After last week’s highly emotional RuPaul’s Drag Race All Stars, I’m ready to put the Phi Phi situation to bed. But first, we have to check in with the girls and get their reactions to her elimination. She uses her message on the mirror (“I wanted to avoid hugs because of tears! LOVE YOU ALL! “Jump in a car!” – Phi Phi“) to explain her refusal to hug Alyssa Edwards as she left. No one is buying it. And that is Drag Race’s farewell message to Phi Phi O’Hara (mic drop). Tatianna and Alyssa get to put their elimination RuPaulies back in the trophy case. It’s a final six again, y’all!
RuPaul brings in underwear designer (and Drag Race underwriter) Andrew Christian and a slew of underwear models. It’s time to play “Butt butt golf.” The queens get a few minutes to change into golf drag and then Ru explains the rules. They’re supplied with a long pink trunk with a ball at the end. They have to swing their pink shaft and knock a ball through the legs of the underwear models. Whoever gets their ball in the big pink hole first wins. Drag Race loves their ridiculous Andrew Christian ads. Detox does so bad she’s actually disqualified for going over time. Tatianna is dressed like Cher from Clueless. Alyssa is focusing all of her energy on contact with the models. Alaska celebrates every knock with a deep, guttural shout. And she wins!
Following in the footsteps of mega entrepreneur RuPaul, the queens will create merchandise “worthy of their All Star brand” and film an accompanying commercial. The top two winners will have their products fabricated and sold at next year’s Drag Con. That’s a pretty big prize! “Like Shark Tank but fishier.” Detox wants to make a trashcan that reads you every time you throw something out. Hysterical but sounds pricey. Alaska is marketing “Executive Opulence Fashion Tape.” It’s a product people use but I think fans would prefer something their friends can actually see since we’re all such show-offs. Alyssa Edwards is making Go-Go juice. I can see that one being a hit and it definitely has Alyssa written all over it. But they don’t need my opinions. RuPaul brings Marcus Lemonis from The Profit to tell them all what they’re doing wrong. I’ve seen his show (he goes to failing businesses and tells them what they need to do to turn things around) and he doesn’t pussyfoot around. He’s good at what he does but he’s honest. Let the bloodbath begin.
Roxxxy Andrews wants to make wig glue since she’s known for her wig flips. Makes sense. First RuPaul has to explain to Marcus how they use the glue. Marcus doesn’t care. He wants to know what makes Roxxxy’s glue better than any other glue on the market. I don’t think he’s going to accept “because it has my name on it” as a valid answer. Roxxxy is flummoxed. Wow. Marcus is actually gentle and offers good suggestions. Roxxxy decides to include DVD instructions. “This is what you’re selling,” Marcus explains. “Your expertise. Your knowledge. And the glue is just a bonus.” Katya plans on marketing “Katya’s Crisis Control,” a body mist with thorazine to protect against “anxiety, fear, hallucinations or ghosts.” Marcus wasn’t prepared for Katya. She tries to explain that she’s selling a feeling but he cuts her off. “You know, that’s the first way to kill a brand. To sell something that doesn’t have a value.” Yeah, he doesn’t get Katya. He tells her to scrap it and start over. Now she needs some thorazine. Tatianna is selling a tea set. Unless it’s the Lionel Richie “Hello, is it tea you’re looking for?” tea set I’m bored. She explains her ad and RuPaul cracks up. Marcus is fully on board. He calls it the best presentation yet. We’ll see. As they paint for the commercials, Katya admits that she’s moving forward with her original idea. I say go for it. I’d buy that over Tati’s tea set any day. As long as she sells it well.
Katya meets up with Michelle Visage and Carson Kressley to film her ad. They’re supplied with props and furniture but all Katya can focus on is the fake turkey. Come on, Katya. Pull it together! It seems rough going but I hope they’re just psyching us out. Detox looks gorgeous and her trash can looks like a crazy muppet (a total compliment in my book). She’s nervous about the commercial because she spent too much time making the trash can. Well, she’s cracking Michelle up so that’s a good sign. Alaska’s ad is amazing but I still think tape is kind of a weak product. She manages to work the title of her album in which should make RuPaul (the queen of self-promotion) happy. Alyssa is a little low key (for Alyssa). Not the right tone when you’re selling an energy drink. So she turns it up. And up. And up. Roxxxy take Marcus’ advice and plays up her expertise but when she does her wig reveal, her boy hair is showing at the front. She should have used better glue. Her second try shows her wig cap. Uh oh. Michelle tells Tatianna she needs to be bitchier. No problem. She throws in an extra “stupid bitch” and it totally turns things around (as it it usually does).
RuPaul is back in another amazing look. Michelle Visage, Carson Kressley and Todrick Hall are joined by guest judge Graham Norton. The runway theme is Pants on the Runway. This should be good. Although there have been exceptions (Alaska in season five, Milk in season six) it’s hard to successfully crossdress in trousers.
