By CJ Bomb
Hello all! Thank you for your lovely responses last week. So excited to be on this journey with you. And thank you to our fearless leader Tamara for letting me write for you! Project Runway week two here we go!
Create a cool, versatile stylish design that flatters any woman no matter her age, shape or size. The winning look will be sold on Just Fab. Now I do appreciate these challenges. The designers normally do not- as their idea of the regular woman tends to be 5’7” 125 lbs instead of 5”10” and 115, but we shall see. Alex declares he loves all women and his look will make sure to reflect this. Erin says something about designing for a girl who wants to eat snacks and then maybe go out. I had to rewind that three times. It still makes no sense. And Linda? Linda cannot sketch. But Linda is this woman,so she’s got this. I hope I’m wrong, but I have a bad feeling about that.
Tim is very, very impressed by Alex’s organizational skills and his outfit, but points out that the top might not be so versatile for all body types. As a 45 year old woman with two kids I concur. I do not want to show my upper waist and I’m pretty sure no one wants to see it.
If there were a drinking game going on right now and I had to imbibe every time Erin uses the word “like” I would be passed out in about 5 minutes. She sounds LIKE a Mormon valley girl. Her dress is interesting, but Tim isn’t sure about the bling. Erin is keeping the bling to take this woman from snacks to a night on the town. He wonders if Tasha’s is personal enough. Jenni is doing a drop crotch. An extreme drop crotch. Mah-Jing is doing a cool dress and Tim tells him to embrace his fabric choice of denim. Roberi justifies his boring look enough for Tim to give him a pass. Sarah needs some magic to her boring look which has a hole in the skirt. She makes it work by adding a tuxedo stripe. He tells Natalia she is over designing her look. Brik…..oh Brik. Knit pants and an Ann Taylor Jacket circa 1994, which I wore to my first day on the job trying to look like a grownup? Just no. Tim tells him to put down the green pleather he was going to put on the shoulders to make it look modern. He likes Dexter’s idea of the coat dress.
He tells Cornelius to tone it down some and create separates. Cornelius is not sure about this as he does NOT want to be safe. He wants to win and he will be pissed off, presumably at Tim, if he doesn’t. He keeps running around like a little bitch talking shit about other people’s designs. Mah-Jing called him a mean boy earlier. He’s right. Boy being the operative word.
Laurence is designing a utilitarian jumpsuit with a drop crotch. Perfect for going out or doing prison yard work. Tim points out that the silhouette will not work on all body types so Laurence re-evaluates. Laurence handles this very well. She keeps her design aesthetic intact but changes the shape to be more accommodating and less chairman Mao. This is using the critique in an appropriate way. And it works.
Kimber has nothing to show just yet, but she’s not worried. She will get it done! Uh huh. And again memo to Alex, Kimber and Rik, there are women out there who have breasts bigger than your average 12 year old boy. Trapeze tops and tight midriff-baring concoctions might NOT WORK FOR EVERYONE. No matter how cool the bottoms are. Just sayin. Linda’s urban knit Kimono is starting to stretch out in a most unflattering way. Which is saying something on a tall skinny 22 year old model.
Dexter imitating Laurence is hysterical. Cornelius is still an ass. His commentary on Brik’s pants is just mean. Alex is offended by Brik’s sloppy work and says he has no business being in this competition. This is harsh but true and doesn’t seem petty compared to Mean Boy’s comments. Kimber officially starts to lose her shit as she realizes she has sewn her top together inside out. Whoopsie Doodles! Erin is like, so like totally, like, confident. If I was still playing, my like, drinking game, my head would be in the like, toilet by now.
The Runway Show
Heidi comes out in a dress with a slit that leaves very, very little to the imagination. I wonder if Nina ever looks at Heidi with her sphinx expression and inwardly sighs and chants, tasteleveltasteleveltastelevel…. Like a mantra to keep herself calm. The actress Nina Dobrev is the guest judge. Since she is known for her personal style. Wait, no she isn’t. I have no idea why I wrote that and I am emailing Dita Von Teese right now begging her to guest star.
