It’s time to check in the Felons By Bravo and their mob connections. I love how the dude that is going mental outside of Teresa’s book signing party has the random felon graphic under his name. Where ‘s Joe’s felon graphic? Or Teresa’s? Why only give the graphic to this particular felon? Why not just pop up a graphic that says “been to camp before.” You know, like the cute labels that Teresa uses? Oh I forgot. We finished up the altercation with the felon last week. I remember almost nothing about last episode.
Siggy & Dolores Family Scenes
First we have to check in with Siggy and her kids. Sophie is headed off to Jew Camp. Joshua got a driver’s license. Siggy goes out to dinner with her ex husband and the kids. Oh and the new wife that Siggy picked out for him, and their kid. Who pick’s out the next wife? I do not like the way that Joshua treats his mother. He’s a jackass. Apparently the occasion was Joshua’s birthday. When they walk out, there is a brand new SUV waiting for him. I was starting to wonder why the episode was called Driving Miss Siggy.
Dolores doesn’t seem to realize that Frankie is almost 18. Andy Cohen knows this well, but Dolores, not so much. Dolores is so very Jersey. And so is the manager of her gym. Dolores really wants the men in her life to take care of her. Her manager is literally giving Dolores orders. Because she really needs someone to do that.
The schiesty lawyer drops by to check on his two favorite clients. He greets them both with a kiss. I’ve never seen him kiss Joe before. Then, he starts talking about Teresa’s book orders. What kind of attorney manages their client’s book signings? This guy must be making money hand over fist with these two idiots. He has concerns about Joe and his upcoming incarceration. He doesn’t think Joe is going to be smart enough not to buddy up with the wrong people. I paused the TV to type and when I got ready to start up I noticed the way that Teresa was looking at her attorney. I’ve never looked at my attorneys like that. I’m just saying. It would not surprise me if she hooked up with this guy when Joe goes away. Teresa is not very smart about who she buddies up with either. And she will have to pay that bill somehow. Joe is going to have a rough detox in Jail.
Teresa takes Joe to a couples yoga session to help him with his stress about prison. Joe says that Milania has talked to him about her concerns that he is going to be gone so much longer than Teresa. Teresa says she just told the girls she was going to work. Joe says all the girls knew she was in prison, even the little one. Teresa didn’t want to tell her girls that she went to prison, because prison is for bad people and she’s not a bad person so she didn’t want to confuse the girls. The picture stopped on Teresa’s rapid blinking at the end of that lie.
I am not going to acknowledge the fake male chauvinist storyline.
Melissa cooks a big, Italian Sunday dinner for the extended family. I can’t with the cooking in aluminium pans. So toxic. Buy some big expensive baking dishes. It’s not like you’re poor!
Teresa takes Audrina and Milania over to see Nick. Oh there is Gabriella trying to stay off camera. I missed her while typing. Jac was very grateful that Teresa came over and brought the kids to play with Nick. It was actually a touching moment.
How long did it take the mood to strew a few toys around for Melissa to pick up when Siggy showed up? I love Siggy, but I have no idea what qualifies her to give relationship advice.
Dolores drops by a Kathy and Rich’s place to chat with them and Rosie. Of course the subject is Teresa and how she has discarded parts of her family since doing her time. Dolores had no idea she was shunning them.
Oh no. Victoria fainted twice on the day this was filmed. It seems like I read about this and I am going to hate hearing about it on this season because I am perhaps the only fan of the Wakiles (yes, including Rich, maybe even especially Rich and Rosie not quite as much.) All of Victoria’s surgeries have put Kathy and Rosie into a serious “Life is too short for all the drama” mode. They want to reconcile with their family. Kathy and Rosie decide to go to the book signing tonight.
Teresa’s Book Signing
It’s the last book signing before Teresa goes to the pokey. Of course they are going in the largest black limo they could find in the tri-state area, because Teresa literally has no shame. I assumed that perhaps Teresa was going to pick up fifty of her closest friend in this giant limo, but now I see Chris Laurita driving Jac and Dolores to the event. Dolores fills Jac in on the situation with Kathy and Rosie. Jac seems to not really know the issue between Kathy and Rosie, and if she does she’s not sharing it. She does say that Teresa doesn’t feel like she has done anything wrong. Well of course she doesn’t. Teresa never feels like she’s done anything wrong.
It least there doesn’t seem to be too many fans at Teresa’s book signing. I don’t understand why she has any at all, but people used to show up to meet OJ after he killed Nicole and Ron. Some people are completely capable of overlooking felon crimes against other as long as the perpetrator is reasonably attractive and has a fake smile and a fake personality in public. Dear God, they are bringing their children to meet her! What do they say, “Hey let’s go to Barnes and Noble to meet this nice lady who stole $14 million dollars and still gets to live in a mansion and buy expensive clothes. When we leave, I’ll show you her limo! Maybe when you grow up, you can steal a lot of money and have nice things too!” Teresa tells us when she was in prison, she was praying for forgiveness for all of her crimes. Oh wait, no she didn’t do that because she did nothing wrong. What she did was she asked God to please let the public still love her so she can have large crowds at her book signings. Seriously, that is what she said.
The Joe’s talk and I pause the TV to try to determine if Juicy’s Burberry scarf is fake or not. If it isn’t that’s $450 bucks around his neck.
Kathy and Rosie arrive and buy a book to get signed. Teresa gives a dumb excuse about why she didn’t get the text. It’s awkward. Rosie invites Teresa to lunch, them. We know this happens because on the previews we see Teresa scream at them that they are cancers she wants to cut out of her life. Teresa says that her time is too precious right now to be bothered with them. Ah a flashback. Apparently Teresa is mad about a scene from last scene where Kathy and Rosie’s mother said something about her criminal charges. Teresa also tells us that they never reached out to her when she was in prison. I’m going to go out on a limb and guess that she didn’t put them on her email list or her visitation list. She did the same thing to Melissa and she is BFFs with her now. She says in her confessional, “I’m sorry if I am not dying to go out to lunch with family members that stab me in the back. Rosie’s heartfelt begging is sad to watch. Rosie apologized to Joe for her drunken outburst over the phone on NYE when she was at the Wakiles and not invited to spend the holiday with Joe. Joe was civil and then made an excuse to walk off. Juicy goes up to Teresa and trash talks Rosie. What scum these two are.
Next Week: Ashley gets engaged. Teresa and Dolores try to talk some sense into Teresa only to have her scream at them for “sticking up for them.” And we get the meeting with Rosie and Kathy where Teresa calls them cancer. This is some sad, negative shit.