It’s time for RHONY, or as it is now known, “The Bethenny Show!”. Apparently that show as not indeed cancelled but simply moved to Bravo. I can’t really say that I am a fan. But alas, here we go again.
We pick up three weeks after Ramona’s holiday party as the ladies took some time of to be annoying to their own families during the holiday season.
We meet Alex who is apparently Sonja’s social media intern. Sonja, who lies about things that she doesn’t need to lie about tells Luann that he has been with her for two years. In reality, Sonja was advertising for a social media intern before the season even started. Maybe this one quit but he hasn’t been there for two years. Now she claims that she has been wanting to make a line of Prosecco forever. Luann, who has been eviscerated a mere three weeks ago by Bethenny continues to stand on the side of reason and tell Sonja that this product is not a good idea and it really isn’t worth “being alienated from the girls”. In other words, Bethenny has convinced the others not to film with Sonja until she drops the idea. This is the whole reason behind the back door machinations of her friends. She was told to drop it or lose her apple. #BlindItemRevealed Dorinda went along with freezing Sonja out. Sonja claims she has quit drinking.
Luann tells Sonja that she is moving out because she has found her soulmate and they are probably getting married. Then she tells her it’s Tom. Just like Ramona, Sonja has slept with Tom. Sonja is in disbelief. Sonja says in her talking head that she just slept with Tom a few weeks ago and “she has been doing him forever.” Something tells me this Tom guy has been rented for this storyline. I’m looking at you Luann.
Time for a SkinnyGirl Infomercial
Conveniently, on the day that Jules starts talking about troubles with her husband, this news story was leaked. Funny how that works.
So Bethenny wants to take everyone to Mexico to taste tequila for her new flavor. There is some debate over whether or not Sonja or Luann will be invited. Because Bethenny hates Sonja and Carole hates Luann. Carole says she is not going if Luann is going. Bethenny says she doesn’t want Sonja there. Bethenny continues to shut out Sonja and Luann from filming.
Later, Carole shows up to Bethenny’s house. Bethenny is on her bed and an intern brings in a breakfast tray or some array of Skinnygirl shit or something. She tells Carole to take off her shoes because she is one of those people. Bethenny took Carole and Adam to the Bahamas with her new married man she is dating for Christmas break. That story was also immediately leaked to coincide with the show’s airing, replete with a plug for on of Fredrik’s properties. Bethenny is quick to point out this is the third vacation she has taken Carole on. Because that is what friends do. They brag on their acts of kindness. Carole brags that she is never really in relationships deep enough to have to run away from them. Beth touches on the fact that the new guy wants to marry her and that would be too much.
We have to endure hearing Carole say the word kitten as a valley girl ten billion times as she tells Bethenny a long story about how losing this kitten made her realize that she had set her life up so that she could only love things that are temporarily in her life. It was excruciating to listen to and Bethenny’s face just glazes over immediately. I hate the scenes with these two.
Bethenny says she might get married again.
Dorinda agrees to film with Sonja so they go to a nail salon. I have this personal issue with looking at film or photos of people’s fingernails. Ew. It squicks me out.
Dorinda tells Sonja that Ramona has sold out to the mean girls. She also says that she and probably Luann are not going to be invited to the girls trip to Mexico because it has been scripted as a tequila thing for Bethenny. It’s so hard to recap this show because there is what is really happening and what they are trying to pretend is happening Dorinda. Dorinda comes right out and says that if Sonja doesn’t give up “her brand” then she is essentially off the show. This brand has nothing to do with Sonja other than her deal to advertise in on the show which she is doing every time she and anyone else say Tipsy Girl. Sonja says the brand isn’t even hers it’s Peter’s and he has filed for the trademark and there is nothing she can do about it. Which is true. The liquor brand is currently suspended until they can complete their investigation. I just checked. And Bethenny filed under liquors first. Click the link for all of that trademarking information.
Then there was a scene with Carole and Adam. I fast forwarded it.
Ramona is pretending to have a hair extension company. You have to hand it to her. She has some sort of paid endorsement every season. This season it is hair extensions.
Luann tells Ramona she and Tom are in love and they are getting married. Ramona is not happy with this news. She immediately tells Luann that Tom calls his ex everyday and tells her that he loves her and he gave her a gold bracelet for Christmas. Ramona is such a cunt. I really don’t believe any of this is real. Luann just gets shit on every week and smiles. This fake Tom situation must be the only way she could get a contract.
John and Dorinda meet Jules and Michael for dinner. Jules announces that she’s Asian. Who knew? Jules and Michael clearly fought the whole way there and Jules unloads on Dorinda about how he came home late, took a shower, then hit on the coat check girl at the restaurant. She is worried that she can’t find someone to keep the kids while they film in Mexico. She says Michael’s mom needs to come. He suggests her mom, who lives in Florida. She points out that her father is in the hospital and she is taking care of him, as if he doesn’t know this. Jules hair is falling out due to stress. She says it is not a nutrition thing. MMMhmmm. Micheal and John go outside so that Michael can call his sidepiece.
Dorinda gets wasted and gives weird marriage advice. It may have been snowing where they were.
Bethenny and Luann meet to try and make amends. Bethenny was late because she has not been able to stop bleeding. (in the female way) She has a doctor’s appointment tomorrow.
Luann tells Bethenny that she and Tom are getting married. Bethenny mocks it in her talking heads horrifically. Bethenny is a bitch to her and then finally says, “I’m happy for you.” The point of the scene was for Bethenny to decide to allow or not t allow Luann to film for the next week. But after Luann deflected all of her pot shots at her, she was annoyed that nothing landed. In her talking head she said, ” It doesn’t matter what I said. She wasn’t listening. She could not repeat anything I said back to her!” I have a feeling this is a parenting technique she uses with Brynn. Repeat what mommy said back to me! Luann heard every insult she threw her way, she just didn’t give her the satisfaction of acknowledging it.
Luann moves right on to the purpose of the meeting. A contract negotiation. Now Bethenny has no reason not to invite Luann. She didn’t take any of her bait and she doesn’t know what to do. She tries to reinstigate nearly every fight since the Stone Age they have ever had. Luann does not engage. She tries to blame Carole. Luann does not engage. But she does ask Bethenny if Carole is her life partner now. This irks Bethenny and she says yes. Bethenny starts talking about real friendships (the unspoken part is versus TV ones, but guess what Bethenny, you are on TV right now!).
Bethenny start ranting about how she wants it to be everyone’s trip, even though it is clear she think it is just hers. So Luann jumps in with “Yes, I would love to come, thank you!” Point Countess. Bethenny says she will have to talk to Carole. Luann reaffirms with “That sounds great, I look forward to the trip.” She leaves making a joke about the bill. Bethenny makes a nasty talking head about the bill. Guess what? There is never a bill at a restaurant shooting. It’s all part of the promotion.
Next Week: Bethenny has a health scare, the Mexico trip probably gets cancelled, Ramona screams at Sonja, Jules has more problems and Carole loses her filming partner. I fear the rest of the season will be gathering around Bethenny playing nursemaid.