Gentle readers, is has been an excruciatingly long day for me. I awoke to an unsolicited email from some sort of Kenya Moore imposter/”very, very good friend” who has a shitload of incredibly false information they wanted me to post. Plus, my new handy, dandy little copyright infringement app was going off as some kid that calls himself “Justin Diego” was stealing my work despite the unwieldly and unfortunate right click block I had to put on this site. That was TWO legal issues in one day. Before I even got to watch my Wendy Williams. Which was a hole nuther talk show to be sure when Marc Anthony fell ill and mangled not one but two talk shows.
And then there was Yolanda, whose brain trauma has suddenly been lifted to the point where she can now not only read and write but has written a book for “the little people” (not midgets, the poors) so they might also be able to show up in Tahiti twice in 2016 with full muscle tone and a lust exhuberance for life after being bedridden and unable to read or write for the past four years due to her Munchausen by Proxy. Triply insulting is that the claim is that St. Martin’s Press, imprint of some of my favorite authors has agreed to publish her. Something I refuse to believe. I mean the feet, the puppy, the title, this has to be a prank, right? It’s just too far into her delusions and she is out of the country and unable to deny it.
Anyway. My job requires that I speak on this episode of RHONY though my head is pounding like it only did when I stayed up all night studying for finals because I have been in constant contact with IG and FB and my business lawyer and my potential IP lawyer and my friend with IP lawyers in Miami and… some chick I thought might do the little male born Disney princess a favor and warn him that if I have to come for him it will be a scorched earth thing with all of his Instagrams, and Facebooks, and websites, and ad farms coming to a crashing end. Alas, my Iranian friend was of little help. So prepare for some really good court stories. Not sure if we will be in California or Florida courts by my trial watchers know those are two of the best possible choices for good times.
Bethenny is arguing with Luann in the kitchen in a gray onesie and a knife in her hand Carole is there muttering under her breath. Bethenny basically says that it’s a buildup of issues and mentions Carole. Which is the real answer. Bethenny is fighting Carole’s battle for her. Luann tries to point out that she said all the stuff about Carole dating younger guys over a year ago when she was pissed at Carole for getting involved with a kid who once fucked her niece. Bethenny, doesn’t care. It’s a Carole/Bethenny attack on Luann.
Drunk Dorinda and Jules play Twister in the other room. while all of this is going on.
I am actually relieved to see Sonja. She is trying to figure out how to send a package from home to her kid who moved off to boarding school. Because she could not get out of Grey Gardens fast enough. Of course this is a sexual experience for Sonja.
Bethenny is still rambling on. She says she doesn’t want to be the screaming cunt she is, but Luann just brings it out in her. It’s Luann’s fault that Bethenny is a cunt. Carole and Bethenny start the usual bully, mean girls tactic saying this is how EVERYONE feels about you. It’s so middle school and pathetic.
The Luann says that Bethenny is making Sonja worse and is trying to take her down over the TipsyGirl thing. Look. I am so totally #TeamLuann on the issues between Luann and Bethenny. But as someone who as spent THE ENTIRE FUCKING DAY with legal issues over some little boy who thinks it’s cute to steal my intellectual property, I GET how much effort Bethenny had to put in to trademarking her brand and defending it against Sonja’s delusional bullshit. Stupid people are tiring and there is not logic with them when it comes to brand infringement. I am all for her taking Sonja all the way to the mat, as I will people who come for what I have worked the past five years for. But slut shaming Luann is a petty little middle school thing.
You are correct, Luann. The B is back, with Andy Cohen immunity.
Santa arrives with a vagina and gifts.
Carole is a fucking whorebag cunt I don’t want to hear from anymore. Sadly, she will be here until she doesn’t want to be.
Bethenny tries to call LUANN cunning and crafty. PUHLEASE. Then Bethenny tries to drag Ramona in asking why she would not want Luann around her man. Luann is “reality show engaged” to someone Ramona “reality show dated” who the fuck cares, my head hurts. Literally. Can’t we go back to NYC I cannot take this?
God. I would rather beat myself in the head with a hammer than recap these harpies bitching. How am I suddenly the fucking defender of THE COUNTESS? How did we get this far down the fucking rabbit hole? I blame YOU Bethenny. And I actually like you at times.
Ramona basically says that Luann steals all her men. Luann tries to give an example regarding Ramona and Bethenny tries to jump in and turn it around on Luann.
I still love those two jade statues.
Luann was bullied, to the point of tears, repeatedly. And I do not use the word bully loosely. It is indeed what Bethenny and Carole did. The “next morning” wakeup scene was clearly filmed later and they didn’t even bother to put them in the correct clothes. They leave in their PJs the next morning and Carole comes back in the clothes she wore the night before, but not the ones in the bed scene to say goodbye. They left that night, refilmed in the morning. I hate this fucked up show. They stayed in a hotel and returned to film their morning scene.
Jules of the ” MY FATHER IS DYING AS WE SPEAK” also wakes up in a fake scene talking about how relaxed she is and how she forgot she had kids. Or a half dead father, apparently.
Ramona is a cunt.
I am so PISSED that I can’t enjoy this show because I am a sucker for anything Christmas. I love the Christmas music they are playing I want to get lulled in to Ramona’s party, but I know it is just a big cuntfest waiting to happen.
Okay, look bitches. I do not hate the red lacy jumpsuit from Luann’s collection. Would I wear it? Hell no. It would take ten of them sewn together. I think it is fine on her and I think it will sell. So shut yer pieholes. Or not. Y’all have been bitching about it since the previews. WHY CAN’T YOU LET LUANN BE HAPPY WITH HER MEDIA WHORE BOYFRIEND! She’s old! Let her take what she can get! He owns a grocery store chain. Can’t we just be happy that two media whores are happy????
Luann REALLY tries to apologize to Bethenny and Carole. AGAIN.
Bethenny leaves as Sonja comes in. I don’t blame her a bit for that. Except the editing is ridiculously bad. Bethenny is leaving. Bethenny is back. It’s just about her leaving and coming back.I can’t.
Then the delusional Sonja Morgan stuff. Bethenny clearly won’t be in the same room with Sonja. If you fuck with someone’s business, they are going to exclude you, Sonja. Paint on some Disney princess eyebrows and get fired over and over and over and then sued. It’s a pain in the ass of your own accord. BECAUSE YOU ARE AN IDIOT!
Sonja is a stupid cunt.
Sonja leaves saying the party sucked and everyone gangs up on her all the time. This is what idiots do. I was told today, by young Justin “you just woke up and decided to be petty today not even knowing your fact. Putting all this negativity into a situation” after he done stole from me! LOL This shit will not stand. I will DRAG HIM. I have better lawyers and way longer dollars this child. His ad farming ass is NOT going to work on me.
Sonja and other idiots that try to move in on someone’s business seem to be so confused.
Next Week: We continue to disparage Luann’s man. Hey. I don’t know if this is a thing or a storyline, but I don’t begrudge anyone.