It feels like it has been years since I last watched an episode of RHOMel.I am not even sure if we saw the reunion. I can barely remember who I like an who I don’t at this point. It’s all going to be brand new to me! Also, it should go without saying, but please don’t spoil us Yanks on the season. I know it is already over in Australia and probably available online, but we are going to watch along on the US schedule here.
Chyka has a closet that looks like a mid-sized boutique. I would need a maid just for my closet to keep it looking like that. And she would have to live-in. At least she has her very fashion forward husband Bruce to help her select accessories. Is his beard a new thing? Because his FACE looks different. The beard on his face. How do people who make so much money manage to leave their businesses behind to travel the world for eight straight weeks? I can’t even take a weekend off or everything goes to pot. I need more interns.
Chyka is hosting a
promotional event for an author named Paula Hawkins book club for the girls. They are reading The Girl on The Train. I’ve judged it by the cover to be good. We should all read it. #PromotionalSuccess She’s invited Jackie and Janet and the new girl Susie McClean. I wish Susie would have replaced Pettifleur and I haven’t even laid eyes on Susie yet. Chyka’s friends Hannah and Felicity are also there.
The Book Club
Susie is very… confident. She’s athletic, a clothes whore, and a baker. She has two sons. She is twice divorced and not currently dating. Janet seems to know Susie and immediately starts being nice nasty. Janet also announces that Shane Warne has asked her out. I don’t believe this unless I see this. Sorry Janet. Janet says she was too busy for the date but stopped by afterward for a booty call. She brings up that Lydia seemed bothered by that. Susie says that where there’s smoke, there’s fire. Susie says that she doesn’t think Lydia knows the first thing about cricket but she is very involved with Shane’s charity in London. I just checked and I don’t even see any direct flights from Melbourne to London. It’s a full 24 hours to even get there. This may bet the world’s longest booty call.
This recap is becoming very choppy because we keep switching back and forth between this group of cackling hens gossiping about Lydia and Lydia and Pettifleur talking about Janet. I want to be team Lydia, dammit! And all of these bitches are siding with Janet. Where is Gina? Is she negotiating her contract or something? Get her in here to be team Lydia with me!
Pettifleur & Lydia AKA Not In The Club
Ugh. Petti has also been away for a couple of months. Something about fat camp I think she said. I have trouble understanding her. I really want Lydia to be my favorite but she always latches on to the wrong women. These two are meeting to catch up now that everyone is back from holiday. Pettifleur is already being a bitch to Lydia so maybe this friendship will not last. Apparently, there I some sort of rumor about Lydia having an affair with a British cricket player, Shane Warne. Lydia has denied this on multiple occasions.
Lydia says she has something against “grandma”, aka Janet. Apparently, Janet and Lydia are in a constant social media battle on Twitter.
I almost forgot about Gamble. But Pettifleur didn’t. She is still mad that Gamble made fun of her stupid bitch book last season. It’s only the first episode and my dislike of Pettifleur is building rapidly. She blames Gamble for Omarosa’s attorney sending her a cease and desist. She claims she had to pay a lawyer. She’s a fool. Omarosa has no standing regarding a book title. Book titles are not eligible for copyright. I could publish a book called Gone With The Wind or 50 Shades of Grey tomorrow. Omarosa just wanted to be on TMZ and rode Pettifleur’s coat tail to get there. Just like she is riding Trump’s dick for attention now.
Back to the idiots at hand, neither Pettifleur or Lydia know the phrase “two wrongs don’t make a right.”
Pettifleur says that Rick and Gamble met on Sugardaddy dot com. Lydia says who cares? And now Pettifleur is pissed at Lydia for not being scandalized and running with the gossip. YAY! I have no idea why Rick would need to be on that site. He’s very attractive and rich. What is he hiding?
Gina has hired a hot young male assistant to, Josh, help her navigate her success. He is clueless. But he’s pretty!
Susie invites Gina to her baking day. It seems like Susie knows nothing about Gina. And Gina asks to bring Pettifleur! WHY? There is not room on Team Gina for Pettifleur!
Gamble apparently has many talents but none of them include a sense of taste. However, I sort of like Gamble’s idea to basically dress up a Geisha for her wedding. It seems fitting. And she’s quirky.
Didn’t we think that Andrew and Lydia had gotten a secret divorce or something during season two because we rarely saw hair nor hide of him? Oddly, now they seem quite close. I’m going to guess open marriage.
Lydia’s interactions with her housekeeper are supposed to be funny, like Jeff Lewis and Zoila. But they don’t translate well to me. Joanna is stuck driving Lydia around in her own car like she is an Uber driver.
Chyka and Bruce’s daughter Francesca, who is 21 and newly licensed to drive, borrowed dad’s car without permission while they were on holiday and sideswiped something. It was not a dent issue but a long paint exchange the entire length of the car. This whole scene seemed like something that would occur at age 16 not 21. At 21 she should have had it fixed before they came home. Right? Surely they left her a pile of money while they traveled.
Lydia & Gamble
Yes! This is a pair I can get behind. If I tie 80% of my brain behind my back. Lydia is quick to tell her what Pettifleur is saying about her. Gamble says she met Rick on eHarmony. This makes way more sense.
Susie’s Baking Day
It’s the first all cast gathering and all of the landmines have been laid. Things go well until Lydia arrives.
Pettifleur talks to Gina about kicking her son Nathan and his girlfriend out of the house for mooching off of her. Now she misses him, because she is very co-dependent with him. I think she was probably pissed he got a girlfriend. It’s likely he just moved out.
Susie starts prying into Lydia’s business and asks her if she is having an affair with Shane. Lydia is offended. Then Susie brings up that Shane invited her over for a booty call. This Susie girl is messy. And she is Team Janet. Bleck! Lydia says she wasn’t upset with the booty call, she was shocked because Janet doesn’t seem his type. Lydia calls Janet old, Janet calls Lydia an idiot. Both of these things are obvious. What is the point of constantly pointing it out?
Gamble joins the discussion to confront Pettifleur. Pettifleur is pissed that Lydia ran to Gamble and told her everything she said.
Jackie runs to Susie, Chyka and Gina and tells them Lydia is a flip flopper. This causes Susie to dash into the middle of it and come after Lydia. Apparently, Lydia spread rumors about Susie after one of her divorces. This is very time consuming to recap. I may just have to do a discussion post in the future. Gamble threatens to sue Pettifleur for slander. Then tells Pettifleur to go fuck herself and leaves. This event sounds like cats fucking in the bushes.
Next Week: It looks like everyone has selected Lydia to bully this season.
Eight women on this show is about three to many. I’m not fond of the new one. At least not yet.