Laurence’s look is very very cool. She changed the fit and the jumpsuit will now work for lots of body types. It may not be everyone’s cup of tea, I like it a lot. I bet the judges will too. Alex’s pants are awesome, but I’m still not sure how I feel about the everyday woman wanting to bare her torso. I don’t think Rik knows any normal women with boobs, tummies or thighs. Jenni, that isn’t just a drop crotch, it is an UBER drop crotch. Kimber’s pants are okay, but her trapeze top, while not horrific, earned a smirk from Nina. Not good. Bye Linda. Nathalia shows a Neoprene body suit (what “normal” woman doesn’t want to rock that?) over a coat that looks like a goth TeleTubbie. Mah-Jing’s look is simple, but I love love love it. Sarah thinks her look is amazing, but I can’t remember it once it left the runway. Same thing for Roberi. Tasha’s look has a cool shape, but it’s boring. Can we just stop with the mesh? I’m still having trauma from All-Stars, mesh-wise. Dexter’s look is a much cooler version of what Nathalia did it’s cocoon coat in the Rick Owens school of volume. As much of a wanker as Cornelius is, I like his look. I’m 99% sure he is safe and is going to be pissed off. Erin’s look is fun and it is the right trapeze shape for all different body types. Neoprene done right (cough, Nathalia). Getting a Miu Miu vibe. Like Totally. The judges smile as it goes down the runway.
My Top Three
Laurence I like this a lot. Again, that’s just me. I love Marni and Jil Sander.
Mah-Jing Also love, but worried about simplicity factor.
Erin It’s cool, it’s her, and it’s not black or an earth tone.
My Bottom Three
Nathalia I don’t know what she is going for here. If you look fat in the bodysuit- just throw the massive coat on, et Voila! Problem Solved!
Linda Oh, Linda.
Brik Bye, Brik. We will miss your sunny attitude but not your schizo design sense.
The Judges Top Three
Alex Huh? I mean it is beautiful, but as Zak said, we have seen this before. Nina swoons over construction and Alex’s taste level. Even “ no-bra, probably not wearing undies, look at my thigh” Heidi likes it. I don’t care what Nina D says.
Laurence It’s just cool, like Laurence. When she explains it and points out the details it becomes even cooler. Heidi says her mom would wear it. Nina points out that Heidi’s mom is not the average 70+ year old. I don’t care what Nina D. says.
Erin Nina says charming. The waist gets cinched and the judges become even MORE enamored of this look. They are also happy about the color palette. They all say that they know who Erin is design wise. This early in the competition that’s a major compliment. Nina would buy. Heidi would not. Perhaps Heidi’s mom would? I don’t care what Nina D. says.
The Judges Bottom Three
Kimber Seriously WTF??? There were a lot worse looks on that runway! Construction issues and problems with the trapeze top. Pants GOOD, Top, BAAAD. Nina thinks the most interesting thing about the model is her hair. Nina D. disagrees. I grudgingly agree with Nina D.
Linda Linda’s did suck, obviously her “urban kimono” was a misfire. The judges point out the model, who weighs as much as my left thigh, now has a saggy bottom. Fabric choice was terrible. As Zak said, this was her challenge! Which I translate as, “ You are an ordinary not terribly interesting person! You should have nailed this!” The other judges agree. I am back to not caring what Nina D thinks.
Brik Brik actually had this cool girl friend in mind when he designed this. I would like to see a picture of this person because right about now she’s probably pissed at Brik. The only thing worse than a knot dress? Ugly knit pants. Nina says he went from having multiple personalities to no personalities. Nina D gets one comment in about it being like a mullet, business on top and a party on the bottom. I give her another teeny tiny grudging nod of agreement.
Winner Laurence! Wow! I thought it would be Erin again, that was kind of a shocker. Laurence is very happy in her euro-fabulous way taking it all in. Erin looks like she swallowed a lemon drop from the last challenge.
Auf’ed Linda??????? WHAT THE FUCK???? Brik should have gone home. And then gone back to school. I’m pissed!
What were your favorite and least favorite looks? Would you have sent Brik home over Linda?