It’s time for more Vagina Monologues by Bethenny Frankel, um Yay?
We start with a group scene (of all the girls that Bethenny and Carole will film with) and a discussion of Jules’ vagina then Bethenny comes in and actually announces that it is the Vagina Monologues. At least we will hear about Jules’ vagina and not just Bethenny’s meanwhile, play along with me as we drink each time someone says ‘vagina.” I hope Bravo realizes half of the gay men have changed channels in the first three minutes. OH MY GOD! Jules has photos on her phone of her bruised and bloody vagina that she is passing around. It’s like a contest! Bethenny forges ahead with her vagina story and says that Dorinda came with her to the doctor. Jules points out that must have been a comfort to have Dorinda with her. Bethenny says, “Imagine me bringing YOU!” and busts out laughing in Jules face. Jules very sweetly points out in her confessional that Bethenny’s humor is at other people’s expense. Something I discussed at length here. Bethenny then suddenly cries for herself. Wow.
The point of the gathering is to make their own pizzas. Jules wants to put lidocaine in her pizza. Which is ridiculous. But I would love to by her tube of 5% lidocaine from her. Carole who loves to discuss eating drug laced gummy bears can’t seem to figure out why someone with a broken vagina would have a topical pain killer, so she mocks Jules in her talking head and then brings up her eating disorder. Carole even asks her how much she weighs on camera after she specifically said she doesn’t want to know how much she ways. God, Carole is an insufferable, hangry bitch. No wonder she and Bethenny get along so well.
Ramona leaves with a pizza and a plate to go on a date. Bethenny mocks her on the way out the door. Jules and Dorinda step outside to smoke. Bethenny immediately says that Jules is smoking because the food is coming. While they are outside Carole tells Bethenny that Jules says she weighs 115. They don’t believe her. Carole, bitch that she is immediately shoves a piece of her pizza on to Jules plate. Because Carole doesn’t want to eat pizza either. More bitchy confessionals from Bethenny talking about the eating disorder. Carole and Bethenny both have eating disorders. Bethenny said on GMA that she lost weight because of her surgery and “of course everyone on line had a comment about that.” #Hypocrite If it bothers Bethenny that the Internet talks about her weight so much, why would she do that to someone else? It seems so evil to put down other people for a disease that both of these women clearly exhibit signs of. Why can’t they just have pleasant conversation?
Jules put a knife, fork and metal marinara cup in her calzone. She also lists off all the drugs that she has in her purse including Adderall. Carole says “she read” that a side effect of Adderall is weight loss. BWAHAHAHAHAHHA!
Because Bethenny is indisposed, Carole needs someone to film with because she is such a cunt to the other women that no one wants to film with her one on one. So they called in Heather Thomson. It’s a double date with Carole and Adam & Heather and Jon. Carole and Heather gossip about Jules and her eating disorder.
Dorinda and Jules talk about Carole and Bethenny being mean to her. Dorinda mistakenly believes that Bethenny likes her. She says to tell Bethenny that they hurt her feelings. Jules says, she’s stressed about he father, she broke her vagina, her husband isn’t supportive and then she pulls it together to go out with the girls and they mock her. I like Jules. I’m glad she is getting a divorce. It’s terrible how ugly it is getting. Her kids are adorable. She asked for late check out from the hospital just to have a few more moments of rest.
Bethenny goes to a preop meeting for the fibroid issue. But not before handing her driver a bloody pillow and telling him to get that cleaned. I’m not rich but I’d throw that away and buy a new one an would be MORTIFIED to hand it to a man.
Bethenny has a breakdown about needing a Living Will for surgery. She says God forbid that Brynn has to be with THEM always! That is her worst nightmare. In case you didn’t watch Bethenny Ever After, her in-laws were the most loving down to earth people on the planet and she rejected them because she didn’t have any concept of family. Now she is crying because she doesn’t have anyone. Well, Bethenny, you had a husband and in-laws who would have been at your hospital bed or home loving on your kid every single day of your illness. It’s your fault you only have employees and not friends. I do feel sorry for her. She’s broken. And we all are. So I do feel compassion for her in this moment.
Poor Sonja, she got an apple, but still can’t film with the others. She instead gets her vagina zapped and has her hoarder issues aired on TV. This is really sad. I get why she wants to sue Bethenny now. On the other hand who keeps multiple bottles of Wesson Oil (do they still make that?) and other pantry items in a dank basement?
FINALLY, Luann! Luann and Jules and Michaeal and Sonja and Dorinda and Ramona meet out at a club. Michael really does seem to have liked hanging with the ladies. Sonja is in denial about Luann and Tom getting married. It’s amazing that all of the housewives besides Bethenny and Carole can film together. Ramona is so obnoxious. She seems to think she needs to get Luann and Carole together as if that is something that needs to happen. Ramona wants camera time by bringing up that Bethenny and Carole won’t film with her. Luann tells Ramona she could care less. They didn’t even have the courtesy to RSVP. Luann doesn’t care about Ramona’s rude intervention either. Luann is Teflon and Ramona is a blathering idiot. By the way, Luann’s beautiful daughter is there.
You know who else doesn’t care about Carole and Bethenny? Jules.
YAY! Luann is planning a trip to Palm Beach with no Carole or Bethenny. I guess we will see Carole hanging out with Heather during that while Bethenny has a breakdown.