This is hysterical already. Dr. Oz literally introduces Teresa as “inmate number 65703-050 !” I can’t stop laughing long enough to type. He literally doesn’t know how to pronounce her last name. To be fair, neither does she, but he is not even choosing from any of the iterations she has previously used. The only way this could get better is if he uses the word criminal, and she threatens to rage on his ass!
He goes through an entire montage of her criminal charges and her sentencing. I love how he says she spent her time wisely in jail and includes “cleaning up her diet” as an example of something normal criminals can do in prison.
Whoever dresses Teresa has a hysterical sense of humor. First they sent her on to WWHL with Andy Cohen in an orange jumpsuit. Today they have her on Dr. Oz in black and white stripes. A throwback to earlier prison wear.
She has the new face that I was talking about on WWHL the other night. It’s really hard to explain. I know she rushed to a dermatologist right after getting out, but this doesn’t look like surgery to me, it looks more like she’s aged ten years in two years. Also, her makeup is horrible. Her under eye cream is orange and really noticeable.
She tells Dr. Oz it feels like she never left because she has four daughters and she “just got put right back in the worldwind.”
He asks her what prison was like and she says, “Well the place was really dirty, moldy, the bathrooms were disgusting.” She is going to go through this whole interview never saying the word prison.
Dr. Oz: What surprised you the most about being in prison?
“What surprised me the most? Oh, what surprised me the most was that I know I am a good person and I was like there was such amazing women that I met there. I was with doctors, lawyers, stock brokers, bankers, like women that got caught up with things that they didn’t even know they were getting caught up with. And it was sad because a lot of other women had children and there should be different alternatives for women. Because you know who will become the victims are the children. So if they could go on probation, or you know be on the bracelet, instead of going away and being away from their children.”
Dr. Oz mentions that there has been a 700% increase in women going to jail. I should point out here that Dr. Oz randomly makes shit up on his show. Usually to sell some whackadoodle weight loss/anti-aging/lymeopause snake oil type shit.
Teresa responds to this statistic, “Well that happened because years ago… I guess that happened to me which I didn’t even know because I signed a piece a paper and it was while buying a home and my husband was using my credit so that’s what I did and what I did was really not intentionally. But I did what I had to do. I did my time, and I’m here now thank God. I’m with my four daughters where I should be”
Oh lets pause for a moment. First we need to remember how exactly these criminal masterminds found themselves in this situation. They lied. The falsified W-2 forms to support their lies. They lie to dozens of banks to receive dozens of mortgages on their properties. If you missed it, the first 39 counts are outlined here. For those who think it was all Joe, Teresa knew exactly what she was doing. She lied about being a real estate agent who make $15,000 a month. She lied about several other jobs. They spent all the money and then thought they would just file for bankruptcy once the fun was over. This was their biggest mistake. They went to bankruptcy court and lied some more. They lied about assets. They claimed they had no rental property and did not include the income, but checks were signed by Teresa and deposited into her Fabilicious account. They lied about many other things. The Feds eventually indicted them on 41 counts. Because they stole millions of dollars and lied.
Then they lied some more A THEIR SENTENCING. Imagine how happy Judge Esther Salas was to have the lying liars who lie show up in court with their attorneys to review their pre sentencing documents and discover that….wait for it…they lied ON THEIR PRE-SENTENCING documents. Both of them, separately lied about things like cars, RVs, furniture, jewelry, handbags, clothes, construction equipment and Lord knows what else. They lied about the value of the things they did claim and did not even stick to the same lies they lied on their bankruptcy forms. The prosecutor pointed out all the lies to the judge and then the judge spent the next couple of HOURS lecturing their dumbasses, asking for clarification, hammering their individual attorneys and asking for explanations. What she got was excuses. Joe’s dad died. The accountant is super busy. They forgot they had all that stuff. They didn’t think it was important. So for the first few hours all we were hearing was that Judge Salas was really, really mad. We also found out that the reason the sentencing had to be postponed was because they were four months late getting these forms in to the probation officer. It took an extra four months for them to come up with these ridiculous lies.
And here is what she said in court, “I’m blessed, but today I am also humbled. I fully take responsibility for my actions. This is not how I was raised. I am more sorry than anyone will ever know. My four daughters are my life. I don’t care about the TV show. I’m scared, I’m not going to deny it, I’m really scared. It’s time for me to wake up … my daughters are my life that’s what keeps me going. I’ve done so much crying.I don’t care about the TV show or materialistic things … we lost my father-in-law and that was the first grandparent we lost.Now I have even more to give. I will take this experience and continue to do the right thing. I know in my heart everything happens for a reason and I’ve found my reason. I will make this right.”
