It’s time for another episode of RHONY and I’m in no mood for all the shouting. I already whined about my Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day, so I will try to keep my whining to a minimum. In case you missed it, Luann’s fiancé, Tom spoke out on his relationship with Sonja and Ramona. I don’t know why y’all are so confused. Sonja lies and exaggerates everything she says. Maybe I will point this out to you in this recap. We begin where we left off where Bethenny brings up that Tom has dated Sonja and Ramona and Sonja just wants us to know that she has slept with him. Because this is what grown women do at dinner. Particularly if Dorinda is the hostess. It’s pure mayhem. Look how red Luann’s chest is as she stops to tell Dorinda and Jules she is leaving. (Photo above) I literally thought she had a red blouse on for a moment.
Everyone begins to talk about Luann and Bethenny talks about the Countess Luann who was rich and thought she was better than everyone. You know when she acted like Bethenny acts now. Ramona has a sudden glimpse of conscience and texts Luann that she is sorry. Because Ramona is constantly apologizing for her behavior. Bethenny practically screams at her that she is not paying attention to her soliloquy about how Luann behaved eight years ago which has zero relevance to how this group of bitches is all behaving in the present. Now that’s entitlement! AND THEN!!!! We cut to a confessional of Bethenny’s where she say Ramona has diarrhea of the mouth. I can’t with Bethenny this season.
More lies from Sonja. Because she realizes no one knew anything about this relationship she claims with Tom, she starts letting us know that she kept it a secret. Sonja was on Cocktails with Khloe going through her list of sexual conquests talking about how she screwed some guy on the lawn while occupants of the building all watched. That’s Sonja being discreet. She lied about everything else on that show, so who knows what is ever true with her. But she is certainly not discreet. Remember her drunken meltdown on the streets of NYC?
Jules tries to squash the Luann bashing by saying she’s our friend and we shouldn’t be talking about her behind her back like this. Carole comes for her saying “this is what friends do.” Jules and I both think, “Wow, really?” And mentally check her off our friend list. Because, no. That is not what friends do. Bethenny says that the last time she talked to Luann she was bleeding from every orifice and Luann never asked about her. Um, you announced it and kept bringing it up when all Lu wanted to do was get the stupid invite to Mexico so she could go on about her actual life. Jules points out that Bethenny has never inquired about the condition of her pistachio, or for that matter anything else about her. Bethenny doesn’t even know what she is talking about. There is a dreaded “let me pull out my phone and read texts” moment by Bethenny that I believe the rulebooks states is only to be done at the reunion. Jules points out that this is stupid. Bethenny shoots back with “Stupid is as stupid does.”
And now Jules has had it. She is sick and tired of Bethenny portraying her as stupid. She is starting to choke up. But she lets Bethenny have it. She tells Bethenny that her sense of humor is about making fun of other people. Bethenny does not digest any of this and in her confessional she says that Jules is a self-deprecator, so she opens the door to her attacks. Plus Jules said she was old. This is how Bethenny thinks. Making self-deprecating jokes is an invitation to mock the person.
I am not even going to recap the eating disorder conversation where two people with full blown eating disorders that they are in denial about, accuse Jules of being in denial. Bethenny blames her traumatic childhood with her mother with the eating disorder for being a bitch to Jules. Jules says she is still struggling and has slip ups and purged three days ago. Dorinda tells the bitches that they are insensitive about Jules bulimia. She says Bethenny is very reactionary and Carole is just flat out mean. We end the scene with Bethenny being offended. Because it is all about Bethenny. How does one become so arrogant?
Luann and Ramona get together the next day to attempt to reconcile. Ramona lies about talking shit about Luann. The she starts her incoherent rambling, the theme of which is apparently that Luann is not in love with Tom because you have to know someone for a full year to fall in love. Ramona is annoying as fuck. I don’t know why Luann even talks to her. I can’t take this constant bickering. Are there no calm moments on this episode?
Carole has Dorinda and Bethenny over to….. talk about Bethenny’s vagina and talk about Jules behind her back some more. Bethenny and Carole want nothing to do with Jules. Because they are bitches with black hearts. Adam should have made the heart shaped crap he made black.
Sonja is having a dinner party and has borrowed her brother in law’s butler or some such nonsense for the event. If I understand correctly he is her ex-husband’s brother’s butler. That’s interesting. I think that Dorinda and John would have preferred that one of the idiot interns had answered the door for them in a timely fashion. Bethenny will not be attending because stress is bad for her vagina. Oh, and she hates Sonja. Michael comes to dinner with Jules. Bethenny likes Michael and is on his side during the divorce. Sonja’s blind date for the event is Rocco.
Sonja thinks the hostess should always make an entrance to the party. No. Actually, the hostess should open the damn door and greet her guests when they arrive and not have everyone shoved in a room with no one to introduce the guests to one another. I did love the story about the table linens. It was a very lovely dinner. For a change.
It’s time for the party bus to Mohegan Sun. Carole and Bethenny are already bitching because Jules is there. What the hell has Jules ever done to them exactly? Oh wait, she is skinnier than they are. That’s all it is. Sonja had a post put in for an implant and is high off the meds they gave her. Luann has announced her engagement to the press. Bethenny is pissed that Luann didn’t tell her first. WHAT? All Bethenny does is demean her. What planet is Bethenny living on? Bethenny then starts talking about how Jules hurt HER feelings to Dorinda and Carole. They are in a tiny van. What the hell is wrong with Bethenny.
Bethenny gets drunk and tries to make up to Sonja. I actually think Bethenny was right with how she handled Sonja. Well not the refusing to film with her part, but the stern conversation. In her confessional, she belittles Sonja. That was also unnecessary.
Much like this entire episode.
Now if you will excuse me, I have a date with my GBF, Jeff Lewis. I’ll recap it for you.