We are reaching the point where the plants start to become prisoners. Everyone is starting to lose it. Plus we have a big invasion of the CERT Team in D-Pod after last weeks brutal attack on Zac’s former buddy Brian.
Dion is having issued getting to use the bathrooms in the back of the cells. Dion goes to use the shower in Cell 5 while the residents of that cell are sleeping. He is running out of fucks to give about the shower situation. Dion gets mouthy with the inmates and tells them he doesn’t say shit when they keep him up all night but he is going to take a motherfucking shower. Surprisingly, the cellmates take it well and practically apologize saying they didn’t know it was him.
Quentin is feeling the stress of such a long undercover stint. The local news is airing a live police chase. The entire cell is cheering for the criminal to get away. At some point when I was young, I was screwing some idiot guy and one day he turned the TV on to COPS. He was very engrossed in the show and was rooting for the criminals. I remember wondering who the fuck this idiot I’d been fucking was. I ended the relationship shortly thereafter probably in my usual sabotaging weak ass way so he would think it was his idea. I’ve always done that. I have no idea why. Quentin is having trouble not cheering for the cops when they catch the guy.
Ryan is pissed about being in the day room in C Pod. He continues to refer to himself as an inmate. He may end up being the first person ever pulled from the program.
After Daffron and his goons beat the shit out of Brian, the COs came and took Brian out. Tonight the emergency response team is using a show of force to take out Daffron and his goons. Ryan loved every minute of it. He now thinks he is in position to be pod boss. Oh, Ryan.
Eleven inmates were taken from D-Pod by CERT. Ryan is the only one in the program in D-Pod. Now that I think about it, we are down to three guys. The guys are always the ones who bail. Ryan is getting info on how to smuggle in drugs (shove it in your ass) and how to escape (out the laundry room with a pre planned ride) but he is not willing to tell producers. He’s suddenly on the side of the inmates and doesn’t want to break his “honor code” with Garza and the others. The sheriff is concerned that Ryan is siding with the inmates and not the undercover program.
Well this has never happened before. Sheriff Maples goes to the interview room to have a little chat with Ryan. Remember the really weird guy for last season, Robert? Ryan is this season’s Robert. Sheriff Maples threatens to pull him because he is putting himself in very dangerous situation and he feels like Garza is his best friend in the world and someone he has to protect. Ryan has lost his purpose. To quote Ghost, “Gurrrrl! You in Danger!” Sheriff Maples ultimately decides to move him to C-Pod which results in a lot of confessionals from Ryan about how he will miss Garza and how he now has to start over. I actually can’t believe they are not going to have anyone in D. Maybe they will send Quintin in?
Well FUCK. They are moving Dion to D. Dayum. Don’t put the pretty boy in there! Dion is happily moving to D. He hated C-Pod. But when he gets there, he tries to take Ryan’s bed and Garza won’t let him. Dion said he saw a black dude upstairs so he tried to go there, but there are not black guys in that cell. I don’t know what he is thinking. Dion ends up stuck on a bunk in the day room.
Sadly, it doesn’t look like any clean out of F-Pod is going to happen. Sheri’s visit with her husband has given her a renewed desire to really find out what is going on in the pod. She has taken a new approach. Instead trying to confront the idiots, she is going to be funny and mothering and try to infiltrate the group. Bless her heart. I don’t think I could do that. I would already have charges for assaulting that 19-year-old.
So many things are triggering Ashleigh and she is having to come to grips with her mother’s abandonment and getting very introspective. I am trying to relate to Ashleigh but frankly, I am obsessed with Sheri’s mismatched shower shoes.
DAYUM! Monalisa’s BFF, Stephanie is left after posting a ten thousand dollar bond! But all of a sudden she is back after some sort of issue with her release. Sheri realizes that Stephanie is probably full of shit, but Monalisa who doesn’t seem to feel like jails should exist at all is eating up the drama. For one thing, Stephanie claims to be in for a misdemeanor and $10K is pretty outrageous for that. As a side note, the production text keeps using bail and bond interchangeably and so I have no idea what the story is. If you bond out, you pay a bail bondsman 10% of the bail and secure the rest of the loan with something of value, usually a house. If you bail yourself out you pay the entire amount. The sheriff tells us that Stephanie has a history of manipulating the system and the check was not good. Monalisa might finally be seeing Stephanie’s manipulation.
Zac can’t come back to the prison, because he would be recognized as not part of production, so they bring in her adoptive father to give her some support. I love her dad. He seems like such a great person, you can just tell. I love how everyone talks about how when they hug their visitor that they smell “like the real world.” These visits always make me happy.
I just love Sheri and all her prison hairdos. Did I mention she retweeted me last week and I felt like a celebrity had retweeted me?! I know, I’m crazy but this chick is everything. Sheri has infiltrated the top-tier and is now watching how they do their little tattoo thing. I kind of get what Ryan was saying earlier when he said, “They tell you to be an inmate, then they tell you not to be an inmate.” Sheri is in deep now and is on cop watch for the “tattoo artists.” Frankly, if they ever tried to try any of these people of illegal shit they did in jail, that would be fucking ridiculous. I assume when they read the whole “don’t do anything illegal in there” riot act they are just covering their asses. Prosecution would be ridiculous.
Meanwhile, Monalisa is finally on to Stephanie and is tired of her manipulations. She ends up going after the 19-year-old hoodlum. But at one point she blurts out, “This is going to be on TV and you are going to look like a fool.” Sheri ain’t no fool and she realizes immediately that Monalisa is in the program.
HOLY SHIT! Did Sheri just push a note under the door for the CO? Oh fuck noe. Let Monalisa beat that little girl down. It will do both of them some good. WTF is wrong with you Sheri?
Next Week: Sheri will either get extracted or get her ass beat for being a snitch. Dion gets a visit from his girlfriend. Quintin and Ryan bond. REALLY Q? And the dumbass 19-year-old “laces up.” Oh please let someone beat her dumbass down.