Welcome back, the few, the embarrassed the Teen Mom fans. And thanks to the brave souls that actually comment on these posts. I feel like most of us watched this a million years ago when it all started and now, we just can’t stop watching the trainwreck.
But first, Janelle has officially copped to being pregnant with the latest criminal she is sleeping with, David Eason. It’s a girl, and the have already named it Ensley Jolie Eason. She claims her due date is January 28th. I predict it will “come early” sometime in December.
But wait, there’s more, Nathan, baby daddy #2 of 3 was arrested again this week. It appears that despite moving on to some new idiot girlfriend a couple of months ago, Nathan went to Jessica’s (who I believe was the last idiot sleeping with this fool, that we saw and the show and the one Janelle attacked) house and broke in during the night and tried to choke her out while begging her to get back together with him. Didn’t Janelle claim he climbed in her window after they broke up?
Okay back to the OG clan.
Ryan and his latest girlfriend have broken up. Ryan looks like he has gained a lot of weight. He also looks a bit depressed. Maybe he can go to depression camp with Catelynn. Meanwhile, his dad wants him to find someone to settle down and give him another grandbaby. Ryan is another gene pool we don’t need to dip into anymore.
Maci is planning her wedding. And by planning her wedding I mean gluing glitter on to wine glasses. She is still not copping to being pregnant. Later Maci asks if she is fat. There is no way on earth she doesn’t know she is pregnant. This is not her first or even her second rodeo. She finally takes a pregnancy test that she just happens to have laying around. And what do you know. She’s pregnant. She gave birth to her third child, a boy they named Maverick on May 31st. Um, I am pretty sure this filmed in February, so she was six months along before they took the test? Okay I googled and she got engaged in mid January. So yes five and a half or six months along before she acknowledged being pregnant.
It’s Sophia’s seventh birthday and frankly it’s a miracle she made it to age seven with all she has to go through. Farrah’s mom immediately points out what a traumatic experience the birth was and then tells Farrah that her “boyfriend” was posting her (Farrah’s mom) mugshot on the Internet. This whole mugshot controversy seems so last season. It’s odd that it is being brought up now. Farrah says “You started it!”
At the party, Michael brings his new girlfriend Amy! He politely introduces her to Debra and after the quickest of hellos, Debra downs a glass of wine. Simon is polite to Debra. Debra downs more wine. Empowered by the wine, she pulls Simon aside. Simon did a great job of handling Debra. He was firm but not insulting.
Is it me or has Sophia been missing her two front teeth for like three seasons? Farrah is still fishing for a ring from Simon. Farrah seems really old school with her fear of being 30 and single. Get with the times, Farrah. You already had a kid out-of-wedlock, so there is really not rush to the altar. Marriage is going the way of the cassette tape.
Farrah’s mom and Simon are apparently besties now and spending their time together monitoring social media about Teen Mom while Farrah is out doing her thing. They have discovered that Matt tried for Farrah before settling with Amber. He also tried to hook up with Jenelle. Of the three, I think he got lucky with Amber.
Matt has a male friend in town for a visit. Amber asks him for an embarrassing story about Matt. Seriously? Him having more kids than Kate Gosselin not embarrassing you enough right now? Later, Matt vents to his friend about all the negativity in the press about his vast spreading of his seed. Over a few beers, Matt says he can’t let that get to him or it would fuck with his sobriety. The problem with the world as I see it is that the more shallow the genetic pool, the more offspring that are spewing into the world. We really need to have a tax on people with children instead of tax breaks for procreating. The world is way over crowded and something will eventually have to be done.
Let me just say that I think Gary is the most stable person on this show. His new wife Kristina seems pretty level headed as well. I realize it is all relative, but still. Let’s look for the bright spots. He is a bit concerned about Matt and how much time he spends with Leah while Amber sleeps. But he seems to be handling things well.
Matt and his friend Jeff get tattoos while Leah and Amber get pedicures. Matt has a clean and sober tattoo. Clearly, while he might be clean, he is not sober. This time he got a hand holding a sign that says Gabba Gabba Hey. Apparently, that is a Ramones thing. The things idiots tattoo on their bodies. Sigh.
Matt tells Amber not to even comment on the stories that he is a Teen Mom fan who tried two other girls before he got to her. She calls Farrah and they compare notes. Amber knows that Matt is lying to her. Amber says she has called off the October wedding but they are still engaged.
Tyler and Catelynn’s new house is a serious fixer upper. Catelynn’s depression is back. I have a lot of compassion for her regarding that issue. Tyler suggests she call Dr. Drew for some help. Dr. Drew calls and lets her know that her daily pot smoking can keep her Zoloft from working. Dr. Drew agrees to consult with her therapist.
Catelynn goes to see her therapist and she talks about her family history of depression. Nothing much happened with thee two this episode.