counts.
Someone asks “If they weren’t planning to set Kelly up, why did they all dress in black and say they were going to Kelly’s funeral?” Shannon says they don’t plan outfits ahead of time. LIE! The stylist absolutely tells them what to wear when. Every trip is planned by scene.
So women with a deep southern drawl wants to know why Shannon can’t ever get over anything. Shannon says that she has spoken with HER PASTOR… I am dying here… that you can forgive someone without letting them back into your life. And now Vicki has made a criminal allegation against her husband. SHUT UP SHANNON, HE ADMITTED TO IT IN COURT AND TOOK A FUCKING PLEA DEAL. He said himself that he “willfully and unlawfully used force and violence” against you. He paid a $10,000 bond, attended a domestic abuse program and served three years probation. STOP ACTING LIKE THE PUBLIC RECORD IS NOT PUBLIC RECORD. She ends by saying she is a nice person. LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL Her husband is terrified of her now.
Tamra says that Ryan and Sarah are back together after God knows how many police reports.
Shannon denies that David and his mistress went to dinners with this family Tamra and Shannon both say that is more of Vicki’s lies. Because of course Tamra who hated Shannon with Heather when Shannon first started would know more than Vicki about that.
Someone asks if Shannon has gotten her facial hair lasered off since the confrontation. She says no. Tamra said she did. Shannon says Tamra and Meghan both came home and shaved their face. It hasn’t occured to me until this moment to get my stray facial hairs lasered. The first good thing to come from this night.
A caller asks why the fuck Heather continues to be so involved in other peoples’ drama that does not concern her. Shannon babbles about Heather defending her friends. Quick question, was it last season that Heather tossed Shannon out on her ear from her home after whining to Terry about why she felt she could just show up and enter the premises for a scheduled shooting? And what season was it when Tamra hated Shannon with the heat of ten thousand suns?
PlainViewSue asked Does Tamra have a relationship with Brianna? I know Plain? view sue! Or used to back when I first started posting. So I’m happy her question got asked. Tamra says yes. This is why Brianna is the biggest cunt on reality TV. Seriously. Brianna is Vicki’s CHILD. Vicki pays for and advocates for Brianna being on the show. And at every turn, Brianna makes a cunt move. Tonight when it was the “tell your loved one what happened in Ireland scene, Vicki’s was with Brianna and BRIANNA TOOK THE OTHER SIDE. This infuriates me like nothing else on this shit show. Brianna has been undercutting her mother on national TV at every instance. Brianna and her shitty PTSD husband have been horrendous family members toward Vicki for multiple seasons. It’s really the MOST outrageous thing in this shit show. Vicki is there for her ALL THE TIME. And Brianna is a spoiled little cunt who chooses, when her mother GETS HER A CONTRACT ON BRAVO and brings her home from the dreaded Oklahoma, to continue to side with people who disparage her mother. When I was in high school doing the usual adolescent venting about my mother, I nearly decked my best friend who dared to say on her own that my mother was less than perfect. I can talk about my mother all day long, but you can’t. I can’t imagine giving birth to a cunt who would have a mother flying out to see her in Oklahoma twice a month and then when her mother drove her across the damn country for her medical issues and took care of her boys would side with some cunt on a fakeass television show over and over. Brianna is the reason I still love Vicki. Her daughter is the WORST PERSON IN THE WORLD to her. Who in the holy hell continues to betray her own mother for TAMRA BARNEY?????
Sorry. That just pisses me off. And Andy makes it sound like Brianna ONCE AGAIN comes on the reunion and sticks up for Tamra. I . JUST. CAN’T.
The stupid poll question blames Vicki 77%. Whatever. The real people to blame were not options. And it sure wasn’t Kelly.