By CJ Bomb
Hello everyone! Welcome to Project Runway week five. I had hoped we would be continuing on the good-will train from last week. For the most part the designers behaved, but there was still a bit of snark and shade being thrown around. I tell my yoga students all the time, fear will hold you back, but ego will shove you right off of a cliff. Some egos were definitely bruised tonight. Deservedly so?…..perhaps!
We start the episode at the Absolut Vodka Elyx House which is designed to look like a speakeasy. The judges are mingling with fashion bloggers and I’m pretty annoyed I didn’t receive an invite. The contestants come in and are allowed to mingle and ask the judges questions as well as sip drinks from huge copper pineapples. This also being PR the challenge is announced at the party that the designers have to create a luxurious cocktail dress inspired by the vibe and decor of the room. They have one day and a ginormous budget of $300.
In my humble opinion there is nothing better than a beautifully made cocktail dress. When I used to dress competitively (living in NYC) I was always on the hunt for something flattering that would stand out. These designers have a great opportunity to do just that. Unfortunately half of them don’t know what the hell a cocktail dress is. At Mood they are picking out all the beaded, sequined, feathery things they can get their hands on because according to Brik, “Shiny is a color.”
Rik was influenced by the bartenders leather aprons and is doing an orange leather apron dress. This will either be very cool, or go horribly wrong. Dex is doing a sexy body-con dress with fringe in which to get “freaky”. Jenni starts appliquéing sequined embellishments on her dress and while I think it is pretty, I also think she pretty much ripped that off from Erin. Speaking of Erin, she is doing a copper brocade mini-dress with huge amounts of feathers on the shoulders. I think she still might be drunk. This looks nothing like her design aesthetic. Nat has a beaded fabric she spent a fortune on. Cornelius asks her, “Is that really you?” He thinks it’s a mistake. Or he’d trying to mind-fuck his best friend. She tells him his dress looks like a couch, which to be truthful, it kind of does. Ironically, Laurence was inspired by the Chesterfield sofa and is aiming to make a unique LBD, with leather of course.
Rik: Tim loves the dress. Rik was going to paint it, but Tim tells him to own the leather-ness and keep it as is. I know people are going to love this or hate it, but it’s giving me a Marni vibe and I love Marni.
Erin: Erin says she was influenced by the copper and the flamingo wallpaper that was in the bathroom. She has tons of feathers on a brocade dress and wants to bedazzle the crap out of it even more. This dress is horrible. Tim tells her to edit. I want to tell her to sober up.
Jenni: Tim likes the simple silhouette and the placement of the embellishments. Erin notices her “influence” on Jenni’s work.
Dex is doing a very tight dress with lots of fringe. Tim tells him to edit the fringe.
Brik: Brik has made a black and silver pageant dress. I think Tim is going to hate it, but he doesn’t.
Laurence: Tim calls her dress spectacular. He is right. The shoulders are fabulous.
Mah-Jing: Oh MJ. Sweet man is totally out of his depth. He was influenced by the condensation running down the pineapple drink and has made a literal dress out of it with actual drips. Tim says it looks like a costume.
Roberi: I thought Roberi would rock this one, but Tim calls the fabric he has chosen “Missoni meets Navajo blanket”. He also has a pleated skirt which belongs on a different dress. Tim is perplexed.
Cornelius: Tim thinks his dress looks like sportswear and belongs at a picnic.
Tasha: Tasha is also out of her depth. Tim tells her that her dress isn’t sophisticated and looks like a day dress. Nathalia: Nat’s dress looks like something a ballroom dancer would wear. Tim asks her if she is going to be okay with the judges telling her it looks like an ice skating dress. Guess old Cornelius wasn’t being such a bitch after all. She panics because she has spent all her money on this beaded fabric and has very little to work with.
Tim says that he is confused because half the room gets the challenge and the other half is “at sea”. No less than four designers are starting from scratch. Now what have I said before about this show? Confidence GOOD. Cockiness BAD. Erin and Dex are flouncing around the room talking about how fabulous their garments are, how they are going to be in the top two, how much TIME they have and how they can’t wait to show at NYFW together. You could feel the other designers seething annoyance through the screen. Or maybe that was just me seething annoyance. It will come back to bite them in the ass. Project Runway 101.
Heidi comes out wearing a baby blue velvet pantsuit that Julia Roberts was rocking in 1991. The guest judge is Emily Ratajkowski who is better known for her bare skin than her sartorial sense. I do find it hysterical she is a judge as Saint Tim proclaimed a dress she wore “Vulgar” in the press a month ago. AND HE TOLD NENE SHE NEEDED TO SEE AN OPHTHALMOLOGIST!
Laurence: I want this dress. It is awesome. If she doesn’t win I’m going to be pissed. Rik: This is unconventional and cool. Jenni: Jenni made a pretty Erin dress. Erin: Erin made a horrible Erin dress. Zak’s face is priceless. Tasha: ill-made and junior. I’m worried for Tasha. Cornelius redeemed himself with a pretty basic boring tube dress. Nat: Instead of Skater we are now at a rave. Not good. Brik: Shiny. Mah-Jing: also ill-made and that slit is very. very high. Roberi: I love his dress, but not for a cocktail party. Dexter: very, um, tight.
My Top 3: Rik, Laurence and Jenni with Laurence for the win
My Bottom3: Erin, Nat and either MJ or Tasha
The Judges Picks
Top 3 Rik: They loved how he thought out of the box and Heidi said it was something totally new and unique. Zak said it was a breath of fresh air. Nina pointed out how it was beautifully made. Laurence: Super elegant. Emily thought it looked very expensive. Nina said it was the “perfect LBD.” Jenni: Okay this made me laugh. They thought it was beautiful and feminine and effortless. They also thought it was Erin’s dress. Erin doesn’t look happy. Neither does Jenni for that matter who denies stealing Erin’s techniques.
Bottom 3 Tasha: Sigh, I knew this was coming. It was a bad fit and looked cheap. Nat: Heidi and Nina hate it. Zak thinks there were ideas there, but it turned into a hot mess. Emily doesn’t think it’s so bad. Because, Emily. Erin: Too much everything. They were SHOCKED this was her design. Heidi says she looks like she’s going to a costume party. Zak wrote, “Priscilla, Queen of the Swamp.” ouch. How the mighty have fallen. (By the way, they told Dex that he was VERY lucky he had immunity this week as his dress was super “hootchie”) When Erin tells the other designers she is in the bottom Cornelius looks like Christmas came early. She also takes pleasure in telling everyone that the judges thought Jenni’s dress was hers. Nat snaps that she’s not the only one in the world to use those techniques. Yeah Nat, she just happened to use them on a coat she designed with Jenni LAST WEEK.
The winner is JENNI? Jenni wins for ripping off Erin. Laurence was robbed and I am now officially pissed. Tasha is auf’ed. I think her fears got the better of her and the dress was the result. Nat is safe and Erin and her large ego are not shoved off the cliff into the design abyss.
Tasha is gracious as she departs, happy to have gone from being homeless to getting on the show and using it as a platform for her future. I wish her well.
So……thoughts on this week?