It’s finally the weekend after yet another long week of trials and tribulations. The world has been brimming with insanity lately, and we could all use a good laugh. Thankfully, Sheree Whitfield is a limitless source of hilarity. Today, Sheree Whitfield announced on Instagram that she has written her first novel.
You cannot make this shit up.
The last time we heard from Sheree Whitfield about her interest in literature, she was standing on a dirt mound on the grounds where Chateau Sheree was supposed to be built, telling some random, pretend builder that she wanted a skatin’ rink for the churren, and a big ole lieberry in her new home. Prior to that, there was the time that Andy Cohen presented her with the Speak N Spell she never had as a child on WWHL. During our ridiculous court proceedings, I noted that Sheree was a very adamant story-teller. She may have had a bit of trouble sticking to the same story, but the tales she spun about the churren being afraid to play in the dirt outside of Chateau Sheree were quite amusing. She had a lot of trouble when questioned about her stories. She proclaimed herself to be the builder of the The House With Turrets Syndrome, yet didn’t know what a certificate of occupancy was and seemed to have problems with other words that were not programmed on the Speak N Spell. But who cares about all that.
Now she is a published author.
The top graphic is the cover of her 320 page paperback novel. Here is a price guide for purchasing a book from a high quality ghost writer:
Sample pricing based on estimate of 250 words/page: 80 page book=$3,500 100 page book=$4,375 160 page book=$7,000 200 page book=$8,750 240 page book=$10,500 320 page book=$14,000
Sheree clearly went for a book with lots of pages! She did not use the site I pulled those figures from. I know this because that site was well written. She probably paid half that, because one look at the columns on the House With Turrets Syndrome, and you know she loves to cut corners.
Let’s judge a book by its cover, shall we? Ignore for a moment that there is a giant woman superimposed over a house. I want to know why they couldn’t at least center the woman! There is enough room above her head so that her feet don’t have to be amputated. Why are her toes cut off?
The title is another sign that she hired a ghost writer. There is one properly placed accent aigu in the word fiancée and one incorrectly placed on her first a name. Sheree uses her vast knowledge of diacritics to place the accent on the wrong “e” but she doesn’t just misplace the mark, she also uses the wrong accent mark, the accent grave. I imagine this was discussed over the phone and Sheree said to put the accent on the last ‘e’ because I don’t believe she knows the function of the accent and she probably said something like “That’s how I be spellin’ it! Who gonna check me boo?” At this point the ghostwriter realizes she is writing for someone who literally cannot spell her name. I can’t imagine the torment that ghostwriter suffered. That said, as you will soon see, the ghostwriter sucks.
Any Atlanta local knows that only outsiders say “Hotlanta.” In fact, if you use the term Hotlanta to someone from Atlanta they immediately make a mental note that you are, in fact, an idiot and worse, likely a yankee.
I checked to see if this was a vanity press publication, and it’s actually published by Dafina, a small independent publisher of black romance novels. So you buy your book and then market it at this place. I don’t think anyone is going to break even on this venture. I hope they got paid up front.
When pulling this description I noticed that giant women with amputated feet seems to be appears to be de rigueur at that particular publishing house. Here is the plot summary from their site:
From Shereé Whitfield, one of the stars of Bravo TV’s hit show The Real Housewives of Atlanta, comes a debut novel that’s a page-turning mix of rumor, fiction, and a tantalizing dash of reality…
Sasha Wellington has put herself on the fast track to success. Fresh out of college, she’s got her career as a fashion designer and entrepreneur all planned out. Her only wild card is choosing which city to launch from. When fate points her to Atlanta, she sets out to make her dreams come true…
Before she knows it, Sasha’s befriended by two rival BFFs. First there’s Norman, savvy stylist to Atlanta’s stars, from the A-list on down. Then there’s Nina, an outrageous personality with a questionable nightlife. Between their antics, Sasha’s beyond grateful for her coworker, Casey. Married to an NBA player, Casey’s got class. But there’s more than meets the eye to being a baller’s wife. And the more time Sasha spends among the movers and shakers, the clearer it gets that just like on reality TV, the truth lies behind-the-scenes. Still, she’s not worried about getting caught up in the drama—until she’s romanced by a baller of her own. Can she stick to her game plan, or will Hotlanta derail her future—and reveal a side of herself even she didn’t know existed?
I hope when Sasha Wellington has a fashion show, there are actually fashions involved. I’m gonna guess her line will be called something snappy like She by Sasha. I bet Norman is the gay side kick and Nina is the requisite THOT. I wonder if the ghostwriter wrote that blurb. Does she charge extra for misplaced commas and random dashes? Sasha’s befriended? Between their antics? Is there no editing involved with this publisher?
For those of you clamoring for a generic romance novel, this one hits the market on January 31, 2017. Or you could give it a few weeks and pick up a copy at the Dollar Store.