And Wells Adams.
Who cares about the played out Nick and Josh drama? Ashley I is the new Chad! And I love it!
When Wells Adams arrives it is as if the heavens have parted and delivered Wells directly to Ashley I. Wells is cute young thing from Nashville, Tennessee. He was on JoJo’s season of The Bachelorette, but JoJo has incredibly bad taste in men and chose some douchebag instead. Wells love dogs as evidenced by his constant dog photos on his instagram, and tacos, both of which figured prominently on his date with Ashley. Never one to get intimate too fast, Wells was the only guy not to kiss Jo Jo on The Bachelorette. Wells and Ashley had a charming date going out for tacos at an outdoor cafe. They encountered a stray dog (imaging that, a dog with no rabies cleared for filming just wander to the table) which they both bed and petted and cooed over. A great time was had by all. Wells even made out with Ashley for his first on screen kiss!
However, the end of last night’s show, morning broke and Wells was the first and only one up when Jami (who?) showed up with a date card. She asked. He said yes and off they went on some day long adventure while Ashley and the rest of the crowd slept in.
Ashley took the news very well, but she was a bit bored without Wells, so she used her time to get that bitch Kaila out of her Paradise. After a brief talk, Caila was ready to leave Paradise forever. Excellent work, Ashley. I can’t wait to see what you do to Jami. Did I mention the twins left too? For some reason that sent three guys home when I thought only one was going. The twins must have finally been uncoupled to play as two separate humans, only to leave together without finding love, and sending three guys home two that I have no idea who they were, and comic relief, Canookian Daniel.
Tonight, Jami and Wells return from their date and another young woman, Shushanna arrives with a date card. Apparently, Wells is the new Jared because she asks Wells as well! It’s almost like this is all planned out by production!
So Jared left with Caila, which is AWESOME. I am sick to death of Jared. That explains why when Shushanna gets here she picks Wells again too. She even maintains her cool when Wes comes back with Jami raving about how much fun their all day date on dune buggies or whatever was.
I forgot to mention that Izzy dumped Vinny the other day for some Brett guy who showed up last week? Poor Vinny always gets put in the friend zone. Who will he give his rose to? Oh wait, a blond named Lauren wanders in and Brett is salivating. This would be awesome karma for Izzy.
Shushanna, soon to be dubbed the Russian hooker by our girl Ashley, arrives and she has a double date card with Lauren. So Wells and the Russian Euro Trash and Lauren and Brett head off on a date.
I’m enjoying the Mexican scenery thinking of how pretty it looks and then remember that El Chapo’s son was just kidnapped from that area. Then the jeep comes to a stop to let the foursome out and there is a place in the background that has yellow crime scene tape wrapped around it. Oddly it is only there in one of the shots of them getting out, but not when they pull up. I’m now obsessed with spotting La Leche on one of these dates.
The gang gets surf lessons and all head out to try their luck at catching some waves. Brett’s date Lauren is the most annoying person in the world. Her facial expressions and her voice make me want to put on a blindfold and some earplugs.
Somehow the erectile dysfunction specialist landed his woman. He has not problems getting erections as seen by the large black box hiding his groin region.
Dumbass Amanda after being told by EVERYONE what a huge, worthless, douche Josh is, is yammering to the cameras about wanting to get engaged to him. I wonder which was filmed first, this show or Famously Single? Because he was a douche on that show too.
Next Week is already the finale episodes! A sad and grim reminder that summer is ending. And once again the time that Ashley gets her heartbroken. But there will be a record number of proposals!