Roxie Andrews is channeling the seventies in faded denim bellbottoms and a dream catcher top. I wish I liked it more. Katya surprises me in an 80’s pants suit and sleek Ellen Barkin asymmetrical bob. I don’t like the suit but I like to be surprised. Alyssa Edwards doesn’t suprise in a shiny crop top, wide legs pants and furs. She calls it Dynasty and I agree. I just find it boring, especially on Alyssa. You can take the girl out of Texas but you can’t take the Texas out of the girl. Damn, Detox slays another runway. She’s doing red and white cruise wear that seems retro in a Brigitte Bardot/Jane Birkin way. Alaska is always my boo but I don’t like her blond perm. She’s bicentennial in red, white and blue with stars and fringe. It’s definitely a look. Tatianna is T-Boz (my favorite member of TLC) in the Waterfalls video. She even does the dance. I don’t know about the judges but she’s my winner.
And now it’s time for the ads. Roxxxy has ditched the glue entirely and is selling a Wig Tricks instructional DVD. The ad is actually funny. Oh, if you order now she’ll throw in the wig glue. That was smart. Michelle Visage thinks the commercial is a little forgetful. That’s not good. Graham doesn’t like her granny panties in the ad but Todrick likes her runway look. Katya’s ad is oh so very Katya. RuPaul is cracking up the entire time. Graham calls it genius. RuPaul calls her runway look “so wrong it’s right.” Whew! I was worried about her for a minute. I’m kind of over the Alyssa thing this week so I find her commercial for DDG (Drop Dead Gorgeous) a little boring. I’m sure Carson loves it. And I was right. Todrick loves her runway look. Seriously? RuPaul thinks it’s a great product but wants her to rename it Tongue Pop. Now that’s genius. Detox looks great in her ad but her product isn’t actually functioning (she makes it talk with her hand). Luckily, she’s a funny bitch. Graham loves her runway look. Carson thinks the commercial is great but Todrick has the same complaint I do. Graham calls it a pisspoor prototype. It’s true but still a bit harsh. Alaska makes an hysterical “very serious” Obsession perfume ad for her fashion tape. Her product is the lamest and yet she made the best ad, hands down. This girl is talented. The judges can’t stop gushing (so it’s not just me and my Alaska bias). Graham likes her runway look from the neck down but just can’t with that hair (I know). Tatianna’s ad is boring until we get to her gossiping and talking trash. She’s good at that. Michelle loves her runway look and RuPaul requests she do the T-Boz dance again. Carson points out that although she’s charming in the commercial, she didn’t really feature the product much.
Top queens: Alaska and Katya
Bottom queens: Roxxxy Andrews and Tatianna
Ooh, it’s the same top and bottom from the Snatch Game episode. That time Tatianna went home when it should have been Roxxxy. Will history repeat itself? Before she meets with the bottom two Alaska asks to talk to Detox. Interesting. She needs advice. Neither of them want to see Roxxxy go but acknowledge she’s been in the bottom the most. On the other hand, Tatianna missed two challenges. Stop looking for excuses, Alaska, and do the right thing this time! Katya sits down with Tatianna and compliments her runway look. T-Boz! Tatianna is pretty assertive that she did better than Roxxy in the ad and runway. Roxxxy tells Alaska that she didn’t get the harshest critiques but she’s lying. Then she starts stroking Alaska’s ego. Don’t fall for it, Laskie! You’ve dragged her along far enough. Roxxy’s not very convincing with Katya. She’s putting all her eggs in the Alaska basket.
LIP-SYNC FOR YOUR LEGACY
Alaska and Katya perform Cherry Bomb by Joan Jett and the Blackhearts. Katya completely changed her outfit. She’s now dressed as a 90’s girl with Mary Jane flats. It’s cute but kind of a cop out. These are probably the best queens for this song. Katya does her jump into splits. Alaska can’t dance but she is freaky so she licks Katya’s face. It doesn’t faze Katya in the least. It might just be me (I have low blood sugar right now) but this lip-sync isn’t giving me life. And then Alaska pulls an American flag out of her wig. She might have just turned things around. Katya is being hard rock. Alaska is being Alaska. You know, for someone who can’t dance, she sure does entertaining lip-syncs. Alaska wins! She says, “One of these queens, week after week, has brought a level of prestige and beauty and excellence to this runway and to the artform of drag. And one of these queens is the person who lent me this very shirt that I’m wearing tonight.” So she saves the queen who lent her the shirt and eliminates Tatianna. Shananigans! I’m actually disappointed with Alaska for the first time since she gave up during the season five episode one mini-challenge. Tatianna takes it with total class. She gives us one last T-Boz on the way out.
Next week: The queens do makeovers on family members.
And RuPaul’s Drag Race All Stars Behind the Scenes is back, right here on TamaraTattles!