After this episode of RHOD, there is only one more regular episode left. So far it looks like the reunion will only be one episode as well. This is great news because there is was too much stuff happening on Monday nights for me to keep up with. I was up late last night getting caught up on Unreal that I had to tape on the second airing. Unreal on Lifetime is MUST SEE TV. I was taping shows up through 3 am! And this is before Big Brother starts and I am completely glued to live feeds all night long. Last night despite the TV being set to tape RHOD every week my DVR flatly refused and I didn’t notice until 9:30 because I went long on recapping Southern Charm.
Tonight the gals take their screaming attacks on each other to Austin. I hope we at least get to see some of the town. Apparently, Brandi and Stephanie’s husbands are so close that they built a lake h9use together. That’s interesting. The wll be shacking up together taking care of the kids while the girls are gone. Mark is despondant that he is not allowed to go on the girls trip. At least he gets to pack Cary’s clothes. I envision him playing in her closet (Cough) wistfully while his human Barbie is away.
I rewound three times and I have no idea what kind of panties Brandi and Stephanie are talking about. Fittingly, all the ladies including Marie pile into some sort of industrial short bus for the estimated four hour trip. That’s four hours of day drinking before they even arrive. Two hours in, Brandi pees in a Solo cup with her mike on. Leeanne is (rightly for once) appalled and Brandi says, ” It’s better than pooping in the back of the car in a bag!” Which is something she was told Leeanne did once when she was wasted. It was Marie who told people out this story. Leeanne is now furious with Marie, and thusly validates the story in her talking head while repeating “I never shit in a bag” repeatedly on the short bus. This is going to be discussed the entire trip.
Eight minutes. That is how far into the episode we got before Brandi talked about poop.
The lake house is very nice and has a lovely pool and plenty of room so the women are not all on top of each other. Marie’s sunhat is everything. Tuning in to see what is going to be on Marie’s head each week is the best part of this literal shit show about shit. Why are the other women not protecting their face and hair with a hat? It makes me wonder where their people are from.
Bravo has hired a private chef for the first night! Leeanne and Brandi actually bond a little bit because Brandi’s brother with PTSD is back in the hospital and Leeanne shares that Rich is a police officer who has some PTSD issues surrounding a situation where he was unable to save someone. Dinner looks amazing. I am also pleased to report that this franchise has found a way around having to drink wine of red solo cups. They have lovely wine glasses that are not clear and thereby pose not threat to showing the changing levels of liquid from edit to edit. Bravo, Dallas girls. Brandi is super wasted.
We move on to discussions of dead people and childhood abandonment. These people are sad drunks. Leeanne says she doesn’t judge anyone. I pause my typing to actually look at the TV not wanting to miss God striking Leeanne dead. But alas, God stopped doing that after Jesus arrived.
The next morning the girls wake up talking about Leeanne going batshit last night after they went to bed. Leeanne target for her wrath this week is Marie. It was so bad that Cary recoded it with her phone. Leeanne apparently made numerous physical threats to Marie including tell her she would “slaughter her.” Cary and Stephanie are terrified of Leeanne and no longer want to be around her at all. Brandi is sad because they were just starting to get along. Yes, Brandi, she’s fun when she is attacking other people. Leeanne has screamed in the faces of every single woman on this show, including her BFF, Tiffany. She clearly has issues.
Marie is sitting at the table close to tears trying to get herself together. Tiffany tries to get Leeanne to smooth things over. Leeanne basically goes after Marie again. I have a feeling that Tiffany is the one spreading the poop in a bag story and Marie is being falsely accused. I’m going to guess that next week will be Leeanne threatening to gut Tiffany. Or maybe even later in this episode.
But first, Cary, Stephanie and Brandi come out and let Leeanne know that her behavior toward Marie is abusive. Finally, someone stands up for one of Leeanne’s victims instead of just being glad it was not them. Leeanne is busy back pedaling saying that threatening to kill, gut and slaughter someone is just slang and doesn’t mean anything. No one is buying this. Marie is now afraid to say anything. It’s clear that she is afraid of Leeanne when she loses her mind. Which has happened on every single episode of this show. Tiffany is the only one sticking up for Leeanne. Cary is holding Leeanne’s feet to the fire and she can’t handle it. She is calling for a cab to leave. Really? Like she is going to take a cab from Austin to Dallas? She is insane. And she is going to turn her wrath on Cary. She starts spewing gossip on how Cary and Mark ended up together. Anything to get the spotlight off her atrocious behavior. Even days later in her newest talking heads, she justifies attacking Marie by saying that Cary is worse because she “broke up a marriage.”
Leeanne whisper cries to Brandi and blames her outbursts on her childhood. Leeanne thinks that is just her thing. She gets to rail on people for a couple of hours and it is over. Everyone is headed to the Four Seasons for a spa day. Because an infomercial for a generic Four Seasons is way more exciting than seeing neat things in the city. Oh wait. No, no it is not.
Marie, Tiffany and Leeane stay in the room instead of joining the girls at the spa. Marie tells Leeanne she understands she was hurt and said things she didn’t mean and she forgives her. Apparently, Marie is used to being in this position. Marie cries
We end of course, with a birthday dinner. I predict it will not go well. Leeanne gets on her phone and Cary points out that they are at dinner and could they please just enjoy the experience. Oh Cary, bless your heart. You are on a reality show with a sociopath. Dinner is where the feeding happens, but not in the way that you are hoping.
WAIT WHAT? Out of no where Tiffany says, ” Leeanne gets attacked. She gets attacked a lot!” WTF? On what planet does this happen? Leeanne is a time bomb waiting to explode on whoever is handy, including the camera man and the occasional street trolley! Tiffany also claims to be the one person who did not hear Leeanne screaming at Marie threatening her after Leeanne knew all the cameras had gone for the night. Apparently, it woke up the entire house including the super drunk and passed out Brandi, but not Tiffany. Tiffany then takes some digs and Brandi and Brandi takes her drink and walks away. Then Tiffany announces to the table that she surrounds herself with people that bring out the best in her. On that note, Stephanie is done with the insanity and walks away. Then she stops because she has to point out that saying she surrounds herself with people that bring out the best in her when her bestie is an angry, rabid woman is kind of crazypants. Tiffany says what Leeanne has been saying for the past 24 hours. It’s not the sane girls business what the crazy people discuss. And Stephanie finally says, “The don’t bring it in my house. ” EXACTLY. Take your dysfunctional behavior somewhere else. Leeanne just sits there letting Tiffany try to defend her.
Next Week: MOTS Who will Leanne attack next?