I seem to have blacked out on last week’s episode. I probably should have gone back to read it again to refresh my memory because we are starting with Heather, dressed and ready to roll calling Vicki who is still in bed. Apparently, the night before, Shannon and Vicki went out drinking alone together and they are friends again. In fact, when they made up, Shannon wanted to French kiss Vicki who even in her drunkeness was able to let her know that was a bit much. Vicki seems to think things are all patched up between Shannon and her. Oh, okay this was after Vicki was humping the river dancers. I remember now.
Meghan and Kelly are going to Greystones to search for Meghan’s relatives while the other four ladies go to milk cows. They will do this by accosting people who walk by looking for some O’Tooles. Because Meghan doesn’t understand hyperbole. These two randomly bothering people is going over about as well as those guys that try to pass out glossy cards advertising prostitutes in Vegas. I actually took a couple of those on my first trip. #FreeSouvenirs
The other women were supposedly not told they would be milking cows and Tamra in particular was not happy about it. Not surprisingly, Vicki is the first one to step on a cow patty which causes an instant freak out and causes her to hug the cute Irish farmer. The farmer asks them all to “tug out” or something similar. Which apparently means put some gear on. Heather says, “that sounds like something boys do.” You know how I mix up names a lot? I know you must be thinking I did it again, but that was really Heather, Miss Prim and Proper.
You can see that hazmat type gear above. This should have been the first warning for the ladies. The farmer says that the cows could pee or defecate so the suit is for their protection. Only one person completed the task, I think it was Heather. Heather also talked about how the milking machines were “not sexy in the S & M way” and it was more like “fifty shades of cow.” Why is Heather so sexual this episode?
Meghan thinks she found a family member so she took a selfie and then abandoned the family search. Meghan and Kelly reluctantly go to the farm. It seems production was looking to stir the pot. This will be the first time Kelly and Tamra have seen each other after their physical altercation in the department store. Meghan suggests that Kelly apologize and try to smooth things over.
The cute farmer’s name is Joe. He has set up a lovely Irish meal. Ironically, it’s steak. Vicki is wearing a low cut dressy blouse. Because, Vicki. And the other ladies point out that he tits are hanging out. Vicki readjusts and explains to use once again that her fake boobs were not properly centered. Vicki says she needs a nipple realignment. Heather calls Terry on video chat and Vicki exposes her boobs to Terry who freaks out.
Kelly has the sads because she feels like the girls are ostracizing her. Somehow cough production cough it comes up that Sarah, Tamra’s daughter in law sent her a really beautiful Mother’s Day card. Kelly takes this as an opportunity to apologize for what she said about Tamra’s daughter on the last episode. Heather points out in confessional that Kelly has a pattern of behaving badly and then apologizing and she doesn’t mean it and that is not who she is. On camera Heather says that it was not just and excited utterance but something that Kelly said again twice in the van.
The farm is the one that makes Bailey’s Irish cream. The cow milkers are really not in the mood for cream. In fact they may never imbibe in any milk based products for the rest of their lives.
Tamra does not accept Kelly’s apology.
The next morning starts as all the others with Shannon screaming “Top O The Morning!” In her defense, I might have said this out loud to myself every morning as well. But I probably wouldn’t have done it in front of Irish people. At least more than once.
After the violent behavior by Tamra in the departments store and the failed reconciliation over cow products, it seem production has decided to continue the separate of Tamra and Kelly. So this day, Meghan will babysit Tamra while the other girls go bike riding.
Meghan and Tamra go to Powerscourt House. Meghan says that one of her ancestors was killed there. Apparently, Meghan’s family killed sixty people in some sort of Irish Hatfields and McCoys thing. Only in Ireland it was the O’Tooles and the Fitzgeralds.
The bikers ride their bikes (badly) and picnic on the hotel lawn. Heather, the newly minted pervert is also a big drinker now. She has a flash of Fireball she is carrying around Ireland. What kind of weird production script it this? In this alternate universe, Kelly is turning down drinks, because it is lunch and she is still hungover and Heather is trying to thrust Fireball shooters and champagne on everyone. So they make a toast with the fireball that no one wants, and Heather actually refuses to drink herself, and then Heather says, “Kelly, do you want some champagne?” Not would anyone like some champagne. Just Kelly. I don’t know if she is trying to torment the hungover girl for her own amusement, or if production provided the cute flask of fireball for Heather to transport. Heather even said she wasn’t drinking it because she doesn’t do shots. I’m going with the latter option. The production script is get Kelly drunk again because the bitch went nutso and we could not even get the fight on camera. So production goes to Heather with the flask and says, ” Your job is to get Kelly drunk.”
