Heather is such a horrible person. I have a headache from trying to stop crying. I am not sure I can spend another thirty minutes with her. I can’t handle watching bullies. I don’t use the term loosely. Every woman on that bus allowed the bullying. Meghan may get the pregnancy pass for being a bystander allowing it to go on, but she could have stopped it. Vicki gets no pass from me. She could have stopped it. I am going to try to make this the shortest recap ever because I don’t even want to hear Heather apologize or worse yet make excuses, but some of my readers don’t have access to this show, So here I go.
The bitch starts by once again bashing the restaurant in Orange County. There are many lovely ones on the beach that are quite fancy pants. There is a great gastropub, Sidebar, in Corona Del Mar where the locals with no sticks up their ass go regularly. Sidenote, I held my first and only black Amex there once, the waitstaff brought me the wrong Amex Card back and I nearly passed out at what was in my check holder! I was so worried I was going to be accused of stealing it! But it all worked out fine because people there are nice and nothing like what we see on TV.
The bitch says that her husband said he would realign Vicki’s nipples if she came on Botched.
They show Heather with the unprecedented flask of Fireball strapped to her body. Heather said oh, you know Fireball is just our thing and I just happened to have this flask
that production gave me to get Kelly Drunk.
Then Andy asks about the conspiracy to get Kelly wasted at dinner. The bitch’s lie isn’t even worth typing.
Heather says that when we see the full scope of what Kelly said on the bus in the next episode, we will all understand.
NOE. NO WE WILL NOT HEATHER. I don’t care if Kelly says she wanted to roll all of your children in gasoline and light them on fire. NOTHING. NO THING that Kelly says next week will absolve you. NO THING. Kelly is alone in a foreign country surrounded by a pack of women that are actively trying to provoke her. You poke the bear you get what you get. I would have done way more than said mean things. I would have stomped on your Botoxed faces and gone to Irish fucking prison. WHATEVER she says to you all, you deserve worse.
I now hate Kristen Chenoweth too.
The very first caller says the bullies have done the impossible and made America feel sorry for Kelly Dodd. Heather says, that when she made disparaging remarks against Kelly as a mother it was not in the same category as what Kelly said about Tamra as a mother. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? Again she tries the whole “Oh Wait until you see what Kelly says next week.” I CANNOT WAIT FOR THAT. I hope she eviscerated EVERYONE. Then, after all the equivocating, Heather says she regrets saying that.
Who is this Kristen Chenoweth? Now she is dissing Luann!
Heather claims she has moved into the mausoleum she built.
Heather says that Kelly was not being ganged up on, she was lashing out.
All the questions are pro Kelly so far. Which makes me happy and makes Heather continue to say more things happened on the next episode.
I keep saying I hope Kelly rages and sets all the menopausal chin hair on fire. Starting with Vicki.
If Kristen and Heather who are clearly BFFs now don’t stop metaphorically high fiving each other I am going to vomit. I’m so not kidding. I am so angry about this episode.
They play a clip from next week with Kelly talking about how Vicki abandoned her and I am mad at Kelly for taking her back. I can only presume they turn on Vicki again and she has nowhere else to go but back to Kelly and Kelly takes her back. Kelly, stop going back to people who abuse you!!!
Heather says in response to some dumb question that she is mortified that she “has to be around” women who call each other cunts. Thus spaketh the cunt plying both Tamra and Kelly with alcohol this week and a nominee for TT’s WORST MOTHER OF THE YEAR.
Shannon tweeted that “Kelly told us Tequila was an upper and we were just all trying to have some fun.” Bitch is still laughing about trying to get someone drunk to make them go off. I’m furious. Andy read it with a bit of disdain because he is well aware by now that fans are NOT happy with the bullying of Kelly. Andy is trying really hard to stay neutral.
At the end everyone was on Kelly’s side by 70% and Andy did one of those stupid challenges that don’t raise money for anything by hitting Kristin in the face with a pie for charity and Heather was all pissy because some whipped creme got on her dress.