The prosecutor’s response was , “she thumbed her nose at the court…now she wants sympathy. It’s business as usual. “The judge said that “her gut” tells her that Teresa needs to be in prison. The judge also said that the Giudices do not seem to understand or respect the law. She lectured them against future offenses.
Teresa Giudice is a criminal. Criminals lie. Teresa lies even when the truth would serve her better. Okay, back to today’s lies.
Dr Oz asks about her prison diary. I love that he keeps saying prison. He reads an excerpt where she claims that all of the girls in prison got along and how it makes her “sad to watch all of us fighting on television when we should have been laughing.”
She starts to stutter, ” Well I mean believe it or not (I’m going with not) when I first got there I did get along with everybody. But then eventually drama did happen. You know what I realize now, you know everyone says they see a change in me (nope, not everyone) you know what when you get aggravated over something, it’s nonsense, like don’t even get bother- you know what now I’d just rather count to ten and walk away, it doesn’t, it shouldn’t stress yourself out over nonsense stuff.”
Dr Oz asks how she changed mentally and physically.
“Well you know, I took my vitamins, I would buy them off of commissary…and I exercised…I heard you’re a big yoga fan. I love yoga. I started doing yoga there. That’s my passion. I’m getting certified to be a yoga instructor.”
cue audience applause
Dr Oz talks about the bad food in where? PRISONS that’s where. He mentions missing Italian meals.
She said that didn’t bother her. “I knew that the reason I was there was to eat healthy and exercise.” She makes it sound like she is at a fat farm, so Dr. Oz stops her and asks, “In your mind what was the reason you were there. What was the point of putting Teresa Giudice in PRISON?”
Teresa says,” Um… I guess it’s part of my journey. And that’s how I… I put it in my mind that way.”
Dr. Oz looks confused. He says, “Right, okay so what did you take away from that journey that you didn’t want to be on?”
Teresa say, ” That I’m going to make myself healthy and exercise…even though I’ve always exercised…but that’s it. I dunno, maybe it’s a reason for my husband and my daughters to get close together…and he was amazing with my daughters! They’re like so attached…even though they were before too… ”
So her criminal incarceration was a wake up call to eat healthier and to allow Joe to bond with their kids. You can’t make this stuff up.
Dr. Oz looks confused and we go to break to return to talk about Joe being in prison for the last six months.
Dr Oz thanks Teresa “for being so honest with us” and then asks if she lost weight in PRISON. heh.
She says she did. She lost about ten pounds and again the audience applauds her tremendous accomplishment. She said she ran in prison for the first time because they had a track. She did some weights in the gym even though it was kinda not good and dirty. She did a lot of pushups and sit ups.
She says that “Mentally, I just wanted to keep focused and that’s what kept me focused doing exercise. and I read a lot of books, because being a mom, when I was home, I never had time to read. So I just read a lot of books and that’s it and exercise. And I would watch TV! At home I never really had time to watch TV!”
Dr Oz ask about Joe and his weight.
Teresa says he’s lost over 35 pounds now. She says, “He looks amazing. He looks really good. So that is what he is doing too. I mean, he’s a black belt so he’s always exercised also and worked out with the muscles and everything. But I’m like you need to lean out and like run because it would be good for your heart.” She talks about Joe’s difficult times with the charges and losing his Dad.
Dr. Oz says, “I’m sure you’ve missed Joe, but have you forgiven him?”
“Yes, because I know in my heart he never did anything to intentionally hurt me in any way.
Dr. Oz, ” What’s the most important thing you learned IN PRISON about forgiveness?”
” Um ” …er… well you mean in general?”
Dr. Oz reads from the book “that she wrote.” “I forgive those who have wronged me. And when I come home I will seek forgiveness from those I MAY HAVE wronged. While I forgive, I will never forget. ” Dr Oz says that is interesting because I would think that forgiving is about forgetting.
“Listen. It depends. You should always… it’s okay to forgive, but you shouldn’t forget what somebody did to you cause you never know if that person will do it again, I mean…it’s… I’m kind of old school that way. I mean, you know? I think you should never forget. Just always have it in the back of your mind what did happen, but I’ll forgive and move on. Just always remember because that person could do it again to you and why would you want that done again?Correct?”
“Correct.” Dr. Oz replies unenthusiastically.
And that is where it mercifully ends with no remorse, no apologies, no accountability, no acknowledgement of any crime and no forgiveness. Typical Teresa.