Apparently, Heather was also told to get Tamra drunk because she drags Shannon with her to Tamra’s room after lunch with a bunch of vodka and champagne to get her drunk enough to go to dinner with Kelly. Shannon appears to be in on the plan. This will be important later. Heather also starts trashing the top that Kelly is wearing to play croquet. This is the shirt Kelly is wearing to the dinner on their last night. As we know the biggest fights happen at the final dinner. Meghan opts out claiming sickness.
At dinner, Shannon orders a tequila. Kelly doesn’t want one but Shannon orders one for Kelly and Vicki anyway. Shannon excuses herself and goes to the bar staff and asks them to make the three tequilas a double! What is she up to?
Shannon and Heather announce they are having a big party at Shannon’s new rental to have all the things that Heather has not been able to eat after her big fitness competition that is coming up.
The double tequilas come and Shannon orders four more. One for Tamra I suppose. Vicki in a confession says she thinks that the whole get Kelly shitfaced plan is being orchestrated by Tamra. As Vicki points out and the handy montage by production reminds us, “this is nekkid wasted all over again.” For those who don’t recall, “nekkid wasted was when Tamra tried to get Gretchen drunk enough for her son to sexually assault her. Allegedly. So the story seemed to go on camera. Kelly doesn’t fall for it.
Five hours later, the girls have to get up for their flight. Production ONCE AGAIN missed the big dustup after dinner. So we will be getting several accounts. Tamra says that after dinner, Vicki came knocking on her door asking her to go out drinking with her and Kelly. Tamra refused to answer the door. Vicki says she just wanted to help Tamra and Kelly makeup.
Next, we hear Kelly saying that Shannon came running out of her room and started to attack her. Shannon says that she very calmly came out to ask why Kelly wants to have a drink now? Tamra says she said they should go drink, we don’t want to have a drink with you. Was that through the door because she said she didn’t open the door?!
Kelly says she went to bed.
Then Heather (miss I am going to bed early I have a flight in the wee hours of the morning) claims that she and Shannon and Tamra decided to go have a drink in the pub. Vicki says Tamra kept texting her to come down and join them because they are all having so much fun. Just don’t bring Kelly. Vicki doesn’t just say she decided to go down, or that she went down to shut Tamra up, she says ” I didn’t meant to leave Kelly out I just wanted to keep my friendships going with the other ladies.” That is the liar’s explanation with too many details.
So now, the four women are down there having a blast in the bar and probably posting it on social media.
Oh God. It is worse than that. Vicki told Tamra every horrible thing Kelly ever said about her. So Tamra took photos of her and Vicki and drunk texted Kelly saying that she is with Vicki and Vicki is telling her everything.
So Heather’s AKA production’s little helper starts filming on her phone what happened when they went back to their rooms. Vicki tries to block Heather from filming. Kelly is saying she never said anything about Tamra, she’s not that kind of person….etc…etc..
Shannon says she wanted Heather to film it because “Kelly lost her mind!” But we don’t see any of that. We just see Kelly, soberish, in her sweats protesting to Tamra that she never said anything bad about her. I was expecting some physical something and there was none and frankly I am feeling sorry for Kelly. Vicki has betrayed her just as soon as there was an opening to get back in with the girls.
In Kelly’s confessional, filmed back in Orange County she is crying a lot while telling this story. As she said many times on the trip, she was saying, “I just wanna go home.” Poor girl.
In the van to the airport, Kelly is still upset that everyone came for her. It seems to me like that was production’s plan but it was so obvious that everyone was trying to get Kelly drunk that she didn’t drink. At least not until she was safely in her room. There is an altercation in the van instigated by Shannon where they argue and Kelly calls everyone out for coming after her when she was trying to go down for a drink with Vicki. Kelly calls Shannon a drunk and tells her she needs to shave her chin hair.
A collective gasp comes from the perimenopausal/menopausal women. Shannon says that Kelly should only hope to look like her when she is 52. Heather leans up to say to Tamra that Kelly is insane. Tamra agrees. Heather says, “I feel bad for her kid!” Um, isn’t that the exact transgression that Kelly made that made them all gang up on her? Heather tells Kelly that she thinks she is having a psychotic break. Heather is good at diagnosing those she has made the same diagnosis of Shannon in the past and even tried to get Terry to call an ambulance to get her locked up at Lizzie’s party! I spent a lot of time trying to find a link and then when I just picked something because I am nearly an hour behind, they show the montage of Heather at the party trying to get Terry to haul Shannon off because Heather is using her vast psychiatric skills to diagnose a psychotic break. This his skill of Heather’s comes out when she is wasted. She calls Kelly trash repeatedly. Kelly and is the second soberist person on the van after Meghan.
I may have to watch this again. This recap took so long because I actually had to watch the TV. It was unsettling. The real Heather was all over that van.
I’m so Team Kelly on this and I am furious with Vicki for not standing up for her. It looks like there is more next week. So deplorable.