I need another day in this weekend! I have been in a weird headspace and my body just feels like it is slogging through mud in order to do anything at all. So this I going to be a slow recap night. It took me three days to get the latest RHOA tea up. It’s good. You really should check it out. Any why does Banjo need to go out at precisely 8 pm every night. At least he is regular I guess.
We start with Teresa’s suspect lawyer making a statement to the press outside her house. He has clearly worked himself in to a paid role. Is he the first male FOH? It would seem so. He had more airtime last week than the new fulltime housewives. Everyone pretends to watch this on the news from their phones at home. What we saw was Bravo filming it.
Jacqueline seems to cry. Then she sees the new Lexus SUV with a bow. She says, “Same old Teresa.” Exactly. What kind of idiot does that the second they are out of prison for robbing people? The Joe and Melissa stories are staged and filmed much later than we are supposed to believe. Melissa doesn’t understand that Teresa refused to let her visit because she didn’t want to be seen in her worst moments by an adversary. It’s one of those “Never let them see you cry” sort of things.
Milania gets her eyebrows waxed for the first time on Christmas Eve. It was her idea. I fully expect to hear a lot of Teresa bashing over it, but kids can be really mean and I think it’s fine.
Tre needs to be home by 11:30 to avoid violating her probation, but I love that she told the kids it was because Santa Claus is coming and they all need to be in bed so he can come.
Since Teresa is a much talked about Felon by Bravo, she is able to sell her family Christmas to People magazine. CHA CHING! Crime does pay. Teresa says that her price has never been as high as it is now. She sold a photo of her coming home in the car and her family Christmas to the same paparazzi. So all of that, “Oh my the paps are following us” was totally staged and a contract was signed in advance. These people. Then she has to duck the whole way over to Joe’s house so that no other people get her photo. She so loves this. One day back and it is same old Teresa.
Teresa and Joe try to figure out why we celebrate Christmas. It’s like that one year when Teresa didn’t know what a nativity scene was.
Teresa and Melissa try to come to a détente. Teresa goes over every event since the christening and let’s Melissa know everything is her fault and that Tre is being the bigger person. Teresa cannot take any responsibility for any of her behavior, EVER.
Apparently the best way to introduce a new housewife these days is through fake TV therapy. That is the route we are going with Dolores. In a nutshell, Dolores divorced her first husband because he had an affair he was not willing to stop. Her fiancé turned out to be a cheated as well. She has recently moved back into the house she had when she was married. Dolores is used to being codependent.
Gia is asking Teresa and Joe Gorga if she can go out for NYE. Joe Giudice walks in and he is really mean to Gia. I think he resentful towards her because she literally had to take over running the house while Teresa was locked up in prison. She had to be the head of household and he got bossed around. But you can tell by her face that she doesn’t like him calling her a fathead and a pain in the ass. Joe tells her to do whatever she wants for NYE.
Teresa and Siggy go out to get manicures. Teresa looks like she has had bad eye surgery. Maybe she has been crying? Teresa talks about being away with women, and “the women in her dorm.” HILARIOUS. Even in prison the cellmates don’t call each other women in their dorm. They call each other bunkies. Dolores is having a birthday so she will have a party. I love how these shows make a big deal out of birthdays. Dolores want Tre and Jac to make up for her birthday. She should have asked for something more likely, perhaps winning the MegaMillions.
Jac and Ashley. Blech.
I don’t know what to say about the building of Envy. It’s boring and I don’t believe that Joe Gorga doesn’t want Melissa to work. It’s a stupid fake storyline. So is Melissa pretending like she “is the boss of” these people. It’s not really even her store.
Happy New Year!
Jacqueline and Teresa are having competing NYE party. Rino catered all of Teresa’s party. I wish we could see Rino this season. We don’t have to see the wives.
Kathy and Rich and Rosie are not invited to Teresa’s and are stuck at Jacqueline’s. I know you guys don’t like Rich but I do. He’s a bit crude, but I like him. I’m sort of a Lebanese fan having spent much of my formative years in Lebanon.
All of Melissa and Joe’s family is there. Joe who told Gia she doesn’t give a shit what she does is not telling Teresa she has to tell Gia to be home before the ball drops. What an asshole Juicy is. I say stay out and come home before 1 am Gia. I get she is only 14, but if you are going to let her go to a NYE party at all (and I would not) then she has to be there for the countdown, or what is the point. Then she needs time for the ride home. That still leaves her plenty of time to get knocked up at the party.
Dolores is the go between for Teresa and Jacqueline. She is leaving Tre’s party to go to Jacqueline. Teresa calls Jac to extend an olive branch and wish her happy new year. Her cousins shout out, “Happy New Year!” to Tre and she asks Jac who they were. Really? They are your family members that you didn’t invite and haven’t seen since you got home from your stint in prison. Remember them? Rosie is hurt and doesn’t know why Teresa hates her.
Gia is home at 12:15. Everyone is drunk enough to hug and make up. Even Gia and Juicy.
Next Week: Jac goes to visit Teresa