I am totally confused about why the Shahs reunion is tonight. What are we missing for this to be on tonight? I slept an entire day away after staying up all night again. I really have to try to be awake during the day. I think I could sleep another ten hours right now, so I’m going to bang this out and go back to bed.
I love how this is the only series where they have champagne tons of food. So we start with all the food scenes from the season.
We all pretend that Shervin is straight. Suddenly, Shervin and GG are BFFs. Even though Shervin did not stick up for her.
Reza interrupts Andy’s little Shervin time to start going in on Golnesa right away. He is super pissed about the sex tape thing. The show can’t even discuss anyone else at all with Reza making it all about him and we are not even ten minutes in. Reza just screams at Golnesa and says she needs mental help. Her BFF, Shervin just sits there while Reza screams insults at Golnesa. I’m bored already. Let’s get to the part where Reza cries.
Andy stops the fighting to completely suck up to Reza. He loves Reza. He thinks he is a gay icon. Reza is going to have two eggs implanted in two different women one his and one Adam’s. We do not need Reza to procreate.
For some reason we start ganging up on MJ. Mike and Asa both have issues with Mercedeh. They are actually arguing over the fact that Asa eats too fast. Asa says that MJ is not a loyal friend and she badmouths her businesses to anyone who will listen. Why didn’t we have any inkling of this during filming? Apparently, the basis of the issue between MJ and Asa stems from when Vida was on WWHL and said that Asa needs to stop making the show all about her businesses. MJ says that Asa thinks MJ told her mother to say that. Asa says that MJ is jealous of her success. MJ says that Asa is just thin skinned and can’t handle Vida’s comments so she blames them on Mercedeh. MJ says that she and Asa are never going to be friends again and ends it with “With all do respect, Fuck You!” This is so weird, I never saw any of this on the show. It’s kind of sad.
Time to discuss all the trips. Apparently GG got thrown out of the first class lounge at the airport for twerking in a thong and acting crazy. MJ says they never reenter the country without have to go through extra security. Golnesa said watching the camping trip back was very difficult to watch. GG says she has her drinking under control now. Mike says GG has made a lot of progress. Reza goes back into attack mode and says over and over that Golnesa is mentally unstable and he is afraid of her.
Mike seems to still be in love with Jessica. They are not officially divorced yet because is is a long process. We do a whole montage of their relationship. It was really sad to watch. Mike says he really fucked up. You can tell he still wants Jessica back.
Andy wants to talk about Jessica dating another man. Reza asks Andy to “get off Mike” yet he thinks it is just fine for him to continue to verbally abuse GG every time he opens his mouth. Mike says watching her move on to someone else was worse than the actual breakup itself. Andy shows us a Twitter war between MJ and Jessica. MJ claims that Jessica moved on from Mike to the guy accused of rape for a Land Rover. Jessica shoots back that MJ bounces from dick to dick for no car. It is odd that she is attacking Jessica when I was told that the entire cast was angry at Mike for cheating on Jessica in the first place. Reza and Jessica also got into it. Reza says he doesn’t want to say anything bad about the new guy because he doesn’t want to end up dead. Andy says he heard he was in jail or something. Mike says he is dating for physical relations but he is not interested in a relationship. Mike said he spent months listening to Justin Bieber and crying over Jessica.
MJ says the first time she met Tommy she noticed him standing there with an erection when she got out of her Uber. Then they went to his apartment, watched some episodes of Friends and had sex. Well then. When you know, you know I guess. Reza says that Tommy is perfect for her. I will refrain from sharing the whole dick shaking and pissing metaphors replete with gestures I wish I could unsee.
Vida still hates Tommy. Time for Vida and Tommy to come out. Vida says Tommy is immoral. She was unhappy with the photo shoot in Belize. Unfortunately we have to watch him essentially eating MJ’s ass once again. I have to agree with Vida that was pretty disgusting. Vida really can’t stand Asa either. She tells Asa if she wants to take ass photos she needs to use her own giant ass. Wow. Vida says Asa took filthy pictures of MJ and called it art. MJ says the are getting married in June of next year. Tommy says he will not allow the baby around Vida. Mercedeh gets very emotional talking about having children. This is something she has wanted for a long time. MJ talks about her dad who everyone says is the nicest guy on the planet. She was raised by her father. I think Vida sort of abandoned the family at some point. Mike and Reza are both very supportive of MJ. Reza starts crying and making it all about him again. He says that Vida and MJ’s dad were there for him when he was young before he came out as gay. He says he will be forever grateful for their support during his stressful youth. Andy points out that Reza got the love and acceptance that MJ always wanted from her mother.
Mike tells MJ she is going to regret the things she is saying about Asa. I finally agree with Mike about something. It looks like part two of the reunion is tomorrow. That is when we see Reza cry like a little bitch. So, something to look forward to.